Darklocke & Tomo's
Social Column

Published whenever we feel like it.

Vol 2, Issue #5

27 Wind, 1603

All The News We Think You Need To Know

Headline News:

The Great Tree Sloth Arabundi responsible for cancelled Winter Feast. Blame him; it's not like we need to substantiate this or anything.


The Okian spymaster was not seen at the Winter Feast poisoning the food, setting traps under chairs, and sneaking in poisoned weapons.


Poll: Claims keep getting made that The Inferno will be published soon. What do you think?


Miranda Belmonte and Dante diMontrefelto responsible for cancelled Winter Feast. Details soon.

Predict The Next Moon!

Not sure what's going to happen to you next moon? DTSC researchers have determined how you can predict the future. All you need is a d6.

Friday Night

  1. Woohoo! Your plot goes off as planned: you get the girl, the goods, and make a clean getaway. Even jack is impressed.
  2. Not bad, ol' chap. You get in, get the girl, most of the goods, but are spotted by some people. S'okay, that's what blackmail is for.
  3. Well, aside from game starting at 11pm, not too bad. You score some good intel, get in a very stylish kill, or get an early start on sleep.
  4. The usual. Game starts at 10:30, you talk to people for an hour or so, get some interesting leads, watch bored people go get themselves killed, and then wonder why you stayed up until 2am.
  5. Not doing well here. You are hit by the Stupid Monster Attack, and after tripping into a large puddle of water, you then spend the next 3 hours hiding.
  6. Doh! Not only do you get wet and have to hide, but to add insult to injury, you get killed on your way to the bathroom.

Saturday Day

  1. Score! Not only do you get a chance to talk to Loketh / Tygurclaw / Deliah, you get to talk to them for awhile and you get cool info out of them.
  2. Jeff Hoyland didn't even see you coming. Teach him to do wakeup calls.
  3. Not too bad out there on the trails, but your buddy got killed in that big fight on the path. Still, better him than you, right?
  4. Well, you made you first plot, but you were late in landing, so you missed your second plot connection. Next time, someone root Morrigan so she sticks around longer, ok?
  5. There you were, minding your business, when 3 Tribe of the Night hobgoblins decide to make an example of their fighting prowess. And you were closest. Or slowest. Whatever; now you're the deadest.
  6. Uh oh. What does it mean when Death says, "You again?!?"

Saturday Night

  1. Just how tremendous are you? You do something wicked stylish and bask in your glory all evening.
  2. Not bad at all. You avoid getting killed, you raise some cash, and you have some pretty good assists out there.
  3. You turn a corner and find a very displeased (one of Dave Kennedy's characters -- pick one) not more than 10 feet from you. Fortunately, you fasttalk your way out of there. Good to know your adrenaline glands still work, thanks.
  4. Unfortunately, the Dark Elves 20 feet behind DK aren't as amused.
  5. Nor is Death.
  6. Oh well, boring character anyways.

Sunday Day

  1. Oh, yeah! Some running around, some fasttalk, and you and the Gold Court are all good. Bonus!
  2. Mmm, sleeping in...
  3. A module gate opens when you're not more than 15 feet away. You even beat Heymesh running in.
  4. Too bad Heymesh is now possessed / undead / something and is trying to kill you.
  5. No... the tavern ran out of black death? You have GOT to be kidding!
  6. Darn, cleanup is only 1:2.
Breaking News:

Local spy brutally killed

"So I ask my boys, 'find me a good coffeemaker'. And what do I get from one of them?", laments a local information specialist who wishes to remain anonymous. "'Legends speak of something called 'a grocery store', but no details are known about it.' So I got the boys all together, found out which one gave me that answer, and stabbed him in the neck 17 times. Now I need a new spoon."

Barton Center director given lobotomy

"Apparently he's now posting to our messageboard as 'dark souled one'", sources reveal. "That, or 'Stupid Person' or 'No really, someone who really really knows' or 'Ooh ooh, pick me! Me!'" Scientists are unsure why no one ever posts as "Clueless" or "Morally straight person".

Darklocke and Tomo's Social Column is an OOG production of Mike Magelinski (Darklocke) and David Leung (Tomo). Dave is now pretty unapologetic for continuing to brutually rip off , so hopefully they won't sue us. :)