Distributed at a recent White House press briefing. Apparently the Clinton Health Care Task Force realized that most Americans were not privy to the Arkansas medical jargon frequently articulated by the administration. This was to clear up any lingering confusion.


Artery: The study of paintings
Bacteria: The back door of a cafeteria
Barium: What doctors do when patients die
Bowel: Letter like "A", "E", "I", "O", "U"
Caesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for a kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Colic: A sheep dog
D&C: Where the President lives
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Real fast or quick
Genital: Not a Jew
G.I. Series: Military TV show
Hangnail: Coat hook
Impotent: Distinguished/Well-known
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work
Morbid: A higher offer
Nitrates: Cheaper than day-rates
Node: Was aware of
Out Patient: A person who fainted
Pap Smear: Fatherhood test
Pelvis: A cousin of Elvis
Postoperative: Letter carrier
Recovery Room: A place to do upholstery
Rectum: Dang near killed 'em
Seizure: Roman emperor
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
Tumor: Two more than before
Urine: Opposite of mine
Varicose: Nearby/ Not far
Vein: Conceited