Solution to Stalk Us Maybe
Authors: Jenelle Feather, Laura Royden, and Michael Pihulic
This is, in fact, an internet stalking puzzle. You're given a selection of members of Alice Shrugged, complete with pictures, graduation years, hometowns, and fun facts with enumerations after them.
Once you begin to read about these people, you'll soon discover that the name matches the picture and graduation year, but that the hometowns are wrong and the fun facts are partially incorrect. Each fun fact can be corrected by replacing part of the fact with a phrase that matches the given enumerations.
The correct fun facts and hometowns are as follows:
Usman Akeju '04 - Mount Vernon, NY - I starred in the Dramashop production "Bhoma".
Jeff Barrett '02 - Milton, MA - My research area is human genetics.
Danny Ben-David '15 - New York City, NY - I am the President and Grand Poobah of the Why Not ZoidPAC? Super Pac. [Errata: Danny closed Why Not ZoidPAC? in 2018, so this statement should now be read in the past tense.]
Seth Bisen-Hersh '01 - East Brunswick, NJ - I wrote a song called "If Only I Were Gay".
Harrison Bralower '11 - Naperville, IL - I wrote "It All Started With a Sound Board".
Meredith Brown '06 - Ahoskie, NC - I judge submissions for the Undergraduate Writing Colloquium Contest.
Brandy Buckingham '02 - Kansas City, KS - I was an actor in SPG Improv at Northwestern University.
Charlene Clark '03 - Lebanon, NH - I worked as a body piercer.
Kevin Der '06 - Concord, MA - I am a regular New York Times crossword contributor.
Josh Dillon '09 - Highland Park, IL - I use radio waves to study evolution during the Cosmic Dawn period.
Amal Dorai '04 - Lexington, MA - I lost a beaver paw on Harvard's campus.
Zak Fallows '11 - Watertown, MA - I taught "Drugs and the Brain" at MIT in Spring 2013.
Jenelle Feather '13 - Windber, PA - I was surrounded by a herd of elk while in a purple pickup at Rocky Mountain National Park.
Teasha Feldman '14 - Olympia, WA - I spent a summer with MISTI working at International Iberian Nanotechnology Laboratory.
Rishi Gupta '10 - Cupertino, CA - I am a current PhD student in Theoretical Computer Science.
Lauren Herring '16 - Jacksonville, FL - I'm an inventor, aviatrix, accidental neuroscientist.
Harvey Jones '06 - Palo Alto, CA - I tested a novel form of voting that Ron Rivest developed.
Jason Juang '08 - Blue Ash, OH - I attended Sycamore Junior High School.
Dan Katz '03 - Newtown, PA - I won the Boit Manuscript Prize from the Program in Writing and Humanistic Studies at MIT.
Chris Lyon '02 - Kensington, CA - I collect and restore pinball machines.
Laura Martini '08 - Minneapolis, MN - I made "Naughty Nosh", "Pink", and "Bubble Gum" ice cream.
Dave Nelson '05 - St. Louis, MO - I was a Research Scientist II at Xerox.
Galen Pickard '05 - Fort Collins, CO - I won the DARPA Network Challenge.
Michael Pihulic '04 - Lawton, OK - I was on the Varsity Fencing (sabre) team for MIT.
Jay Pottharst '03 - New Orleans, LA - I'm currently living in a motorhome.
Erin Rhode '04 - Plymouth, MN - My mother's maiden name is Freisleben.
Laura Royden '14 - Columbia, MD - i like glitter and nylon and coffee.
Anand Sarwate '02 - Urbana, IL - My PhD advisor was Michael Gastpar.
Kat Struckmann '14 - Hollis, NH - I worked at the Changing Places Group at the MIT Media Lab.
Kristen Sunter '04 - Longmeadow, MA - I was one of the organizers of ROFLcon.
Ash Turza '10 - Milwaukee, WI - In 2005, I wrote Flight of the Dauntless.
David Wilson '04 - Tampa, FL - I wrote one of the entries in the NIST SHA-3 competition.
You should now notice that each correct hometown matches someone else's original incorrect hometown, which can be used to form a chain of people. After placing the people into the chain given by these hometowns, use the graduation years to index into the corrected phrase from the fun facts:
T (David Wilson)
E (Harrison Bralower)
C (Rishi Gupta)
H (Ash Turza)
N (Jenelle Feather)
I (Erin Rhode)
Q (Meredith Brown)
U (Jeff Barrett)
E (Zak Fallows)
M (Usman Akeju)
M (Laura Martini)
I (Dan Katz)
V (Amal Dorai)
P (Brandy Buckingham)
A (Danny Ben-David)
G (Seth Bisen-Hersh)
E (Jason Juang)
L (Kristen Sunter)
X (Lauren Herring)
X (Dave Nelson)
V (Harvey Jones)
I (Teasha Feldman)
I (Chris Lyon)
I (Anand Sarwate)
T (Jay Pottharst)
W (Josh Dillon)
O (Galen Pickard)
W (Kevin Der)
O (Laura Royden)
R (Michael Pihulic)
D (Charlene Clark)
S (Kat Struckmann)
Turning to page 78 of the 2004 edition of Technique, you will see a picture of a FIRE HOSE, which is the answer to this puzzle.