The Baddest Man
...But how did you know who the culprit was?
Well, all of his stories were contradicted by basic facts about anatomy and ecology; he didn't touch any of the freshly-painted woodwork; his flashlight had a red bulb in it; he was so thirsty he had to return to the water fountain several times; and he already knew the cabinet hinges had been removed. Moreover, he's the only one of his brothers without a mustache; there was no candy in any of the pinatas at the store; and there was a spider web across the doorway. Not to mention that tears fall from the inside corner of the eye, not the outside; and penguins don't live in the arctic. You may also have noticed that he asked the victim to buy four tubes of toothpaste; he knew that the sound of the slamming door came from the trunk of the car; his right sideburn was shorter than his left sideburn; you can't play the violin sitting in an armchair; there wasn't enough room in the car for the victim's antique collection; and the wax drippings were facing the door. Of course, he also knew which of the victim's shoes to bring; he was tapping on trees with his walking stick; and the words on the note were actually a telephone number. In addition, he was bald; he was still sweating when he came aboard the boat; he said that the policeman had brought him "back" to the scene of the crime; he knew what color the stolen suitcase was; he had a newspaper and reading lamp in his room; it's not possible to put something in your left pocket with your right hand while running; and yet his towel was soft and fluffy. On top of everything else, he had toast for lunch; electric clocks don't tick; ducks can't eat in zero gravity; he lit a match off the bottom of his shoe; and (most incriminating of all!) he put mustard on top of the sauerkraut on his hot dog!