Darklocke & Tomo's
Social Column

Published whenever we feel like it.

Vol 2, Issue #4

5 Pho, 1602

All The News We Think You Need To Know

Headline News:

Seers not roundly scolded by Deliah all last moon. No one was even verbally flayed alive. Loremasters are unsure when the last time that happened was.


The Okian spymaster was not seen stuffed head-first into the latrine after angry townspeople, variously pissed, intrigued, and amused by the latest New Galen-Okian developments, hogtied him in place.


Poll: Ryan Kane got Final'ed by Majestic Bob. Who do you think will do in Drago?


Sandman accidentally ignored at party. "There I was, with KEY INFORMATION PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW, and no one listened to me!" (Note: we took the liberty of fixing the spelling errors and removing the blink tags.)

Area Man Mis-spells "Darteem"

Investigative reporters discovered that a local man consistently spelled the Lord of Death's name as "Dhartyymme". When asked why, he asked, "What, is that wrong? Are there a few punctuation marks missing?"

When asked what alternative spellings he might use, he offered "Zdharrmmmmqtime", "dArt!me", and "Mike".

Regulars at the tavern suggested that this particular individual be renamed to "Jim Shadowsoulstalkerbloodmoonspiritstardeath". People were unsure where to stick extra y's.

Ask Tomo

Well, being dead certainly gives you a new perspective on life. To this end, I'm going to look into my crystal ball... well, ok, I don't have a crystal ball. In fact, out here in the Grey, well... well, to be honest, I can't tell you what we do or don't have out here, but I can tell you a bit about events I see coming up. How, you might ask?

Well, the answer's very simple. When I got this slip of paper from Dan Devitt that says, "Plot ideas for Spring 2003" and got told, "feel free to drop rumors", I didn't bother asking why. That's not the role of a reporter.

Editor's Note: That's because no one would actually believe you, so he's completely free to do this.

Pay no attention to that man.

So, here it is: coming up in the Spring, we have:

  • Remy's Dragon to marshall his forces and invade Tor Lichtenstein.
  • Alhadim suicide squad plans to invade town over and over again. Plans to, at any rate.
  • Community Players planning on dropping theatre troupe pretense and to move to next step in their agenda of starting a new small village by staging Hamlet.

Remember, you heard it here first. Well, read it, at any rate...

The New Garrison...

Bryn MacDuff is starting a mercenary company. That isn't news.

What is news is that Mikael is starting a merc company as well. Get that Gypsy mojo working.

Which means we have competition, and last night, it all came to a head, Galenese-style.

Take it away, Darklocke!

Foggy city streets, Darklocke in a red leather tunic showing off dancing moves he truly lacks, singing these meaningful words to the wise. Occasionally cutting to shots of two groups, Bryn MacDuff leading the Black Watch to the rumble site, and Mikael Narovich with gypsies and the Guild behind him as they go to meet the Watch. They all march meaningfully to the beat, trying hard not to look like idiots whilst showing how bad they are through dance...

Mikael Narovich, he is new around here
He's got the gypsy blood that is very clear
He'll make every hecta that you own disappear
So beat it, just beat it...

You better run you better pack for a trip
He's got a nasty dagger, don't you give him lip
He's really quite tough, though his sister cracks the whip
So beat it, but you're in the Black Watch

Just beat it, go on,
No one wants to be Eidolan
Fightin' a gypsy, in a knife fight
Poison will make you, sleep through the night
Just beat it, beat it,
Just beat it, beat it....

They're out to get you it's the clan called MacDuff
They're ready for a rumble this is getting rough
But the gypsies want to show you that the men can be tough
So beat it, just beat it...

Mikael starts to wonder if he's down on his luck
Is he a macho man or slimy gypsy f...
They'll slay 'im and they'll maim 'im
And they'll run all amok
So beat it, 'cause the Black Watch is ba-aaa-aaa-aaad

Just beat it, go on,
No one wants to be Eidolan
Fighting a Maben, bringing the heat
If you get off easy
You're prob'ly a sheep

Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it...

Both groups meet in a run down alleyway square. A neutral party binds Mikael and Bryn's wrists together with a dream cord whilst Lady Deliah looks on disapprovingly. They, in a fit of rage, bent on killing each other, showing each other who is the meanest, roughest fellow in the Frontier alleyways, start dancing around each other. Darklocke sings into the group, stops both parties from killing each other, and all groups dance in sync as they hear the meaning of Darklocke's sung words... just beat it, it's not worth it...
... But you wanna be bad
Just beat it, go on...
No one wants to be Eidolan... etc. etc.

Breaking News:

Peace Talks Fall Through

Last chance for negotiating a peace with the Okians fails due to Galenese representatives neglecting to show up for the meeting. When questioned about the seemingly deliberate snub, Commander Dolan Ironglaive was quoted as saying: "Hey, we was there RIGHT... ON... TIME! Not MY fault that... wait, what? We were supposed to do what with the clocks this weekend? Oh that's just bloody perfect..."

Darteem To Move His Realm

Lord Death realized that the tavern's new digs are much nicer than his. Accordingly, several Aspects of Death were seen directing the move from the hut near the lake into the enormous walk-in freezer. One Aspect was overheard as saynig, "Hurry up with that desk, Ishiro. Oh, and stop your whining, Loketh. I was just kidding when I said you had to carry the Final Bell balanced on your nose."

Darklocke and Tomo's Social Column is an OOG production of Mike Magelinski (Darklocke) and David Leung (Tomo). Dave is now pretty unapologetic for continuing to brutually rip off , so hopefully they won't sue us. :)