She stands in the ONE of the TWO,
Awaiting her lover, so true.
The fog holds him back;
He's soon lost the track.
She waits, growing ever more blue.
Rushing throughout, the drug ONEd my soul,
Spread all inside me, until I was whole.
Then I TWOd the label -
At first glance 'twas Babel,
Then I learned it was naught more than Skoal.
In the dark of the night the ONE struck,
But her evil would not bring her luck.
For the TWO that she bit
Was more spiritually fit.
He said "Om" and then she could not suck.
For a video game to be cool
It seems mayhem is often the rule.
But to ONE, maim and kill
Doesn't take any skill,
And it TWOs you to violence in school.
Lou and Leigh spoke of kids as they strolled
Down the TWO line with trees great and old.
Fam'ly dreams aren't exotic,
But their failures zygotic
(Deficient ONEs) would leave all their hopes cold.
Any bozo can shine for a minute of fame,
Or fifteen, if he quickly exploits his own name.
But to be a true ONE,
When it's over and done,
Means you don't fall with TWO from the top of your game.
My darling, from that TWO please back up!
Please see reason, doll, come down and sup.
I do ONE to you
I'll always be true.
Now get down here and fill up my cup.
Use lotion when out having fun,
Or you'll burn from too long in the sun.
You'll TWO in the heat,
From your head to your feet,
Be you surfer or sailor or ONE.
A lecherous man makes a play,
A TWO on his face -- hear him say:
"Hey, sweet honey bun,
Please pull on my ONE!
Hit the jackpot and you'll make my day!"
How does a guy find a pet?
He starts up a ONE on the net.
For "pussy" he asks
(As he multitasks),
And, lo, it's a TWO that he'll get!
Along the ONE hiked a man and a dame.
To the Gulf of Lion they finally came.
So many ships there
Burning coal in the air
That the odor of TWO made them lame.
Ecuador, Turkey, and Greece are the best
For shopping and buying without any rest.
In one TWO I bought
The ONE that I sought
To knit a fine sweater to wear on my chest.
Blast that Paul Simon, a ONE on for fun,
A down-homish look that most snazzy folks shun.
He would have been scary
(Instead of so merry)
If he'd carried a TWO knife or gun.
Laugh all you want, he's a beauty:
Chris Morse in a TWO, what a cutie!
He's not under ONE,
He's just having fun.
(His Dorothy was better than Judy.)
Nine kings wore the ONE on their brow.
Six queens, too -- the pope had a cow.
Each time that it's passed
There sounds a TWO blast
And all the court must kneel with a bow.
She stood on the ONE o'er the river.
Her heart and her soul were aquiver.
A TWO she would be
When church bells struck three.
The thought up her spine sent a shiver.
Children should brush every night
To avoid the most terrible plight.
A mouth full of ONE
Will hurt, ere it's done.
Your TWO won't be sounds of delight!
Even a gallant romance doesn't ONE
That he's just out for sexual fun.
A kiss is a TWO
To what else he might do,
So be careful when dating him, hon.
"Hey, if you're wary, examine my lap,"
Said the naked and randy young chap.
"What's the TWO, now, that I,
Just a regular guy,
Have a ONE that reveals I've the clap?"
Using oars, Catherine rowed down the Dneiper.
The villagers came out to greet her.
Their love was so true
The ONE got a tattoo:
A keel-shaped TWO, right by her peeper.
He says that he loves me, he thinks we can groove.
"No other broad makes me so feel the earth move."
I say, "That's no TWO --
It was all about you."
It's his ONE that I don't think will ever improve.
The man and his ONE simply want to be free,
Swinging and clambering, from tree to tree.
But what can they do?
They have to have TWO;
To get in the jungle they must pay a fee.
Franny can ONE like the best of the bunch.
She twirls and she purrs as the men eat their lunch.
But the music they play,
By the end of the day
Will TWO on your ears, like the too-sweet "fruit punch".
Bear River flows with a roar and a crash
From the TWO Mountains, making its way with a splash.
If you visit there,
I tell you, beware.
The La ONE in Midvale accepts only cash.
Hearing the Beach Boys is always a joy.
"Good Vibrations" I've worshipped since I was a boy.
And TWO is the source
Of my rev'rence, of course:
That band made the ONE sound like more than a toy.