As an adolescent, I was rather oblivious to the things that junior high kids get into (except when I was picked on for it). I was thoughtful, and enjoyed lively debates with my friends about everything from evolution to the appropriate name for lip balm (I saw nothing wrong with Chapstick, even if it was technically a brand name). I considered myself Christian, and both my parents are Christian, although I never went to church after I was 8.
I was a late bloomer to say the least--- people thought I was ten when I was sixteen, because I looked young, and was quite short. I was also considered smart, so I had the whole ``Doogie Howser'' thing going against me. Even after my growth spurt, it took a while to shake that picture and start to come into my own socially.
So I was a bit lonely in high school, and had a hard time getting a date. I sought out the best means of meeting the type of girl I liked--- I started doing community service through Key Club (don't get me wrong, girls weren't the only motive--- I did plenty of community service in Boy Scouts although there were no girls to be seen anywhere), and decided I should try one of the Friday church groups that all the girls seemed to go to (don't forget, I considered myself Christian, and I sincerely wanted to meet with other Christians and study the Bible).
Through Key Club I met a girl who I ended up with a crush on. She also went to a Friday church group, and was very devout. So devout, in fact, that she refused to date or even go to dances, so that was a dead end romantically. Yet I admired her for her faith in God, and couldn't help liking her. Eventually, she found out I was reading the Bible on my own, and sheepishly invited me to one of their Friday meetings, which I gladly agreed to go to.
The meeting was bizarre at first--- they sang the songs and then repeated the verses aloud, calling out the verses and responding with a loud Amen. They also ``called on the Lord,'' repeating ``Oh Lord Jesus'' in a manner that reminded me of our yells from Boy Scouts or of cheers before a soccer match. It was different, but it was clearly nothing like chanting or other forms of hypnosis, so I sat through it. The Bible study was more interested--- they spoke about Noah's ark and the Ark of the Covenant and assigned spiritual meanings to its various aspects. I liked the symbolism--- it reminded me of the way my high school English teacher ascribed meaning to every detail of Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter.
At the same time, I was still a bit lonely. All right, I wanted a girl friend badly. I was happy to see that he girls were starting to notice that I was growing up, and one or two even found me cute. Yet I was attending the Friday young people's meeting at ``the church'' more often, and I was absorbing some of their doctrines.
They taught that the world was a product of man's fall, through which Satan was able to take control of the earth and human society and turn it into a system intend to oppose God's plan with man. As believers, we needed to give ourselves wholly to God and reject the world, so that He would fill us with His life. As young people, we were particularly vulnerable, because we were surround by so many fleshly lusts--- rock music, parties, dances, romance. We needed to flee these things, and pursue the things of God (2 Tim. 2:22).
I became weighed down with a terrible guilt over listening to music and attending rock concerts, to the point where I was sometimes in tears (and I do not cry easily). When prom came around, even though it was obvious that a couple girls were hinting in my direction that they wanted a date--- and I would have happily gone out with them a month before--- I was caught in a terrible struggle trying to avoid succumbing to the lusts of the flesh.
On the other hand, ``the church'' preached that the Spirit of Jesus Christ was a real and effective force in the Christian life. As believers, we shared all the befits of the death and resurrection of Christ. When I first read the Bible, I was confronted with impossible demands--- here they told me it was not I who was to fulfill the law, but Christ who lived in me (Gal. 2:20). I was eager to pursue the Lord, to seek out His infinite riches (Eph. 3:16-19).
While at the church a year later, I would testify that it was only the Lord that could have brought me through that time, and out of ``the world'' into the ``church life''. I see it differently now. I was constantly sabotaging my life: resisting the impulse to listen to music because I would soon get used to life without it; holding out until prom and refusing to ask a girl to the dance because the temptation would soon pass; trying to give away my tickets to rock concerts; forgetting my promise to teach a girl I had liked to ice skate, despite her reminders. I wanted ``the Lord'' to fill my heart, yet it always ached when I thought about those missed chances and things left behind, even in the best of times.
But the children of Israel died in the wilderness because they lusted after the things of Egypt, while God had much better things planned for them in the land of Caanan. So when I moved to Berkeley from southern California, I sought out ``the church life'' right away.