I was wondering what the big deal with Kurt Cobain was, so I stole his skull. It was very, very hard. Somebody had cremated the guy as a ruse, and buried an old black man in the coffin. Boy, was -he- surprised, from the looks of things... Standing outside the Ruscher Creamtorium, covered in mud and crowbar-in-hand, I had no idea that I had been seen. It was 3:54am, don't people have lives? I woke up in the main office, Mr.Ruscher and a pimply rentacop had handcuffed me to a chair. It seems that the guard had tasered me in the ass... I was still having flashbacks from the TeddyBear desktop pattern that kept running across my eyesockets, so basically I just sat there drooling for a few. My ass really hurt, and I tasted copper... So anyways, gibson (my computer) was still floating around in a jell-o bath out in a shopping-cart in the parking lot- I could see it rolling around alone thru the window. I noticed that Cobain's skull was sitting on a shelf, next to Bela Lugosi's pickled left arm. What the Hell? I piced up the chair, swinging it like a big-ass sword and I'm in a Conan movie! "AIEIAAIEAIEAIEAIEAIAE!!! Eat shit corp ash-handlers and proctologist monkeys!" (...it just seemed the right thing to say...) The rentacop goes for his gun - WHACK! out the window he goes... and there's a thunk as he lands (head-1st I'm hoping) in a dumpster 2 floors below. Ruscher's on the phone to 911: "What the! oh fu..." he sweats cuz i'm spinning the broken chair on the handcuff chain like nunchukas... "You'd better get here quickly, omygod!" "YOU WANNA PIECE O' ME FATBOY!!! I'LL SPORK YOUR ASS!!!" Kick him in the chest. So I grab the skull (it was PLAINLY LABELLED: Cobain Skull, Prj#1zx31) and the arm (I'm a Lugosi fan, what can I say?) and jump feet-1st out the window. The mangled chair catches on the edge, and the handcuffs start pulling out my personal I-V... So I'm hanging from the 3rd floor holding a dirty skull and a pickled arm, and a mixture of Jolt-cola and Smack is trickling down my arm, tickling my armpits and staining my favorite Jesus t-shirt. Luckily the chair comes apart and I drop 30 feet into the dumpster. I probably woulda broken my legs if I hadn't landed on "Joe" the rentacop (his nametag got stuck on my tanker boots when they punched through his chest...). So I crawl out and the cops are pulling up already so I throw the skull and the arm into the jell-o, grab the cart and gibson, and scooter that aluminum pile of shit downhill at 35mph. So now I'm sitting at home, the skull under my bed (I dropped the arm dammit), and I'm wondering "What's the big deal with Kurt Cobain?"