A Few Choice Words

• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.
• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
• Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still and idiot.
• If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
• Few women admit their age. Few men act it.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
• According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
• Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
• Pride is what we have, vanity is what others have.
• Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal.
• WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math
• Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
• Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
• We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• Diplomacy is the art of saying, "nice doggie!" until you can find a rock.
• I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
• "Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog." -Dorothy
• Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
• Eschew Obfuscation
• Why do you write things down, but type them up?
• You can lead a horse to water. You can probably even make him drink.
• But if you can get him to float on his back, then you've got something.
• If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
• How can there be self-help groups?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their pickets?
• When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
• If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
• If you lick the air, does it get wet?

LinkExchange Member