Date:         Fri, 9 Jan 1998 09:23:35 EST
From: "hickory, dickory, dock.." <mbarker@MIT.EDU>
Subject:      [WRITERS] TECH: I could while away the hours (scanning!)

Okay, sounds like it must be time for thumpity-thump again...
otherwise known as scanning.  (has nothing to do with exploding heads,
police on the prowl, or any of that...:)

Let's start with this:

I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers,
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain

step one (for me) is to try to thump my way through, marking the flats
"_" and the stresses "/".  musical bits like this tend to be confusing
because they combine musical and spoken stresses, but this is what I
came up with:

I could while away the hours
_  _    /     _  _ _   / _
Conferrin' with the flowers,
_  /  _    _    _   /  _
Consultin' with the rain   (note: there's a missing foot or something here)
_  /  _    _    _   /  _
And my head I'd be scratchin'
_   _  /    _   _  /    _
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
_     _  /        _    _ _  /   _
If I only had a brain
_  _ / _  _   _ /

try doing it again with just da and dum:

da da dum da da da dum da
da dum da da da dum da
da dum da da da dum da
da da dum da da dum da
da da dum da da da dum da  (snuck in an extra da in there, did they?)
da da dum da da da dum

Now, let's look at this:

I would while away the hours
Exploring the limits of my power
Testing her will to be brave
And my new bottom I'd be whippin'
While my hands were a strippin'
If I only had a slave

I would while away the hours
_ _     /     _  _ _   / _
Exploring the limits of my power
_  /  _    _  / _    _  _  /  _

hum...that's supposed to be
_  /  _    _    _   /  _
Explorin' all my power
Atestin' how far to go

Explorin' works, but especially at the beginning, you need to keep the
rhythm.

Testing her will to be brave
_  /    _    _   _  /  _

this is probably okay__it's almost a flat sentence, no stress, but the
original does the same here.  If you wanted to, you could use something
with stronger stresses

_  /    _    _   _  /  _
a TEST of wills inDEcent
a test of wills indecent

And my new bottom I'd be whippin'
_   _  _   /  _   _   _  /    _

off a bit.  should be
_   _  /    _   _  /    _
so there are some extras...try this:
And my bottom takes a whippin'
_   _  /  _   _     _ /   _

darn it.  I had "and my bottom takes whipping" but it doesn't read well
that way, and putting in that extra a doesn't seem to ruin it...

(you do realize that you are setting up a comparison between bottom and
head?  just thought I would mention the satiric echo here...it may not
be quite what you intended?)

While my hands were a strippin'
_     _  /     _    _ /    _

That works pretty well.  I think the original forced an extra da in
there, which you can skip.

(incidentally, this compares thoughts and hands...somewhat humorous in
this position)

You could do the simple
While my hands are busy strippin'
_     _  /     _   _ _  /   _

If I only had a slave
_  _ / _  _   _ /

and this is just right.

Assuming just for a moment that I got the rhythm correct, let's see what
it sounds like (ignore meaning and the other parts, we're just getting
the scanning part straight for now):

I would while away the hours
Explorin' all my powers
A test of wills indecent
As my bottom takes a whippin'
While my hands are busy strippin'
If I only had a slave

(did some minor rhyming and smoothing there...seemed obvious when I put
the lines together)

Not quite there, but I think it may show the rhythmic work that I would
suggest doing.

tink