By John Toomey
Artwork by Kevin Simmons and Anna Brunner
Answer: SMALL NOVEL

Each of the pictures represents a location/word in Adams and Lloyd’s The Meaning of Liff. When the locations are plotted on a map in order within their groupings, they form letters which spell out SMALL NOVEL, the solution.


1) OSSETT
“A frilly spare-toilet-roll-cosy.”
2) DOLGELLAU
“The clump, or cluster, of bored, quietly enraged, mildly embarassed men waiting for their wives to come out of a changing room in a dress shop.”
3) LUTON
“The horseshoe-shaped rug which goes around a lavatory seat.”
4) BISHOP’S CAUNDLE
“An opening gambit before a game of chess whereby the missing pieces are replaced by small ornaments from the mantelpiece.”

5) PERRANZABULOE
“One of those spray things used to wet ironing with.”
6) LLANELLI
“Descriptive of the waggling movement of a person’s hands when shaking water from them or warming up for a piece of workshop theatre.”
7) DEWLISH
“(Of the hands or feet.) Prunelike after an overlong bath.”
8) DIDCOT
“The tiny oddly-shaped bit of card which a ticket inspector cuts out of a ticket with his clipper for no apparent reason. It is a little-known fact that the confetti at Princess Margaret’s wedding was made up of thousands of didcots collected by inspectors on the Royal Train.”
9) FULKING
“Pretending not to be in when the carol-singers come round.”

10) GRIMMET
“A small bush from which cartoon characters dangle over the edge of a cliff.”
11) CROMARTY
“The brittle sludge which clings to the top of ketchup bottles and plastic tomatoes in nasty cafés.”
12) DUDDO
“The most deformed potato in any given collection of potatoes.”

13) GOOLE
“The puddle on the bar into which the barman puts your change.”
14) BALDOCK
“The sharp prong on the top of a tree stump where the tree has snapped off before being completely sawn through.”
15) NACTON
“The ’n’ with which cheap advertising copywriters replace the word ‘and’ (as in ‘fish ’n’ chips’, ‘mix ’n’ match’, ‘assault ’n’ battery’), in the mistaken belief that this is in some way chummy or endearing.”

16) AITH
“The single bristle that sticks out sideways on a cheap paintbrush.”
17) FROLESWORTH
“Measure. The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn’t think you’re a complete moron.”
18) SOTTERLEY
“Uncovered bit between two shops with awnings, which you have to cross when it’s raining.”

19) PIMPERNE
“One of those rubber nodules found on the underneath side of a lavatory seat.”
20) DORRIDGE
“Technical term for one of the lame excuses written in very small print on the side of packets of food or washing powder to explain why there’s hardly anything inside. Examples include ‘Contents may have settled in transit’ and ‘To keep each biscuit fresh they have been individually wrapped in silver paper and cellophane and separated with corrugated lining, a cardboard flap, and heavy industrial tyres’.”
21) ROCHESTER
“One who is able to gain occupation of the armrest on both sides of their cinema or aircraft seat.”
22) CLENCHWARTON
“One who assists an exorcist by squeezing whichever part of the possessed the exorcist deems useful.”

23) FRADDAM
“The small awkward-shaped piece of cheese which remains after grating a large regular-shaped piece of cheese and enables you to cut your fingers.”
24) EPPING
“The futile movements of forefingers and eyebrows used when failing to attract the attention of waiters and barmen.”
25) SCOSTHROP
“To make vague opening or cutting movements with the hands when wandering about looking for a tin opener, scissors, etc., in the hope that this will help in some way.”
26) FINUGE
“In any division of foodstuffs between several people, to give yourself the extra slice left over.”
27) GWEEK
“A coat hanger recycled as a car aerial.”

28) SCONSER
“A person who looks around when talking to you, to see if there’s anyone more interesting about.”
29) DAMNAGLAUR
“A certain facial expression which actors are required to demonstrate their mastery of before they are allowed to play MacBeth.”
30) ALDCLUNE
“One who collects ten-year-old telephone directories.”

31) LIFF
“A book, the contents of which are totally belied by its cover. For instance, any book the dust jacket of which bears the words: ‘This book will change your life’.”
32) SCREGGAN
“The crossed-out bit caused by people putting the wrong year on their cheques all through January.”
33) HUCKNALL
“To crouch upwards: as in the movement of a seated person’s feet and legs made in order to allow a cleaner’s hoover to pass beneath them.”
34) AHENNY
“The way people stand when examining other people’s bookshelves.”
35) ABINGER
“One who washes up everything except the frying pan, the cheese grater, and the saucepan which the chocolate sauce has been made in.”

36) WORKSOP
“A person who never actually gets round to doing anything because he spends all his time writing out lists headed ‘Things to Do (Urgent)’.”
37) SCRAPTOFT
“The absurd flap of hair a vain and balding man grows long above one ear to comb it to the other ear.”
38) ACLE
“The rogue pin which shirtmakers conceal in the most improbable fold of a new shirt. Its function is to stab you when you don the garment.”