Date:         Thu, 19 Feb 1998 20:28:06 +0800
From: Raymond McDowell <bbgpted@ASIAONLINE.NET>
Subject:      INT: The Wongs Reunited--almost

(The story so far:  Ms. B.B. Loi of the HKSAR fish and game department has
been dispatched by her government to quell the conspiracy that has caused
the wholesale slaughter of HK chickens, the fall of the Hong Kong Hang Seng
Index and the El Nino weather pattern. To accompany her on her mission, she
has chosen her mother, her husband and his cyber-familiar. They have now
transported to Hillbilly Haven, minus the mother-in-law.)

"Where is Momma Wong?" asked B.B. Loi.

"You don't know?" answered her husband of several weeks. "She should have
arrived hours ago."

"I haven't seen her. But then, I've been a little preoccupied. When I first
materialised, I found myself in the middle of crowd of huge men in overalls.
They seemed to be studying a pile of cow droppings. From their conversation,
I think they were trying to identify whose cow it originated from.  They
changed their focus, though, when they noticed me. At first they all seemed
friendly enough, but then they got in an argument about whose family I
should have dinner with. The next thing I knew, They started fighting one
another. Then someone had the idea of a toe-stomping contest. I watched in
horror as they took turns stomping their ham-sized heels on each others
toes. When I couldn't take anymore I hid over behind the horse trough. By
then they had completely forgotten about me.  It all came to an end when
someone brought out a bottle--corn-liqueur, I think they called it--and
started drinking it to deaden the pain.  Finally, just as the sun set, they
begin singing love songs to hound dogs and hobbled away. No one seemed to
remember I was ever there. I knew you would eventually show up, so I decided
to stay where I was and wait for you."

"Oh baby-kins, that's horrible. You must have been terrified."

"No, bored. All I could think of was what I was going to do to you when you
finally showed up. You know I can't stand waiting around and doing nothing."

Rqy tried to change the subject.  "Um--well, what do you think we should do
about Momma Wong?"

"Momma has gone through three revolutions and eight children. I think she
can take care of herself in a small town."

"Oh. That makes me feel a lot better. But what should we do now?"

"First of all, have Xiao give me a black arm band. Then hand me a piece of
paper, a pen, a hickory stick and the Dalai Lama synchronized
porta-transporter."

Xiao gave B.B. Loi an armband, a pen and notepad from the left pocket of his
trench coat and, with considerable more reluctance, the transporter.  Rqy
started scuffling around in the dark for the hickory stick.
Off in the shadows, a man and his pig grew restless.

(to be continued)

(For anyone wishing to capture the full impact of this meandering saga, Tink
has graciously allotted it some space on the WRITERS section of his Web
presentation.  Just tune your Web browser to the following URL:
http://web.mit.edu/mbarker/www/road/road.html)


Cast:
Ms. B.B. Loi: Former Hong Kong pop star, now a secret agent for the HKSAR.
Also wife of Rqy.
Momma Wong: B.B. Loi's mother.
Rqy:  Now disguised as a buddhist monk, he is a ne'er do well and a
vagabond. In short, a writer. Husband of B.B. Loi.
Xiao Da Shing Shing:  Cyber-monkey turned hominid.
Johnny Magrill:  The Man in the Shadows