Date:         Fri, 21 Mar 1997 22:48:00 -0500
From: "ze tink! ze tink, boss!" <mbarker@MIT.EDU>
Subject:      EXERCISE: Values (Fidelity and Chastity) #6

[Based on the book "Teaching Your Children Values" by Linda and Richard
Eyre, ISBN 0-671-76966-9]

Fidelity and Chastity

(p. 124) "The value and security of fidelity within marriage and of
restraint and limits before marriage.  The commitments that go with
marriage and that should go with sex.  A grasp of the long-range (and
widespread) consequences that can result from sexual amorality and
infidelity."

"...the underlying philosophy involved in teaching the value of fidelity
and chastity is that sex is too beautiful and too good to be given or
used or thought of loosely or without commitment.  The opposite view of
sex as a dirty or evil thing should be avoided and countered at every
opportunity."

General Guidelines include:
1.  Make your own example of fidelity as obvious and noticeable as
possible.
2.  Make sex and sexual maturity an open topic.

"Things you observe on television, movies, and music--or in articles or
books--or in styles of dress--all present potential opportunities to
make comments about what you think is appropriate or not appropriate,
what things are moral in the sense that they _help_ and what things are
immoral (or amoral) in the sense that they may _hurt_ someone
physically, mentally, or emotionally."

"Strive to convey the following two impressions whenever possible: (a)
sex, the feelings and changes of puberty, and the attractions and
feelings they cause us to feel are _natural_ and _good_, even
_wonderful_ and _miraculous_; and (b) because sex is natural and good,
and because its urges are powerful and have to do with the creation of
life, its use should be connected to love and commitment--it is too
beautiful to be made common or to squander."

Some notes:

1. Teach them about body parts and functions, using the correct terms
At about eight, "establish a foundation for a clear and positive
understanding of sex and a commitment to fidelity and chastity by your
children."

2.  Consider "what a baby needs to grow" - sperm, egg, food, teachers,
shelter, clothes, parents, warm house where they feel happy, good
examples of grown-ups, etc.

3.The big six reasons for sex:
    a. Experimentation-to try out sex
    b. Self-gratification-pleasure for self
    c. Ego-to prove that one can
    d. Acceptance-to be like everyone else or to keep the other person
from rejecting them
    e. love-to give the other pleasure
    f. love and commitment-to show love, commitment, trust, and
tenderness

4.  Studies show most boys who become involved with teenage sex do so
for ego reasons (to prove their manhood, to exploit someone, to show
they can do it, to brag to peers) whereas most girls do so for emotional
reasons (desire to be accepted or not rejected, for warmth, security,
etc.)  Are these good reasons?  What does the mismatch mean?

5.  The most common logic used to persuade someone to go beyond what
they feel comfortable with is either (a) If you love me, you'll have sex
with me; or, (b) all my other friends have partners who will--why won't
you?  Do these make sense?  (a) love means respect, not manipulation (b)
everyone doesn't, and as we all know, even if everyone jumps off the
Brooklyn bridge, you can choose to do your high dive off the Golden
Gate.

Okay...let's see if we can't think of a story or two, involving some of
this stuff...

How about a quote to start the play?  Pick a number from one to six,
please?

1.  "There are two sorts of constancy in love; the one comes from the
constant discovery in our beloved of new grounds for love, and the other
comes from making it a point of honor to be constant." La Rochefoucauld,
Maxims (1665), tr. Kenneth Pratt
2.  "The essence of chastity is not the suppression of lust, but the
total orientation of one's life towards a goal." Deitrich Bonhoeffer,
"Miscellaneous Thoughts," Letters and Papers from Prision (1953), tr.
Eberhard Bethge.
3.  "Chastity is a wealth that comes from the abundance of love."
Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds (1916), 73.
4.  "A man of honor should never forget what he is because he sees what
others are." Baltasar Gracian, The Art of Worldly Wisdom (1647), 280,
tr. Joseph Jacobs
5.  "You cannot drive straight on a twisting lane." Russian Proverb
6.  "Virtue is more clearly shown in the performance of fine actions
than in the nonperformance of base ones." Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics,
(4th C. B.C.) 4.1, tr. J.A.K.Thomson

Let's see.  I suspect the best characters for this are a pair, recently
met, and still trying to decide what to do with their hands when they're
together...so sketch out your pair.  Sex(es), ages, etc. are up to you
(let me tell you, the dance of attraction can be a fine and wonderfully
beautiful thing at any age, so don't count the oldsters out...)

Let's take a blank sheet of screen (okay, paper if you prefer) and
consider.  Who are the pair?  What situation are they in (first meeting,
first date, first drive-in movie, trapped in the woods, home alone,
or...?)  Probably sketch out where you want to start, and where you want
to end up.  In between, list a few possible side-tracks, passes and
responses, and so forth.  What does she do when that old arm slyly slips
across the back of the couch and the hand dangles carelessly close?
What does he do when she spills ice water in his lap?  and so on...

Feel free to have little brothers, parents, local snoops, pets, or other
characters walk in, interrupt, or otherwise throw wrenches into the love
machine...

Sorry.  You can make this comic, serious, or almost anything in between.
But make it a real exploration of character, with both of them a little
surprised to realize how serious it is for them, and I can almost
guarantee that there will be interest in it.

One to six?  Pick up...

    1.  A tupperware bowl
    2.  A hockey stick
    3.  An antique radio with a volume control that sticks
    4.  A flint arrowhead
    5.  A needlework pillow
    6.  A gold watch

There's an object that might turn up somewhere in your little tale.  Go
ahead and let it settle into place.

The basic plot is simple.  Introduce our pair, show us what each one
thinks they want to have happen (those elusive dreams), and then show us
the two learning what they really want to do.

Ah, that's romantic;-)

tink