The great general Axayacatl's tent lies just outside Tenochtitlan, near the temple of Miquiztli. You can hear him inside shouting orders at an underling.
"He's slurring his words," says Randall. "He must have had too much pulque."
Og perks up. "Let's take that!"
"But I thought we were here for the gold," whines Strutter.
Axayacatl's voice becomes much louder. He bellows, "Take down these instructions, and get them there on time. Make sure the couriers give you the key before you give them the message!" He begins to dictate.
Key: Short gridiron zebra
Missive: Tell the rebels to throw down their
arms and disperse. Beware, they might fight in the fashion of
Indians and hide behind boulders and trees. Be sure to have plenty
of musket balls, as your bayonets will probably be useless.
Key: Sunken Bikini island
Missive: Take a fleet of 200 to the inlet near
the Dutch-Belgian border and attack the moored French ships in the
morning. Kill their admirals, or at least capture them for ransom.
Your ships' longbowmen should prove particularly useful.
Key: Kieran or Nikhila
Missive: Head toward the river valley with your
tanks. Look out for the Aussies, the New Zealanders, and the Brits.
Their ground troops and planes will try to force you back. Stay out
of the open desert if you can.
Key: Very kinky girl is a super one
Missive: The enemy may be reckless enough to
cross the bridge over the River Forth. Wait until about 5,000 of
their men cross over and the bridge is sufficiently crowded before you
wipe out the bridgehead.
Key: Palmer's warning
Missive: Take 6,000 troops and meet the enemy at
their little mission. Beware their sharp-shooters, because some of
those guys act like they're real heroes. You'll probably have to
storm their defenses - just be sure to leave the women and children
alive.
Key: Dolly's mom
Missive: Take your new army southward. Using
your longer spears and javelins, you should be able to defeat all
their armies and complete your conquest. If the battle becomes
desperate, have your son lead a calvary charge to break that
even-numbered band of devoted warriors.
Key: Roger Water's comfortable sensation
Missive: Take my Enterprise, sail into the harbor, destroy all the
ships, and impeach their provisions. Try not to let them get into
the channel.
Key: Burning Pope or Fawkes
Missive: I imagine that impetuous short little
man will try to retreat to the North. Go ahead of his frozen,
miserable forces, and hold the bridge over the river. To be safe,
burn the other bridges. He may sneak by you and escape out of the
country, but he will probably abandon thousands of stragglers in the
process.
Key: To value for taxation
Missive: Revenge your father's death by
attacking your enemy from above. They will flee from Kyoto and hide
in the pass outside Ichi-no-Tani. Wait for them on the cliff above
the narrow gorge. Trust the footing of your horses, they can take
you down the sandy slope to defeat your enemy at the bottom.
Key: Alabama legend Bryant
Missive: If you really want to stir things up with those crazy
Brits, capture and cut off the ear of one of their prized sailors.
Don't kill him! Just let him take the ear back to their House of
Commons for show and tell.
Key: Read these leaves in the parlor
Missive: Don't retreat to the south side of the river. I know
that you're down to only twenty thousand troops, but we just took
Harper's Ferry, and we'll meet you by the creek with an additional
eleven thousand men. Wait there for the attack, which will probably
come in waves. Hold them off until reinforcements arrive, and you'll
be able to check the enemies's advance.