Title: Repo Men (Movie)
Director: Miguel Sapochnik
Year: In theaters 3/19/2010
Publisher: Universal Pictures
Reviewer: Kendra Beckler

I'm not entirely certain I can do this movie justice without inventing
an extra twenty words for 'blood' and a half dozen for 'gore,' but
I'll try.  I really will try.

"Repo Men" is supposedly based on a book, but it probably isn't too
interesting to read because I bet half of the pages are completely
stained with fresh blood and the other half are written in that
horror-movie-poster dripping scarlet ink.

The plot centers around this guy (I don't remember his name, the movie
was mostly blood spurting and not so much characters talking) who
works for a major international artificial organ transplant company as
a "Repo Man," a highly trained and specialized thug reclaiming the
transplanted organs of people who are late on their (exorbitant)
payments.  He and his Repo Man partner have access to all sorts of
cool technological weapons and seemingly endless doses of tranquilizer
darts in specialized guns, but despite all this spend most of their
time stabbing people with not technologically advanced knives.  A lot.
With the blood spraying everywhere.

When the guy gets in an accident and becomes a client as well, he
metaphorically gets a heart as well as actually getting a new heart.
(I see what you did there, oh anvilicious metaphor.)  He loses the
drive to coldly kill helpless children who have fallen behind on their
payments (they owe $600,000+ with 18% interest per month, of course
they fall behind) and discovers that each organ reclamation isn't
"just a job."  We would even give an obligatory "aww" if he could come
to this realization without dissecting, stabbing, shooting, cutting
open, throwing old-fashioned typewriters on the head of, or drilling
into the brain of someone, anyone, in the story.

Seriously, he can't even accept his own new heart without tearing it
out of himself (with lots of blood, of course) onscreen.  Also, what
company has every executive carrying at least two knives on their
person, in easy reach, at all times, in a secure facility?  Why not
guns, at least?  And seriously, did they really have to use the
hacksaw in the big group knife fight?  We all knew that they would get
bloody ends, but that was overdoing it a lot.

There are a few truly great moments in the movie, ranging from the
hilarious to kickass, or both in the case of the awesome nine-year-old
surgeon (I nominate her actress for all awards possible after seeing
her two minutes onscreen).  In addition, the plot was decently
interesting (and might have managed even moderately heartwarming if it
hadn't been for the unstaunched blood and blood-splattered objects and
bloodstained set constantly everywhere throughout).

In closing, I'll say this for "Repo Men"---if you are a fan of
gratuitous blood, gore, and violence in the movies, this is the can't-
miss movie of the decade.  If you aren't, well... the same exact movie
(not even cutting any scenes) could have been made with 1% of the
onscreen blood.  That's all I can possibly say.