SPAM Haiku 2901-3000

Move backwards to Numbers 2801-2900.


2901.
Testicular lick,
a mouthed shaft--saliva-slick:
Mt. Fuji erupts!
--tim scannell, scannell@daka.com

2902.
Little poems fit
tiny archipelago:
Japanese haiku.

--tim scannell, scannell@daka.com

2903.
Serendipity.
Economicality:
lexical high coup!

--tim scannell, scannell@daka.com

2904.
Make haiku on SPAM?
What pretention! Forget it.
Leave it to the prose.

--herb hersh

2905.
Why not fling the SPAM
to the top of Mt. Fuji?
Let it rest in piece.

--herb hersh

2906.
Begin with 5 sounds,
and seven more to make twelve.
Then another 5.

--herb hersh

2907.
My tent is leaking;
all I have to eat is SPAM.
I'm discontented.

--herb hersh

2908.
Full-bodied morsels:
it's a perfect SPAM moment.
What am I saying?

--herb hersh

2909.
Delicious good ham
beaten and buttered and steamed
is turned into SPAM.

--herb hersh

2910.
Resonating SPAMs
all coupled with each other?
It makes me shudder.

--herb hersh

2911.
I go to the store
The butcher eyes me strangely
He sees me buy SPAM

--herb hersh

2912.
I can not believe
of my SPAM you would make sport
but not of Cheez-Whiz.

--herb hersh

2913.
Call nine-eleven
if you think you've eaten SPAM.
Next time take more care!

--herb hersh

2914.
While I'm composing
An "Ode on a Slice of SPAM"
It's decomposing.

--herb hersh

2915.
I remove the stain
of the SPAM au gratin with
Absolut Vodka.

--herb hersh

2916.
If mixed with ice cream
and some cubes of baloney,
you have SPAMoni.

--herb hersh

2917.
I like SPAM in June,
but also in December?
I don't remember!

--herb hersh

2918.
The politicians
in Japan all relish SPAM.
It's on their Diet.

--herb hersh

2919.
Much praise to Hormel--
they have the guts to sell SPAM.
Smart buyer beware.

--herb hersh

2920.
Put SPAM in the pan
throw in a pound of butter--
see the SPAM sputter.

--herb hersh

2921.
These are quiet times.
Having nothing else to do
I am eating SPAM.

--herb hersh

2922.
No SPAM has been left!
I'm not just disappointed
I'm very bereft.

--herb hersh

2923.
I am very bored.
Today I walked to village
and purchased some SPAM.

--herb hersh

2924.
They serve no SPAM here--
just steak and seafood dinners.
We must go elsewhere.

--herb hersh

2925.
Will I never learn?
I spent all the day crying.
And over spilt SPAM!

--herb hersh

2926.
I cannot ask more
than please serve SPAM nevermore.
Quote me: "never more."

--herb hersh

2927.
If you must have SPAM
why must you always eat it
right out of the can?

--herb hersh

2928.
Cook Lo prepares SPAM.
We have it much too often.
I am spic of SPAM.

--herb hersh

2929.
Pierre praises SPAM
served on bread with Grey Poupon.
A plate of French boast.

--herb hersh

2930.
Bread and Zinfandel
and juicy slivers of SPAM,
to stay in the pink.

--herb hersh

2931.
SPAM is always served
at Ukranian dinners.
It's on the pogrom.

--herb hersh

2932.
They were out of SPAM
and it was that time of month.
So I went berserk.

--herb hersh

2933.
Something might be said
for a meal of SPAM and bread.
But what can be said?

--herb hersh

2934.
Here in Chicago
gangs use their stashes of SPAM
when they're on the Lam.

--herb hersh

2935.
Prisoners eat SPAM.
The wardens make them do so:
they are the SPAMlords.

--herb hersh

2936.
In my red Honda
I traverse the Brooklyn Bridge.
It is a short SPAM.

--herb hersh

2937.
The aquarium
has species many to see.
I like the SPAM whale.

--herb hersh

2938.
See Michael Jordan
put globe into a circle.
It's just a SPAM-dunk.

--herb hersh

2939.
In the trading pit
there is very good advice:
Buy the Dow; sell SPAM.

--herb hersh

2940.
Consumers' Digest
completes its testing of SPAM:
a real shock hazard.

--herb hersh

2941.
A good aroma
rising from a china plate.
Is it SPAM or steak?

--herb hersh

2942.
Help me I'm drowning.
I can't stop writing haikus.
It's you, Cho, j'accuse!

--herb hersh

2943.
A terrible time,
the SPAMish inquisition.
Not unlike today.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2944.
Slimy spaghetti
under paté de oinker.
SPAM boy-ar-dee. Yum!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2945.
Casa de Piggie
features Tacos Hormel and
SPAM enchiladas.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2946.
Genetic research
finds SPAM gene distinguishing
pork "products" from food.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2947.
Cho adds litany
and robes: SPAM archive is now
tax deductible.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2948.
"Give up SPAM for Lent?
Hah! Over my dead body!"
Suicide by SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2949.
Autopsy finds SPAM;
Kevorkian was nearby.
See you in court, Jack.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2950.
Some think SPAM IS GOOD,
but SAD PIGS MOO to avoid
Hormel's PIG ASS DOOM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2951.
Each SPAM can is like
a birthday present--you don't
know what is inside.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2952.
SPAM: unknown pink stuff
a living organism
a meat substitute

