Darklocke & Tomo's
Social Column

Published whenever we feel like it.

Vol 2, Issue #2

53 Fire, 1602

All The News We Think You Need To Know

Headline News:

Night Alyss pissed that he didn't get to perform at Feast. "I was all set to sing, 'I Hold Your Hand In Mine' (Tom Lehrer), but do they let me? Noooooooo." Plans to beat the town senseless in retaliation are reportedly underway.


Darklocke on the Lam. Apparently after not giving proper credit to Candace Isir for her original piece on fashion, Darklocke is being hunted down for plagarism. "For Tomo, I figure I'll just add sugar to my green tea." Screams of agony could be heard coming from beyond Death's Door.


The Okian spymaster was not seen at Lady Ilena's feast seated between Oleana and the Dark Elf guests and engaged in heavy negotiation with the Spider Cult.


Poll: The next event is coming up. What are you looking forward to?


Da Gazette late in publishing again. Oh, wait, that's not news; that's like reporting the sun rose in the east again.

Muppet News

Waka waka waka, it's Fozzie Valendale! But just before we get to fashion news, let's see what's going on! Scooter?

(Durkin) Thanks, Fozzie. As you can see, I'm here in Doctor Bunsenmoon's lab, and his lab assistant, Beaker, is, umm, what is he drinking?

<Damer drinks a potion>

<Damer's hair stands up straight>

<Damer's head explodes in a huge cloud of smoke>

<Smoke wafts>

<Smoke clears, revealing a puzzled-looking Feldor>

(Blackmoon): Innnnnnteresting.

(Durkin) OK, back to you in the studio, Fozzie.

<Fozzie is gaping at the monitor> Oh! Ahem. Yes! Ah, yes, ah, very... yes. Right. Next is... (Where did his head go?) Ahem! Kermit! At the Guild house!

(Mikael) Hey, Fozzie, I'm here at the Guild house--

(Nadja) Kermie, will you please help me find my belled scarf?

(Mikael) Ah, Miss Piggy, I'm in a--

(Nadja) Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, Kermie?

(Mikael) Ah, Miss Piggy, I can't right now--

(Nadja) Look, Buster, you can either help me, or I'll--

(Mikael) OK, ok, I'll get back to you, Fozzie.

(Feylin) And now, for the music news! Take it away, Dr Teeth!

(Lazarus) And a 1, and a 2, and a 1, 2, 3--

<The Galen Mayhem breaks out into its signature piece>

(Lazarus) Heyyy, everybody! I'm Dr Teeth, and this here is the Galen Mayhem band! On sax, it's Zoot; on piano, the one, the only, Rowlf!--

<Giuseppe hits a few high notes; Dolan just nods and grins, hair flopping into his eyes>

On bass, it's Floyd Pepper, and Janice on guitar--

<Darvin and Cpl Adara break into a dueling-guitar routine>

And Animal on drums--

<Urlik starts headbanging on the drums, bringing down the house... sounds of crashing masonry, wood smashing, lights breaking, the whole nine yards...>


(Darklocke, up in a balcony seat) Hey, Tomo!

(Tomo) Yeah?

It's over!

Really? I was dead through the whole thing!

Well, you didn't miss anything!



Fashion News

By Candace Isir and Feylin Valendale. (Not by Darklocke and Tomo. Them. Not us. Thank you. Please don't hit us with that rock. Very kind of you.)

Hey There, Everybody!

Here are your Fashion Consultants Candace and Feylin again -- time for another installment of the DTSC Fashion Sidebar! We know that you, New Galen, have been patiently waiting for our pearls of wisdom, but we're afraid that all we have to offer are clay ones. So, without further ado, here we go!

C: I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed that the Dark Elves haven't taken up our last fashion advice -- I mean, certainly they are wealthy enough to accomplish it correctly, or to at least attempt it properly. I mean, if they are having problems, all they would have to do is ask for assistance!

F: Right-o, Candace, in fact I imagine that it was because of their fashion faux pas that they were passed over most of the last evening. Sure, there were those who out of kindness no doubt spoke to them, but going a bit further, did you see their hair...? Now, you want to talk about burlap? Some cherry bark and water from the brook (providing the swamp trolls don't come after you) would do wonders.

C: Oh well, I guess you can't help some people. And speaking of helping people, the next group of people I'd like to see given some fashion help are: The Scavengers!

