| Most likely to have killed his on-screen father (who was sitting on the toilet at the time) |
| Largest vocal range (female) |
| Best windsurfer reporting for duty |
| Most likely to fund a tower for Tim Berners-Lee, Dina Katabi, and Erik Demaine |
| Most likely to slide his crotch into a camera in front of 200 million people |
| Most appropriate surname |
| Most likely to buy weed from Snoop Dogg |
| Most likely to chair spin |
| Most likely to need to be rescued |
| Most likely to drive a bus that couldn’t slow down |
| Most likely to be name dropped in an Outkast song |
| Most likely to crash your karaoke party, bachelor party, or White House press briefing (but no one will ever believe you) |
| Most likely to need to run to Zales to get a “Kobe Special” |
| Most likely to be photoshopped onto movie posters |
| Most likely to portray a procyonid |
| Most likely to team up with a Monster of Folk |
| Most likely to lay down a diss track in response to a Twitter beef |
| Most likely to tell you about the best new thing in the world |
| Pro: most likely to write thank you notes. Con: most likely to promote #hashtags. |
| Most likely to run operations for both a Senior Haus alum and a Kirkland House dropout |
| Most likely to find the nation’s next top model |
| Least likely to be invited to White House, due to doughnut licking |
| Best Sk8ter Girlfriend |
| Most likely to distribute the 2005 Pontiac G6 |
| Most likely to sing the theme song for the highest rated program on television |