Eggsam - Script for Eggsaminers

Before administering the Eggsam, you should know the name of the team that has made an appointment. You should also have a copy of the eggsam answer key handout, which you will give to the test-taker if they succeed, and a certificate of failure, which you will give them if they fail.

Greetings. I am Professor Dumpty. This is the final eggsam for my Advanced Vocabulary Course. I sincerely hope you have been paying attention throughout the semester, as opposed to cramming and trying to learn everything at the last minute. As a reminder, you may not use or take notes during this eggsam.

(If there is more than one solver present from the team, that's against the rules, so say:)
As specified in the instructions, this eggsam may only be taken by one student at a time. So I'm afraid all but one of you will have to leave the room before we begin.

Am I correct in my belief that you are a member of the team [TEAM NAME]?
(If they disagree with this, contact HQ and resolve the discrepancy.)

Is this your team's first time taking the eggsam?
(If they say yes, let N=0; if they say no:)
Do you have any certificates of failure to prove this?
(If they do, let N be the number of certificates they show you.)

Very good! You will be permitted [N+1] mistakes. If you make an [(N+2)th] mistake, the eggsam will immediately end. Are you ready?

Ask each question in the order below (be sure to give the question numbers, even though these numbers are out of order). If they answer correctly, tell them they are correct and continue. If they give an incorrect answer, tell them the correct answer and continue. If they make [N+2] mistakes, say:
I'm afraid you have failed in what I eggspected to be an eggsceedingly simple task. Here is a certificate of failure to commemorate your lack of achievement. Please return to your homebase, review your notes, and make an appointment to attempt the eggsam again later. When you return, bring any certificates of failure you have accumulated, as we will allow you to make more mistakes next time.

Question 3: What is a large piece of frozen water that breaks off a glacier and floats in the ocean, causing a hazard for ocean liners?


Question 10: What is a person who intentionally and illegally destroys property by setting it on fire?


Question 15: What is the assignment of degrees of urgency to medical conditions, used to decide the order of treatment of a large group of patients?


Question 8: What is a fastening mechanism, often seen on children's shoes, in which a sheet of tiny hooks attaches to a sheet of tiny loops?


Question 1: What is a wooden cudgel with a large knob on top that is symbolically associated with Ireland?


Question 7: What is a small plastic sheath at the end of a shoelace that prevents the lace from fraying?


Question 13: What is the branch of medicine dealing with the anatomy and physiology of the human eye?


Question 9: What is the European peninsula that contains the nations of Spain and Portugal?


Question 19: What is a system of government in which God is considered the head of state, usually represented by a ruling class of priests?

Answer: ZYGOTE

Question 6: What is a mythical beast with the head of a rooster and the body of a two-legged dragon, possessing a gaze that turns beings to stone?


Question 16: What is an individual with new characteristics caused by a DNA sequence change, such as Colossus or Wolverine?


Question 21: What is a very small sap-sucking insect, known as a greenfly in the United Kingdom?


Question 11: What is a thick-skinned herbivorous ungulate with a distinctive horn that may be sold illegally?


Question 22: What is the 92nd element of the periodic table, known for its unstable isotopes and uses in nuclear technology?

Answer: SYZYGY

Question 20: What is the highest mountain on the planet, named after a former Surveyor General of India?


Question 17: What is a device, often consisting of four cups mounted on a rotating shaft, used to measure wind speed?


Question 12: What is a supercontinent theoretically formed about 300 million years ago, when all current continents were physically connected?


Question 14: What is a viral disease spread by dog bites and associated with animals foaming at the mouth?


Question 18: What is a disorder causing someone to fall asleep suddenly and unexpectedly, as in the title of a Ben Folds Five song?

Answer: MUTINY

Question 5: What is a percussion instrument consisting of a circular frame and small metal jingles that jingle when the instrument is struck?


Question 2: What is a cylindrical toy containing mirrors and colored glass that reveals pleasing patterns when one looks through it and rotates?


Question 4: What is a country approximately the size of Maryland, bordering Uganda and Burundi?


If the test-taker passes (gets through all the questions without making too many mistakes):
Well, I must admit that you have eggsceeded my admittedly low eggspectations! I'm pleased to inform you that you will receive a passing grade in the course. For now, you may take this official souvenir answer key, with my compliments.