Date: Fri, 18 Apr 1997 14:12:48 EDT From: "oh say can you see, those misty tinks..." Subject: EXERCISE: Values (Loyalty and Dependability) #7 [Based on the book "Teaching Your Children Values" by Linda and Richard Eyre, ISBN 0-671-76966-9] (p. 145) "Loyalty to family, to employers, to country, church, schools, and other organizations and institutions to which commitments are made. Support, service, contribution. Reliability and consistency in doing what you say you will do." "General Guidelines" (p. 146 forward) include 1. Highlight your own dependability--make sure people know that you will always be there for them, that they can depend on you, that you'll be behind them in hard times. 2. Thank people and praise them for every evidence of their own dependability. Reinforce it, show them that being on time, supporting someone else, finishing an assignment or task is important and valued. Work hard at never taking for granted any act or evidence of dependability or loyalty. Some observations/games... Traditions, mottoes, slogans are often sources of security, of belonging which provides continuity and support. Ask instead of telling--dependability is shown in meeting our own commitments. Make a list of synonyms or phrases suggested by dependability. Make a list of antonyms for dependability. Then think about how these characteristics help people or hurt them. Do the same for loyalty. Discuss who or what a person can be loyal to. Also consider who should be able to depend on that person. Consider situations that might strain those relations, and plan ahead as to what you believe the best response would be. Loyalty to friends often is thought to mean "not telling on them", "keeping quiet," or lying to protect them. Does it? Make rewards depend on dependability--if you do the work without being asked or reminded, you get more. Think about the cautions that are required. Don't make commitments that can't be kept, or too many commitments to handle. Choose the right commitments, then carry them out whole-heartedly. Also, be cautious and careful about giving loyalty. Don't pledge loyalty to too many things, and save your highest loyalty for your deepest loves. Don't confuse loyalty with "not ratting." Breaking commitments usually affects others. Take scenarios where someone breaks a commitment, then consider the ripples that flow from that. This is almost a standing theme for some genres. The conflict between loyalty (to good friends, to promises already made, to commitments and peppermints...to all kinds of things) and the momentary desire, the looks on the new man (or woman!) on the block, the flirtation of the moment. But, right now, we're thinking about you writing about loyalty and dependability. So, let's pick a number from one to six: 1. When young we are faithful to individuals, when older we grow more loyal to situations and to types. Cyril Connoly, The Unquiet Grave (1945), 2. 2. We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified. Aesop, "The Old Man and Death," Fables (6th C. B.C.?) tr. Joseph Jacobs 3. Men have a thousand desires to a bushel of choices. Henry Ward Beecher, Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit (1887) 4. Often, the thing we pursue most passionately is but a substitute for the one thing we really want and cannot have. Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind, (1954), 3 5. People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out on the pleasure. RussellBaker, Observer, The New York Times, Nov. 2, 1967 6. Only he can understand what a farm is, what a country is, who shall have sacrificed part of himself to his farm or countr. Saint-Exupery, Flight to Arras (1942), 23, tr. Lewis Galantiere. [Quotes taken from The International Thesaurus of Quotations, by Rhoda Thomas Tripp, ISBN 0-06-091382-7] And our story is about...one to six, if you please? 1. Loyalty to family 2. Loyalty to employers 3. Loyalty to country 4. Loyalty to church 5. Loyalty to schools 6. Loyalty to other organizations and institutions to which commitments are made. You may prefer to deal with dependability, support, service, contributions, reliability, consistency...even commitment. You have a quote and a little suggestion about loyalty. Stop for a few moments and think about the character--who is our hero(ine)? Why do they feel this loyalty? Is it well-founded or a mistake? And what color teeth does your hero(ine) have (what? wrong question? okay, tell me about their hair, eyes, fingernail polish, studs, navel rings, the odd tattoo on their eyelids from that unforgettable night with the Seventh Fleet...) However, we need some conflict. Let's consider what might draw the hero(ine) off the straight and narrow path into the brambles and other fun of the rough (aside from a mean slice, a wicked hook, or just a bad bounce...). One to six? 1. The gang (misled friends, socialites unanimous, whatever social group you like) 2. Desire to protect someone 3. Fear of authority 4. Greed (the desire for mammon! Pile that loot higher and higher!) 5. To keep a job 6. For easy gratification of a physical desire (sex, of course, is common) So here's the plot, in broad outline... Scene one--our hero(ine) is stuck between their loyalty and the group, desire, or fear. Which way will they go? (It may be a good idea to personify the antagonist or tormentors that will remind our hero(ine) regularly how easy it would be to just give in) Scene two through n--raise the stakes, pull the tension a bit tighter, paint the dilemma strongly for us. Make us sweat as we realize that this time, loyalty will really cost! The finale--the confrontation, in time between the pledge of loyalty and that old demon desire. Our hero(ine) sees the dilemma, sees with unwavering eyes the choice that must be made, and... makes it. [I realize there are a few details left to fill in, like setting, characters, action, and so forth. As the professors like to say, "these are left as an exercise for the reader." that's you, chums, so...get to work! contemplate that quote, refine that loyalty, and make that other side strong and reasonable.] for those who like a jump-start: "Perhaps there is no happiness in life so perfect as the martyr's", he said, and fired the gun. This sentence can be used or laid aside and ignored, as you please. [quote from "The Trimmed Lamp" [1907] The Country of Elusion, O. Henry, in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations 16th edition] tink