It seems that the boss asked the psychic what she thought of one of Human Resources' plans for increasing worker productivity, as this page has "PSYCHIC SAYS GREAT IDEA!" scrawled across the top of it. It reads as follows.
|In celebration of Acme Corp's 22nd consecutive year of increasing shareholder value and maximizing widget sales across the industry, we, the Motivating Department of Human Resource Management, have decided to announce a contest for a new company song, to replace our previous corporate song Honest Widgets, Made The Way Mother Used To With Just A Pinch Of Love in the Way that Only ACMECorp, a Delaware Corporation, Can.
Since music has been shown to be a powerful motivator (and since our other motivator, the stock option plan, is kind of defunct), we hope you will rise to the challenge of writing and performing an inspirational song to stir the troops.
Your song must rhyme, be at least two minutes in length and not over five, and must contain at least 10 of the following terms from our Annual Report:
Perhaps participating in this little contest will give you more information for your quest. But, just to add a little more psychic good will to the enterprise, consult the spirits again as you prepare your submission.
Ask your nearest psychic advisor what type of song you should prepare. If you cannot find a psychic advisor, one will be provided for you at http://8ball.federated.com/. No cheating! The psychic advisors will always know...
|If your psychic advisor says:||Prepare a song in the style of:|
|As I see it, yes.||Latin dance number|
|Ask again later.||Punk-rock anthem|
|Better not tell you now.||Cabaret|
|Cannot predict now.||Irish drinking song|
|Concentrate and ask again.||Gilbert & Sullivan|
|Don't count on it.||Broadway show tune|
|It is certain.||Jazz standard|
|It is decidedly so.||Sea chanty|
|My reply is no.||50s Doo-wop|
|My sources say no.||Blues|
|Outlook good.||College fight song|
|Outlook not so good.||Reggae/calypso|
|Reply hazy, try again.||Disco|
|Signs point to yes.||Bluegrass|
|Very doubtful.||60s protest song|
|Without a doubt.||Gospel|
|Yes - definitely.||Country/western ballad|
|Yes.||Boy band teen pop|
|You may rely on it.||TV theme song|
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