Darklocke & Tomo's
Social Column

Published whenever we feel like it.

Vol 1, Issue #3

Ash 26, 1601

All The News We Think You Need To Know

Headline News:

Anadem Announces Returns To NBA. "One more season" says veteran center.


Luenel Sues None For Realm License Infringement: "Storms require air. Have I seen one red hecta from him? Nooooo...."


Poll: What do you think should be done to Peat Moss?


Valkyrie Doing Well After Triple Root Canal. "Wathn't thath bath, buth I haith theeth cotthonth ballth!" comments winged avenger.


Sign Posted Outside Death's Realm: "No Vacancy".

Shortly after midnight last night, eyewitnesses reported a "tired-looking" Aspect of Death hammering a sign onto the tree near Death's Realm. The green wooden sign, painted with a strange blue glowing liquid, read "Death's Realm Is Full: No Vacancy".

The next morning, scavengers stole the sign. This act did not go unnoticed by the Greater Spirit, who was reportedly seen chasing after the mortal thieves. "I saw the whole thing," says Koan Argent. "[Death] just hiked up his black robe and took off after the scavengers. He started screaming: '<click><click><click><click><click><click><click><click><click><click><click><click><click>, There Is No Escape!' That's when his hat fell off."

The sign is still missing, and Loketh Uutog of the Ebon Order reports that there is a "substantial reward" for its return.


Staff eavesdrop on conversation between Tick and Eve.

Chief Investigative reporter Darklocke overheard the following juicy tidbit:

Tick: <grunt>
Eve: <scribble scribble>
Tick: <two grunts and a squinty gesture that either meant "I can't read your writing" or "I left my bifocals in my other dinner jacket">

Militia charging trolls at stone bridge.

Lord Tempus, in an effort to raise revenue, has started charging trolls at the stone bridge. When asked how attacking trolls would help, he clarified: "No no no, we're charging -- requiring payment -- of trolls." Apparently, trolls are valid currency in Galen, but how they're going to be shipped back is not so clear. "Hopefully Lord Ruprik will just open a gate and we can stuff 'em through."
Ask Merriam:

Dear Merriam: What's the difference between "Governess" and "Governor"? And which is the right word to use here?

--Confused in New Galen

Dear Confused: Well, a "governor" is an administrator, usually a political figure who oversees lands. A "governess" is completely different: a woman who oversees the raising of children.

Don't feel bad: given the political leadership of your lands, and the nature of the settlers in those lands, I can see why there might be some confusion.

--Merriam Webster

Darklocke and Tomo's Social Column is an OOG production of Mike Magelinski (Darklocke) and David Leung (Tomo). Dave is very apologetic for brutually ripping off The Onion (www.theonion.com), but he still had a lot of fun doing it. :) Credit also to Jessi Jaffe for the No Vacancy idea.