--Anonymous

2953.
At midnight we pause,
raise our tins high in the air,
"Happy New SPAM Year!!"

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2954.
On Valentine's Day
give her what every girl wants:
A big heart-shaped SPAM

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2955.
On Valentine's Eve
I take my love to Chez SPAM
We share a pink slab

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2956.
St. Patrick's dress code
Can't find green; eat SPAM instead
Face turns needed shade

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2957.
SPAM eggs for Easter;
Hide them all over the yard...
"Damn, the dog ate 'em!"

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2958.
Fourth of July fun
They ignite the SPAM rocket,
a dazzling pink burst

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2959.
A Halloween SPAM:
Roll loaves into one big ball.
Carve a mouth and eyes.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2960.
Thanksgiving morning
We're out of bread and croutons.
Stuff the bird with SPAM.

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2961.
Joy at Christmas time
We dance around the SPAM tree,
pretty and pungent

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2962.
Leave SPAM for Santa
Next morning, a reindeer head:
death threat from Kringle

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2963.
In Xanadu did
Kublai Khan gyre and gimble
in the SPAM! (Huh? What???)

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2964.
World too confusing;
I'll eschew obfuscation
and eat humble SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2965.
Preaching the evils
of man's taunts against nature:
it's Elmer SPAMtry.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2966.
Tonight, Passover;
Comet, SPAM-red eclipsed moon.
It is Judgment Day.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2967.
Cop beats up migrants
Heading for "jobs" at Hormel.
Meat tenderizer.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2968.
Ah, my boss on leave.
Office quiet, no work done.
SPAM Haiku all day.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2969.
O'er the Hormel plant
In Minnesota towers
A New Colossus:

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2970.
Not like the offered
Lamb of Greek fame, with well-tied
Limbs in sacrifice;

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2971.
Here at our blood-drenched
Slaughterhouse gates shall stand a
Mighty, fattened Sow,

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2972.
With a greasy grin
Whose fat content is fright'ning,
Named Mother of SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2973.
From her bacon-flesh
Glows pinkish welcome; her stench
Commands the ill-aired

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2974.
Abattoir that twin
Head-locks frame. "Keep ancient lands
Your cuisine!" snorts she.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2975.
"O give me your tired,
Your poor, your oinking masses
Of your teeming shore.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2976.
Send these, herded, fat
Swine, to me. We lift axes
O'er the crimson door!"

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2977.
"I ate SPAM today,
Oh boy." Deleted stanza.
Even Yoko puked.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2978.
SPAMku writer's block.
Opened can to inspire me.
Oh, what have I done.....

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2979.
Dante cataloged
tortures in hell but did not
anticipate SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2980.
Hormel to merge with
WD40 soon.
Look for spray can SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2981.
For emergencies
use SPAM as glue or putty.
Better than duct tape.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2982.
McDonald's wants to
market McMeal in a can.
Hormel sues for fraud.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2983.
Film shows travesty
In snowy Minnesota.
Fargo? No. SPAMgo.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2984.
Last scene in Fargo
Not for the faint-hearted. Shows
Just how SPAM is made.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2985.
Brainerd's Paul Bunyan
Feasts on odd blue tinned meat. Ox
Pen empty, silent.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2986.
Babe nominated
For Oscars, blanked. Investors
Chow down on hero.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2987.
We approach our third
Millenium. SPAM Haiku
Approaches its fourth.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2988.
Unabomber lived
on SPAM, venison, tuna.
Mystery now solved!

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

2989.
I eat spam I am
I do not like it one bit
spam tastes like it's blank

--Anonymous

2990.
Hormel sells Top Shelf
Meals to Dinty Moore, gives full
Attention to SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2991.
"I hate SPAM haikus
as much as I hate Swiftys,"
said Tom meatily.

--john.foster@camel.com

2992.
SPAM, cubed, served hot on
a plate of Spaghetti-Os:
It's SPAMghetti-Os!

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2993.
Composed that one in
the dreamy depths of REM sleep.
I know I need help.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2994.
Imperishable,
fall-out shelter food product;
SPAM, it will provide.

--oliver kuehn, ok@uvic.ca

2995.
Gotta wonder, why
Was it ever invented?
Wartime substitute.

--Elliott Moreton

2996.
Mickey Spillane's Mike
Spammer
: a private eye who
Locates missing pigs.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2997.
The SHAM's Tasty Picks
Don't include enough of my
Offerings. The swine!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2998.
We're about to hit
3000 of these haiku.
We should all get lives.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2999.
The Unabomber
Didn't make bombs out of SPAM.
Guess he's not so bad.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3000.
The CDC in
Atlanta has a locked "SPAM
Room." No admittance!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom


Move forwards to Numbers 3001-3100.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.