Eight Not-So-Deadly Sins
Miss Oriflamme appeared to live by a strict moral code. Others, however, were not quite so orthodox.
July 2, 2005
I can't wait to tell you about the amazing date I had last night with Danny!!! You remember I told you last week that he had asked me out for tonight. Imagine! – the senior team quarterback asking ME out!!!! Well, the date finally came, and I'll tell you all about it. Although I'm very scared you will think I am a monstrous person. I really went wild last night, and I'm so afraid people will find out! I know I can trust you, Diary, not to tell anyone what I'm about to confide in you!
Danny was supposed to arrive at 9, and as usual I was running a bit late. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, afraid he would arrive at any time while I was not yet ready. And wouldn't you know, as soon as I did up the zipper on my dress (you know, the emerald green silk number that I wore to Judy's wedding in February), I noticed a brown stain near the waist in the front!!! I was so panicked! I was worried that it could be chocolate, and chocolate on silk is so hard to get out! Luckily, I used that stain remover stick that Joe had recommended and that I happened to have bought recently just in case something like this came up. And it worked beautifully! The stain came out with only a few minutes of light rubbing, and the color of the dress didn't fade or anything. Some day I'll have to write the company and do a product testimonial!!!!
Just then Danny arrived! He looked perfect, standing there in a tuxedo with a blue cummerbund and a bouquet of white peonies in his hand. I welcomed him in, and put the peonies in water in the crystal vase I got for such a steal at Filene's Basement last year. I apologized profusely for not being ready yet, and he was such a gentleman! He said not to worry. So I left him in the living room as I ran upstairs to finish.
Well, since he was so dressed up in a tuxedo and all, I figured I'd wear Grandma's emerald pendant to complete the outfit. But wouldn't you know, the chain was completely tangled in a big ball. Luckily, my nails are still pretty short because of the shih-tzu incident, so I was able to get necklace unknotted in under 10 minutes.
I then realized I hadn't offered Danny anything to drink!!!! He probably thought I was a completely rude and thoughtless person! I ran downstairs and found him browsing some magazines in the dining room. "Would you like anything to drink?" I asked, and he said, "Do you have any coffee?" Well, of course I wasn't going to use the instant stuff I drink in the mornings. I wasn't even going to use the beans I had ground last week and put in the freezer – only the best for Danny. I ground a handful of kona beans in my vintage hand-cranked grinder from Sur La Table, and I was just about to put it in the filter when Danny said, "I'm sorry – come to think of it, Coach told us to cut out all caffeine, so I guess I shouldn't have that." He seemed kind of sad about it – I think it was really hard for him to smell those delicious beans and say no at the same time. I tried to comfort him and told him I understood, and then I went back upstairs to finish my makeup.
I still hadn't decided on what color palette to wear. My normal colors (Seashell/Foam/Brown Mist) just seemed too boring for a special occasion. But would the jewel tones be too garish? I finally decided on a spectrum of glitter shadows (Westerly Magic/54/Hot Nutmeg).
As I was doing that, I noticed a stray eyebrow smack in the middle of my nose bridge! Of course, that had to go, and I plucked it out. If I do say so myself, I looked pretty good when all was said and done.
What an idiot I am! When Danny said he couldn't drink anything with caffeine, I should have offered him something else! Stupid stupid stupid!!!! When I came back downstairs I asked him if he'd like anything to drink before we left. He thought a moment and said, "Do you have any OJ?" I didn't!!! But I didn't panic – I thought quickly and realized that I had bought a 5-pound bag of oranges at the supermarket a few days ago. I went into the kitchen and made us some fresh-squeezed orange juice from 10 oranges. Luckily, nothing got on my dress!
It was cool last night for this time of year (thank goodness it's warmed up again!) so I grabbed the white cardigan on the way out. I could see there was a thread loose, but I knew I didn't have any time to do anything fancy, so I just pulled on it a bit until the thread was hidden in the knitting. Finally, we were out the door and on the date!
I'm sure you are shocked at my appalling behavior yesterday. I am so ashamed! Needless to say, I have some soul-searching to do.