My autobiography: "Perspicacious Igloos"
I was dragged into this world by a conniving (in case you know what that means, let me know) doctor. Thus pulled out, I said, "howdy-do, gotta get going, late for dinner." I then pulled on my cap and proceeded to the door. Thusly I was born in the year 2050 on the day of the holy leg-mason mutual fund.
Wait, it gets better... and let me change tone slightly.
Thou art shoddy, dear me. Thine simmering eyes drowneth me. Thee shouldst not worketh so hardeth, on my wordeth. Thus I sayeth no moreth. Waiteth, do not go awayeth. The party has just beguneth.
Okay, that didn't work.
At age five, I started to tiptoe. I tiptoed to school and to research. All my friends found themselves two (and three-eighths) inches shorter because of my tiptoeing. But that wasn't all. I started to read "Perspicacious igloos". Now that really changed my life (they even made a TV series out of that one, whew).