Skin Horse is a secret, black-ops, shadow government, organization that provides support to Non-Human Sapients.
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Secret Agent Man" by Barri and Sloan, sung by Johnny Rivers) There's a guy who leads a life of service. Whenever he shows up, clients get nervous! Yeah, your problems he will fix, Then he'll go and score some chicks; The odds are he'll be late for work tomorrow ... Secret ... Welfare Guy! Secret ... Welfare Guy! Has a little backless number That'll make your eyeballs fry! Secret ... Welfare Guy! Secret ... Welfare Guy! Has a little backless number That'll make your eyeballs fry! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Auld Lang Syne", Robert Burns) In old New Orleans, now we feast On gourmet food and wine! But now, it seems, we've got at least A million forms to sign! A million forms to sign, my dear! A million forms to sign! A lousy way to start the year, With all these forms to sign! This contact we must now report, Or we'll be charged a fine! To offer gov-ern-ment support, There's tons of forms to sign! There's tons of forms to sign, my friend, There's tons of forms to sign! But in the bar, I lost my pen! How will these forms be signed? |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: Theme song from "The Muppet Show") [Tip:] We heard the Guardsmen screaming; We're here to find the source! Now nothing's what it's seeming To the members of Skin Horse! [Nick:] We flew here like a rocket; I'm left behind, of course! I'll sit and freeze my cockpit, You can scrub my deck, Skin Horse! [Sweetheart, drunk:] I'se come to decishun! So lissen, boyz 'n' gurlz! I'se gonna save dis misshun! But first, I'se gotta hurlz! [Unity:] I want to start attacking And kill without remorse! But first I need some snacking, [All:] For the most necrotic, the plane exotic, The boss erotic, the beast neurotic, Yeah! We're the se-cret pro-ject called Skin Hoooooooorse! (Unity tries to hit high note on trumptet; her ears pop off. "That's unheard of.") |
Chris and Marci, from the Department of Irradiation, defuse a nuclear bomb.
 
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Karma Chameleon", Culture Club) When you open up the bomb, what do you see? Well, for goodness' sakes, don't touch the burgundy! Can you tell ... which one's magenta? Can you tell ... the shades of red? What the hell ... have we got into? I think we're dead ... I think we're de-ead Cut the, cut the, cut the, cut the, cut the carnelian! This isn't fun! This isn't fun! Sucker who designed this thinks he's such a comedian! Just cut and run! Just cut and run! Cut the, cut the, cut the, cut the, cut the carnelian! This isn't fun! This isn't fun! Sucker who designed this thinks he's such a comedian! Just cut and run! Just cut and run! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "I Just Called To Say I Love You", Stevie Wonder) Car-ne-li-an ... the middle one! If I just cut that wire, the threat will be undone! For burgundy ... magenta too, Have got more purple, please don't ask me know I knew! Though I'm a guy, I can't deny The reason I was able to identify Those shades of pur-ple, red, and brown ... But if I tell you, will I ever live it down? 'Cause I know from testing lipsticks! Yes, I know, peculiar as it seems ... I just know from testing lipsticks; If we live, that's going into Marcie's dreams! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Manic Monday", The Bangles) He's gotta cut the right wire, now he's got a choice of three ... Don't cut the magenta, don't even touch the burgundy! Carnelian's the one in the middle, yes, there's no doubt! A guy who knows his shades is the kind that Marcie dreams about! Chris is such a great guy, courage in the face of doom! 'Caus if he cuts the wrong wire, that box is gonna go kaboom! Then he'll be vaporized just a tick before you and me ... And for that millisecond I will cherish his memory! Stopping an atomic bomb, ah! He's so cool and calm, ah! Better than Obama! He really gelds the llama! I can't bear the drama, Chris has gotta stop that bomb, ah! |
Created as a bioweapon, Unity relishes every opportunity for violence. Also, for cookies and sandwiches.
