Political Translations

Crisis: Any situation you want to change.
Bilingual: Unable to speak English.
Equal opportunity: Preferential treatment.
Non-judgmental: Blaming society.
Compassion: The use of tax money to buy votes.
Insensitivity: Objection to the use of tax money to buy votes.
Simplistic: An argument you disagree with but can't answer.
Rehabilitation: Magic words said before releasing criminals.
Demonstration: A riot by people you agree with.
Mob Violence: A riot by people you disagree with.
A matter of principle: A political controversy involving the convictions of liberals.
An emotional issue: A political controversy involving the convictions of conservatives.
Funding: Money from the government.
Commitment: More money from the government.
Docudrama: A work of fiction about famous people.
Autobiography: A work of fiction about yourself.
Federal budget: A work of fiction about government spending.
People's Republic: A place where you do what you are told or get shot.
National liberation movements: Organizations trying to create People's Republic.
Stereotypes: Behavior patterns you don't want to think about.
Constitutional interpretation: Judges reading their own political views into the Constitution.
Politicizing the courts: Criticizing judges for reading their own political views into the Constitution.
A proud people: Chauvinists you like.
Bigots: Chauvinists you don't like.
Antiwar movement: Disarmament advocates who know the idea won't fly under its own name.
Private greed: Making money selling people what they want.
Public service: Gaining power to make people do what you want them to.
Innovation: Something new.
New Innovation: Something new by someone who doesn't know English.
Competency: Competence, as described by the incompetent.
Moderate Arabs: Mythical beings to whom Sate Department officials make sacrificial offerings.
Special-interest lobby: Politically organized conservatives.
Public-interest group: Politically organized liberals.
Accountability: Holding teachers, public officials, and private business responsible for their misdeeds.
Chilling effect: Holding journalists responsible for their misdeeds.