Flat Head

1. TRANSPOSAL (7, *7)

This totem pole's crowned by a fierce, massive eagle;
It was carved by the SECOND in northern B.C.
The bird makes the pole seem top-heavy, though regal,
Since it looks like the totem is FIRST-ONE to me.


My kids went to school at PLAIN Elementary,
Which is north of Victoria, not far from the farms.
When I was a kid, we used to play VARY,
But they won't let them now, in case they get harmed.

3. LETTER BANK (3, 8, *8'4)

The totem pole's crowned by a bird crying "ONE!";
It was carved by the THREE out on Vancouver Island,
I guess out of cedar, as it's usually done,
And not out of TWO, 'cause that grows in New Zealand.

5. LETTER BANK (3'1, *7)

At NUMBER TWO Lake there is plenty to do,
You can camp, windsurf, hike, you can float your canoe,
But if you're looking for nightlife, that's what it's not got,
'Cause it NUMBER ONE known as a swinging hot spot.

7. LETTER BANK (3, *7)

The climate in TWO is especially fine,
So they grow peaches, cherries, and grapes to make wine.
I would guess that it's hot enough there to grow ONE,
But it's not worth as much, and it's not as much fun.


Sir Francis Bacon never visited Macon,
Or so I've been led to understand.
And I know that it's true that Augustine of TWO
Never came out here to ONE Island.

3. SEVENTH-LETTER CHANGE (*6 *7, *6 *7)

Sir Francis Bacon never visited Macon,
and THE-OTHER-GUY never visited THAT Ranch.

6. CHARADE (3, 6; *9)

The Shuswap and their ONE in this valley did stay,
And wove TWOs for potlatches, which they knew how to make
From cedar bark strips. They don't do so today,
Because the valley is now beneath FINAL WORD Lake.


Whenever I visit British Columbia
I stay with friends in FIRST-NUMBA SECOND-NUMBA.

8. NO-LETTER CHANGE (*5, *5) (base does not change)

Whenever I visit British Columbia
I stay with friends in FIRST-NUMBA FIRST-NUMBA.

7. METATHESIS (*5, *5)

Whenever I visit British Columbia
I stay with friends in AND-YET ANUTHA-NUMBA.


Fort ONE-THING has such a tiny school, according to my mother,
That they only have three pencils, and only one THE-OTHER.

2. BIGRAM DELETION (*3-4, 5)

When I was driving to ONE in our 'vette,
The kids kept on asking me, "are we TWO yet?"

5. BIGRAM DELETION (*8, *3 *3)

I'm planning on driving to ONE, and my car,
Is stocked full of Doritos, and many a TWO bar.

4. REVERSAL (*4, 4)

ONE is like any other town in the Interior,
As you can confirm in the annual log.
The summer weather is good, nay even superior,
But winters get TWO when the dales fill with fog.

4. LINKADE (4, *6; *9)

As small fishing ONEs go, I know it's true
That THREE is often said to be grand;
But I would rather go back to TWO,
And plant my feet in Long Beach's sand.

8. LETTER BANK (*8, +20)

My neighbour moved to A-SMALL-TOWN,
an old utopian settlement,
but the isolation wore him down,
and he required A-LONG-TREATMENT

7. CHARADE (6, 4; *10)

In B.C. towns like THIS ONE ALL RIGHT,
If you join in the ONE of a Saturday night,
You'll likely be offered a can of beer,
Or a TWO of weed, 'cause it's popular here.

1. DELETION (9, *8)

TWO has grown into a rock climbing mecca,
I once hiked the local peak right to the top.
I had to admit that the view was spectacular,
But not for the ONE, it's a 2000 foot drop.