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (Tune: "I Fought the Law: by Sonny Curtis and The Crickets) Won a vic'try at ... No cost! I fought the bear and the ... bear lost! I fought the bear and the ... bear lost! Through a brick wall she ... Was tossed! I fought the bear and the ... bear lost! I fought the bear and the ... bear lost! Unity never will back down, She just hates being bossed! She's so handy to have around ... I fought the bear and the ... bear lost! I fought the bear and the ... bear lost! |
Quentin Long (cubist) says: (Tune: Inchworm, Inchworm) Gunfire? Sandwich? Muzzle flash or Tasty lunch? How can you expect a girl To choose between the two? Gunfire? Sandwich? Muzzle flash or Tasty lunch? Serve me food, or eat hot lead: What Do I want you (to) do? |
Quentin Long (cubist) says: (Tune: Inchworm, Inchworm -- HARMONY) Gun- fire? b- l- t Sand- wich? yum- yum Muz- zle flash or HEAT rounds and Tas- ty lunch? dum- dum Serve me food, or eat hot lead: What pa- stra- mi hoag- ie or Do I want you (to) do? pull trig- ger on load- ed M- six- teen |
Nick Zerhakker's brain was implanted into a VTOL plane without his knowledge or consent, by Dr. Virginia Lee (of Anasigma).
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by Martin and Blane) Have yourself a merry little flight test, I can show you how -- You know you're a FOGGING helicopter now ... Have yourself a merry little flight test, FAX the F.A.A. -- In an hour, you'll be a hundred miles away! Here we are now with Dr. Lee Looking motherly And sweet! You've got missles and guns and stuff! This is MONKEY-FLUFF- ing neat! If you want, then you can wear some dog tags (Though I'm not sure how ...) Paint a topless pin-up girl upon your prow! And have yourself a merry little flight test now! |
Nate Cull (natecull) says: (Tune: "California Dreaming" by The Mamas and the Papas) All my blades are sharp And my hull is grey I've been hovering On a winter's day Now I'm a FLUFFY cyborg I could fly away Helicopter dreamin' On such a winter's day Livin' in V.R. I never meant to stay But those Anasigma SPORKS Stole my brain away Now it's in a can And I like it that way Helicopter dreamin' On such a winter's day All my blades are sharp And my hull is grey If I wanted to I could fly away If I had a mission I'd earn my NACHO BEANS pay Helicopter dreamin' On such a winter's day |
Sweetheart was raised in Canada by a madman named Captain Bram. Sometimes it shows.
  
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says
(TUNE: "Que Sera Sera", written by Livingstone/Evans,
performed by Doris Day)*
When I was just a little boy,
My mother asked me, "What will you eat?
Do you want pizza? Do you want poi?"
Always, I would repeat ..
"Donnez-moi poutine!
I want it or I'll get mean!
The best food I've ever seen!
Donnez-moi poutine!"
As through the years I grew and grew,
Through adolescence, into teen age ...
My mother urged me, "Try something new!"
I'd fly into a rage!
"Donnez-moi poutine!
The fav'rite of ev'ry teen!"
At Mom I would vent my spleen,
"Donnez-moi poutine!"
Now I am older than before;
My doctor tells me, "You're getting fat!
You should eat healthy, exercise more!"
Here's what I say to that:
"Donnez-moi poutine!
Who cares if I'm not so lean?
Addictive as nicotine!
Donnez-moi poutine!"
* (Note: this song is not about Sweetheart, herself.) |
Nate Cull (natecull) says: (TUNE: "The Candyman Can", Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) Who can take a puppy Sprinkle it with hate Cover it with 'shock and awww' And seething murd'rous rage? Captain Bram can! Captain Bram can! Captain Bram can cause he wants to rule the world from his cold dead grave! Who can take a small town Wrap it in a sneeze With just a pinch of DNA That makes them slavering (but so cute!) death machines? Captain Bram? Yes Captain Bram can! Captain Bram can! Captain Bram can cause he wants to rule the world from his cold dead grave! Who can take tomorrow Dip it in a dream Of blood and war and sorrow And doggy treats and screams? Captain Bram can! |
Kay Gilbert (kaygilbert) Tune: "Bad to the bone", George Thorogood & the Destroyers On the day I was born Captain Bram set my fate Knew I'd head up his pack As we conquered the States Then my wire mama fed me 'Cause I loved her alone She could tell right away I'm a bitch to the bone Bitch to the bone Bitch to the bone B-B-B-B-Bitch B-B-B-B-Bitch B-B-B-B-Bitch Bitch to the bone I'm Canadian fury Battle-tested and mean Though I'm precious and furry I'm a killing machine You're asking for a rampage Like the world's never known Brace yourself, Unity I'm a bitch to the bone Bitch to the bone B-B-B-B-Bitch B-B-B-B-Bitch B-B-B-B-Bitch Bitch to the bone Since we came to New Orleans Everything's been a mess Didn't serve any papers On that swamp called Cypress And you ate my damn cookies So get ready to moan I'm a bone-biting bitch Bitch to the bone B-B-B-B-Bitch B-B-B-B-Bitch B-B-B-B-Bitch Bitch to the bone |
Tip is a member of the Skin Horse field team.
