SPAM Haiku 2801-2900

Move backwards to Numbers 2701-2800.


2801.
Diarrhea's like
A storm raging inside you.
SPAM is like that, too.
--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2802.
Abraham Lincoln
Said that, "You can't eat all of
The SPAM all the time."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2803.
The end of Hamlet.
Rosencrantz and Gildenstern
Are dead. They ate SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2804.
Go to Burger King.
Order a "SPAM McWhopper."
Watch the confusion!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2805.
Garry Kasparov
Eats SPAM right before a match.
Jim Varney beats him.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2806.
Liver and onions.
Frozen chicken pot pies. What's
Worse than them both? SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2807.
Young man seeks doctor.
"I write SPAM haiku," he says.
Psychotherapy.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2808.
"I'm Bob, and I write
SPAM haiku." "Hi, Bob!" It's an
SHA meeting.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2809.
Condemned inmate eats
SPAM for his last meal. He is
A Dead Man Farting.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2810.
"Open the SPAM can
Lid, HAL." "I'm sorry, Dave, I
Can't do that," HAL says.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2811.
SPAM is unhealthy
for children and for other
living things, they say.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2812.
Windy cold pre-dawn
SPAM burrito and coffee
Bond trader's delight

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2813.
Driving my drop-top
While spooning SPAM from its can
An exultant rush

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2814.
Hot sun overhead
Makes me intensely restless
SPAM makes me gassy

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2815.
Squirming in my seat
Scarfing down SPAM mightily
Weaving recklessly

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2816.
Worldwide pollution
"Human Spam Counts Decreasing!"
The silver lining

--Alice Bell, Sex Educator, Scott_Bell@mindlink.bc.ca

2817.
SPAM TV dinner
on a rusty folding tray.
Ah! Euphoria!

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2818.
Mix Tang and borax
to kill those nasty roaches.
Use SPAM for large game.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2819.
Buddha teaches that
desire leads to suffering.
Want not, hurt not: SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2820.
Will Rogers never
met a man who just finished
eating SPAM for lunch.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2821.
Historical fact:
The Donner party carried
lots and lots of SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2822.
Barefoot in Freemont
Smashing pork shoulder and ham
Gore between my toes

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2823.
Unabomber's change
of heart: non-lethal pork tins
inflict mass terror.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2824.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust. All things complete
the cycle but SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2825.
Pheasant under glass.
Upon closer inspection
a fowl SPAM sculpture.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2826.
"Bless me, Father, for
I have sinned. SPAM passed my lips."
Too much for the church.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2827.
nobody loves me
everyone always hates me
think i'll go eat spam

--hothead@doublespace.com

2828.
Hint for homemakers:
Serve Kool-Aid in old SPAM tins.
Jim Jones tried it once.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2829.
All hail the SPAM Queen!
Most just among meatriarchs.
Let them eat SPAM cake!

--Michael Pohl, mjpohl01@homer.louisville.edu

2830.
Tragic nuclear
accident mutates piggies
into horrid SPAMs.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2831.
If Schrödinger's cat
eats the SPAM, uncertainty
is out the door: dead.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2832.
Enormous black hole
ejects pristine can of SPAM.
Physicists abuzz.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2833.
The question of soul
Expand molecules, extend...
Condense, congeal; SPAM.

--qtimes10@aol.com

2834.
Thank you Hormel Foods,
For blessing us with this SPAM,
Daily nutrition.

--Anonymous

2835.
"Mad cow" warnings halt
all beef sales in U.K. stores.
McSPAM starts riots.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2836.
Mir linkup in space,
astronauts bring SPAM as gift.
Uh oh. Nude space walk.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2837.
The warning label
notes SPAM food fights are safer
if can is opened.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2838.
On St. Hormel's day
all the animals but pigs
reflect and give thanks.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2839.
SPAM treat: smart paté,
or meat parts, or ma's pet rat;
spells and smells the same.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2840.
O Hyakutake
Night sky blue as my SPAM can
Ooo! Ahhh! Back to sleep

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2841.
Dear SPAM, my close friend.
You are better than Play-Dough,
But don't taste as good.

--Budah the SPAM god

2842.
Pink "How can you have
any pudding if you don't
eat your SPAM LITE" Floyd

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2843.
A shiny pink mass--
Hand me the $@#*ing spork now
or I'll kick your *%$.

--bohux@ix.netcom.com

2844.
John Cho, I cannot
Find your SPAM haiku pages
On the Internet.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2845.
NAIC? What?!?
Said my browser as it choked
As though on a SLAB.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2846.
Browsers don't eat SPAM,
Just some amps and watts and bytes;
Bet still, Netscape puked.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2847.
I do not like SPAM
And haiku, I can skip it.
But spamku? I howl.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2848.
I laughed 'til I cried
When I read, oh, twenty-five
Of the spamku poems.

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2849.
But I need a fix
Of spamku, and mighty quick.
E-mail me the lot!

