Solution to Charm School

by Ricky Liu

Each woman can be assigned a verb (to be filled in the blanks) and a noun (from the list of stuff) that can be combined to form a relevant phrase that might be followed by the shtick, "I hardly know her!":

...a dirty fighterSUCKher PUNCH
...an importer-exporterCONTAINher SHIP
...a bohemianCOUNTher CULTURE
...a Harvard researcherWIDENher LIBRARY
...a paludarium ownerFIDDLEher CRAB
...a cartoon loverINSPECTher GADGET
...a cheap baseball fanBLEACHher SEATS
...a backyard recreationistTIEher SWING
...an athleteLOCKher ROOM
...a starship engineerHYPEher DRIVE
...prepared for a blackoutENERGIZEher BATTERY
...a bird trainerCARRYher PIGEON
...a website designerBANher AD
...a gamblerPOKEher FACE
...a game enthusiastCHECKher BOARD
...an aerospace engineerOILher ANGLES
...a bar ownerLICKher LICENSE
...shortELEVATEher SHOES
...a bikini modelHALTher TOP
...an amusement park workerBUMPher CAR
...a tourism bureau employeeVISITher CENTER
...decorating her kitchenREFRIGERATEher MAGNET
...a cheesemakerCRACKher BARREL
...a marine biologistKILLher WHALE
...an assembly line workerCONVEYher BELT
...a candy bar loverBUTTher FINGER
...a parking attendantMEETher MAID
...a University of Arkansas alumnaRAISEher BACK
...in the Air ForceFIGHTher PILOT
...a movie studio executiveWARNher BROTHERS
...a minivan driverSOCKher MOM
...a Best Buy employeeCONSUMEher ELECTRONICS
...a dominatrixTORCHher CHAMBER
...a vegetarianSEIZEher SALAD
...a highway patrolwomanRUBher NECK

The indicated letters spell SOUNDS LIKE GRAPHICAL USER INTERFACE HER. A graphical user interface is a GUI, so the answer is GOOIER. ("Gooier? I hardly know her!")