  
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Greased Lightning" from the musical "Grease") He's like a quantum particle, he teleports from here to there ... Yeah, he gets his pow'r from Victoria's Secret underwear! He runs amuck! Knows how to tuck! He's fast as light! He's wearing tights! Greased Transvestite! (Go go go go go go go go ...) Greased Transvestite, you're gonna have a lotta fun! (Transvestite! Greased Transvestite!) Greased Transvestite, you'll stir up Area 51! (Transvestite! Greased Transvestite!) That cute TV Evades MP! He's such a rogue! Now watch him vogue! Greased Transvestiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "A Paradox" from "The Pirates of Penzance", Gilbert & Sullivan) The story lines now intertwined, As Tip and Marcie face this test, For they return from lunch, to find An unexpected guest! Now they receive, within their base, A shock that might remove one's socks; For Tip, with grace, must boldly face A pretty pair o' docs! A pair o' docs! A pair o' docs! A smart and lovely pair o' docs! Though one has red, one onyx locks, Yet both know Tip; their world he rocks! A pair o' docs! A pair o' docs! A cute and clever pair o' docs! Marcie and Lee have Ph.D.! A pair o' docs! |
 
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Nate Cull (natecull) says: (Tune: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme) Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Hero with a screw loose! Dino-power! He's the world's foremost expert on brass and steam! He's a Swiss Victorian paleontologist's dream! When the King of Prussia attacks He'll keep those zeppelins off our backs! Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! The D. of P. Defense got stuck in time! They aether-warped to Space: 1899! Franz Ferdinand blew up the moon And started World War I too soon thanks to insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Insane genius watchmaker dinosaur! Hero with a screw loose! Dino-power! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "The Joker", Steve Miller Band) I know Nate used this one a few days ago... Some people call him Moustachio ... Some people call him Thinkonium ... We'd better call him a repairman, 'Cause a giant paperweight he's become! Some fool fixed him in the '80s ... All his tubes have come unglued, come unglued! Well, don't you worry, zombie, don't worry! I'll fix him right way, right here, right now, right on dude! He's been neglected ... and rejected! He's been dis-re-spec-ted! His copper swapped with PVC! I need utensils ... and a stencil ... And a white eye pencil! (That last one might just be for me ...) |
Nate Cull (natecull) says: (Tune: "She Blinded Me With Science", Thomas Dolby) In funkalicious motion She welded little hands to me With full articulation And brass grommets for symmetry Mmm but she gifted me with elbows! "She gifted me - with elbows!" And re-armed me with irony When I'm being buffed by her "She gifted me - with elbows!" I can smell the polyester "She gifted me - with elbows!" "Good heavens Miss Tigerlily - you're beautiful!" |
Dr Tigerlilly Jones, a mechanically-inclined mad scientist, specializes in SPRINGS. She escapes from the Institute while on a work-release to Skin Horse.