--Chuck Hancock, chancock@ix.netcom.com

2850.
Dole nomination
guaranteed. SPAM quality
guaranteed. Oh, joy.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2851.
Pie in the sky, or
actual pig in the tin.
Equally likely.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2852.
Patient found, naked,
Babbling, eating SPAM with hands:
Instant commitment.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2853.
Psychotherapy.
Unless, of course, SPAM's involved:
then do shock treatments.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2854.
For eaters of SPAM
Is analysis worthwhile?
I think perhaps not.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2855.
He tells his kind shrink,
"I admit I like my SPAM."
His therapy ends.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2856.
Art therapy for
the young, regressed psychotic:
fingerpaint with SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2857.
In-patient unit
Recovering SPAM eaters
No one will work there

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2858.
A Twelve Step program:
SPAMholics Anonymous.
One more SPAMless day.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2859.
Doctor tells his peer,
"I sometimes eat yummy SPAM."
Loses his license.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2860.
There's a new branch of
SPAMholics Anonymous
for SPAMku addicts.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2861.
Years of therapy--
Repressed memory returns:
Mom made me eat SPAM.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2862.
Can't hate her for it.
Turns out she was SPAM-abused
by HER own mother.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2863.
For good of my kids:
I'm in SPAM recovery.
Must break these chains now.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2864.
Warbles Juliet,
"Wherefor art thou, Spameo?
Fill me with your meat."

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2865.
Star Trek-dressed juror
Thrown out. "Next, please!" Cho steps up,
Dressed as can of SPAM.

--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

2866.
People eating SPAM
Enjoying it every time
World is now happy

--Anonymous

2867.
Shrimp and shellfish scare
brings about SPAMbalaya.
Cajuns drop like flies.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2868.
Republicans and
Democrats agree on but
one thing: SPAM for lunch.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2869.
Wow! SPAM haiku page.
It's like a new religion.
The world must prepare...

--Anonymous

2870.
Einstein, Socrates,
Laplace, and Mr. Hormel.
They're true geniuses.

--Anonymous

2871.
Planet of the Apes.
SPAM in Taylor's ration pack.
"Damn you all to hell!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2872.
Later, Taylor finds
the Statue of Liberty
Clutching a SPAM can.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2873.
The Ten Commandments.
"Let's see your people make SPAM
Without pigs," says Yul.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2874.
Eating British SPAM
Leads to haiku craziness.
It's "mad pig disease."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2875.
Apple Computer
Goes out of business, and yet
Hormel survives. Ha!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2876.
1983.
The Police record their hit,
"Every SPAM You Bake."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2877.
Kurt Cobain preferred
Suicide to eating SPAM.
Hey, who can blame him?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2878.
Courtney Love prefers
Heroin to eating SPAM.
Hey, who can blame her?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2879.
Law firm for Hormel
Takes on Tums as a client.
Conflict of interest.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2880.
Were the Menendez
Brothers justified? Of course.
Parents served them SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2881.
Alka-Seltzer ad.
"I can't believe I ate the
Whole SPAM." They get sued.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2882.
mon/tues/wednes/thurs/fri
spam/coffee/spam/coke/spam/scotch
I'm sick of Freemont

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2883.
Definition of
irony: excess SPAM means
vegetative state.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2884.
Local grocery
always has SPAM or ramen
on sale for the poor.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2885.
Can I reconcile
SPAM haiku and being a
member of PETA?

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2886.
If it's not in the
smart yellow pages, maybe
it's a SPAM fan club.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2887.
Snooty waiter at
Spago pretends not to hear
my order for SPAM.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2888.
Fleas bite my good dog.
Pesky parasites? Just bugs?
Too smart to eat SPAM.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2889.
Geezers in nursing
home count minutes 'til SPAM lunch.
Not much to live for.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2890.
Would you like some soy
cheese on your SPAM sandwich? We
must be kind to cows.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2891.
State fair coming up.
I just can't wait for that deep
fried SPAM on a stick.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2892.
Still writing SPAMku.
Netscape locked up, solitaire
getting real boring.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG

2893.
spam at 6am
just before i leave for work
think i'll call in sick!

--Steve McCreery, mccreery@tampa.mindspring.com

2894.
At three hundred years
Nostradamus found his fame.
Cho and SPAM take heart.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2895.
On lush black velvet,
an instant art world classic:
Four Dogs Eating SPAM.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2896.
Another meeting:
"I'm Dale, I'm a SPAMholic."
"Hi, Dale," they reply.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

2897.
Take Saddam subtract
add insert letter number
sixteen in place two

--Anonymous

2898.
muck on my haunches
gelatin in my jockstrap
squalor in Austin

--mgeraty@fnbc.com

2899.
Oh, that lovely SPAM--
Pink, soft, and jiggling morsel
of artery glue.

--Cliff Drane, cliff@11th2nd.com

2900.
A delicious treat
In a blue and yellow can
Our Favorite Meat

--Chris Petro


Move forwards to Numbers 2901-3000.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.