PHONETIC DOUBLE CROSS (*4, *6, 8, 4) (KILL = *4)
  (KILL, HIND = not MW)
  (with apologies to Messrs. KILL and HIND)

As I stepped off the subway, cool wind in my hair,
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air.
Up on HILL in the distance, I saw a shimmering light.
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim; I had to stop for the night.

There she stood at the tour's start; I heard the tower bell,
And I was thinking to myself, "This could be heaven or this could be hell."
Then she took me to campus, and she showed me the way.
There were voices from the corridors; I thought I heard them say:

Welcome to the U. of California,
Such a lovely school, never hot nor cool,
Ready a job at the U. of California,
Any time of year, you can find it here.

Her charms just can't be resisted, not to mention her mind.
She greets a lot of pretty, pretty boys, acts real KIND. 
How they read in the courtyard, sweet sunny sweat.
Some read to remember, some read to forget.

So I called up the chairman: "Please, let me stay more."
He said, "We haven't tenured someone here since 1964."
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say: 

Welcome to the U. of California,
Such a lovely school, for a lovely fool,
Teaching a lot at the U. of California,
What a rude surprise: students' alibis.

Test books all around me, big research on ice,
And she said, "We are all just prisoners here of our own device."
In the chairman's office, committees gather to meet.
They deadlock over who gets hired, then they give up in defeat.

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door.
I had to find a passage back to the place I was before.
"Relax," said the chairman, "We are programmed to admit.
You can burn out any time you like, but you can never quit..."
=KRAY, Berkeley CA