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Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "I Got Rhythm", George Gershwin) I got Genius! I got Evil! I got Madness! No one knows what I'm gonna do! I got Crazy! I got IQ! I got Badness! And I'm gonna use 'em on you! It's no fun for Victims done for! Better run, or You'll die too! I got Vicious! I got Weirdness! I got Smartness! No one knows what I'm gonna do! Even I don't know what I'll do! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Venus"/"She's Got It", Shocking Blue) Something evil comes this way! I can feel it in my bones! Pretty sure we'll die today! It's Tigerlily Jones! She's got it! Yeah baby, she's got it! Tigerlily, lovely blossom! She's super-awesome! Now they're gonna rue the day When they laughed at her, those fools! Now she's gonna make them pay, 'Cause Tigerlily rules! She's got you! Yeah baby, she's got you! Tigerlily, deadly flower! You're in her power! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Stayin' Alive", The Bee Gees) Oh, you can tell by the way I use my brain, I'm a scientist, and pure insane! Steam so hot and gears so cold! Well you better run, my plans unfold! You know it's OK, it's alright, Though you won't make it through the night! Watch me now, I'll make a plan, I won't be kept down by the Man! Aren't you feeling silly You messed with Tigerlily? Now you're all gonna die! All gonna die! Feeling kinda groovy And dressing like a movie, Now you're all gonna die! All gonna die! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! All gonna die! All gonna die! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! All gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiie! |
Nate Cull (natecull) says: (Tune: Fatboy Slim, "Funk Soul Brother") Right 'bout now Steam funk sister Check her out now Steam funk sister Sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci spring jive science! Right about now Steam funk sister Check her out now Steam funk sister Sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci Spring jive science spring jive science Sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci Spring jive science spring jive science Sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci Spring jive science spring jive science Sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci-sci Spring jive science spring jive science Riiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhtttttt aaaaaaabbbbbbbooooooouuuuuuutttttttt nnnnnnnooooooowww Steeeeeeaaaam funk sister! |
Tip's got a powerful crush on her, but Tigerlilly's more powerful than it.
Dr Jones built Sweetdaddy Jupiter Velvet from a Cadilac El Dorado. It speaks only in Jive, of course.
  
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Nate Cull (natecull) says: (Tune: "The Joker", The Steve Miller Band) Some people call her Tigerlily Some people call her "Sweet Lord!" Some people call her Berenice Cause she's berry nice. I speak of the Lovetron of love. People talk about my baby Say she's doin' me wrong, doin' me wrong Well, don't you worry baby don't worry Cause she's doin' me. She's a hacker, she's a remixer She's a steampunk fixer She's a fashion riot grrl She's a smoker, she's a broker She's a dotcom coder She gets her loving done in Perl People talk about my baby Say she's doin' me wrong, doin' me wrong Well, don't you worry baby don't worry Cause she's doin' me. |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "Rock The Casbah", The Clash) So Tip said, "You look happy"... See Tigerlily smile! The gloves and safety glasses, They complement her style! Those old decrepit white guys, There's one good thing they did ... They built deadly robots That went and flipped their lids! She ne-e-eds a half-inch ... Socket wrench, now! Socket wrench, now! She ne-e-eds a half-inch ... Socket wrench, now! Socket wrench, now! He offered his assistance, She smiled and said, "Sure!" Tip seemed a bit uncertain At what failed to occur ... Now something hasn't happened That always did before; He cranks up his charisma, They're in bed by panel four! It seems that Tip can't use his superower On this lovely floweeerer! She ne-e-eds a half-inch ... Socket wrench, now! Socket wrench, now! She ne-e-eds a half-inch ... Socket wrench, now! Socket wrench, now! |
Ed Gedeon (eddurd) says: (TUNE: "I Will Survive", Gloria Gaynor) At first, I was secure, I was confident! Each woman that I talked to, she would follow where I went! Any thing with double-X, I'd talk into random sex, And we had fun, then I'd walk off when we were done ... But then she came! She was strapped down, They turned her loose, I was confused, 'Cause she was dressed like Foxy Brown! Doctor Tigerlily Jones! I was shocked down to my bones! My knees went weak ... I felt so strange, I couldn't speak! And now she's gone! She left this place! Yeah, she made a quantum wormhole, disappeared without a trace! But still she left behind Sweetdaddy; What a crazy day he's had, he Has a plan ... he'll lay some smack down on The Man! You'd best get wise! I'm talkin' jive! Oh, as long as I can work it, then my mojo I'll revive! I still got my superpow'r, I'm the hero of the hour, And I'll talk jive! I'm talkin jive! Word up! |