F: Hey look, Candace, you are talking about burlap. What a coincidence!

C: Now, really, plain burlap is just so -- wrong. Burlap just doesn't go with anything except burlap, and that gives one such a recipe for a Fashion Disaster! After all, its how fabrics and colors are mixed that gives fashion its haute couture. And speaking of haute couture, let's get started! Now, if the Scavenger simply must dress in burlap (like if its some sort of racial trait or something -- don't want to step on any cultural toes, after all) -- at least Scavengers can do things to make it better!

F: Well, Candace, I doubt that it's a racial trait, more like they're not good Scavengers. And why aren't they good scavengers? Because who is going to take them seriously wearing a potato sack? Sure, I am all about living off the land and using what I can to make a better life for myself, but even this Barbarian has limits!

C: First of all: dye, Scavengers, dye! Burlap can be dyed an amazing range of color with things that can be scavenged right from New Galen! Blood dries to an interesting reddy-brown, some berries and flowers can do blues and yellows, and liberated alchemical potions can probably create all sorts of new and interesting colors that most likely don't even have proper names yet! Remember, Color (tm) can be your friend!

F: Again, right-o, Candace. I just love saying that... You can gather dandelions and cherry bark, mix it with some water (again, mind the trolls), and you have a fanatastic rust color. If earth tones aren't your thing, try picking some of those red and blue flowers you usually find in the woods and mix it with just enough water to stain and you could have a nice violet or sky blue tarp on your body.

I can see it now..."Attention settlers, New Galen presents it's fall line of Scavenger wear. Be the first of your kind to be all of the rage. It's here, it's now, it's Scavenger!"

C: Second of all: finish off those ragged hems! There is absolutely no reason why a proper needle-and-thread technique can't be utilized, and those hems don't even have to be straight and blah. A little jag here, a little jag there -- and voila! Beautiful, not boring!

F: So right, Candace, but with those inept hands that can barely take anything, I wonder what they can really do? I am sure if the local seamstress was approached nicely she might be accomodating. In fact, I know of one that I met in my travels. She lives several hours from New Galen but her work is quite handy. Handy, get it? Inept hands...? Oh I kill myself!

C: And third of all: accessorize! Instead of hiding all the things that are, ummm, found -- how about sewing or gluing them to the dyed-and-finished-hemmed tunics as described above? Amazing pieces of wearable art could be created just by gluing spell packets, gems, bits of glass, potion bottles, etc. etc. in distinctive and unusual patterns all over the fabric's surface. Wear it, don't share it!

F: You so hit the nail on the head with this one, Candace! It's all about accesorizing, just look at the Fey and their fine choice of colors. They know how to blend just the right amount of this with a little bit of that, and shazam! Really Scavengers, if people see you looking, oh shall we say, F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S, then everyone will want to be around you, and they'll be so enamored with you that they'll never even notice they're having stuff taken from them. Think about it. Make fashion work to your advantage, that's my motto! After all, just wait until you guys see some of the outfits I have planned for this fall.

C&F: So remember, all you Scavengers (and New Galen scavengers) -- dress to pass, don't dress passe!

Breaking News:

Kendall Abra Fingered As 'Bad Harpist'

Kendall Abra was arrested for being the bad harpist standing outside the Day's End tavern. "What? What're you talking about? Hey, leggo! What's going on?" he protested as he was dragged away in chains. The bad-harpist denial was a welcome break from the self-admitted pirate denying that he is a pirate.

Abel Does Nixon Impersonation For Charity Benefit

Citing his ease in saying, "I am not an owner", Abel Marko appeared at a recent Neo-Necromancers Debutant Ball charity fundraiser. Flashing V-for-victory signs, Abel assured attendees of the ball that he would not be wiretapping the latrines.

Staff Proud Of Being Cited In Recent Posts

The Editors of the DTSC are extremely puffed-up over the fact that Hoyland's Field of Death (On or Near a Path) in the Middle of Nowhere has become an expression that a staff member (and a senior one, at that!) uses.

Darklocke and Tomo's Social Column is an OOG production of Mike Magelinski (Darklocke) and David Leung (Tomo), with the Fashion Column by guest columnists Susan Calkins (Candace) and Chris Coleman (Feylin). Dave is now pretty unapologetic for continuing to brutually rip off , so hopefully they won't sue us. :)