Philosophies

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON PROBLEM SOLVING When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON ECONOMICS The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. -- English Professor, Ohio University

ON POETIC LOVE When you're swimmin' in the creek And an eel bites your cheek That's a moray! -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON MODERNISM Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. Q: How many minimalists does it take to change a light bulb? A: One

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON EXTINCTION Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON LITERATURE This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. -- Dorothy Parker

ON HUMILITY To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON PROPHECY The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.

ON NUMBERS Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICS Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.