The Ball of Kerriemuir (Ballynore) (Balinour)

Four and twenty virgins
Came down from Inverness
And when the ball was over
There were four and twenty less.

Chorus:
Balls to your partner,
Arse against the wall.
If you cannot get buggered
on a Saturday night,
you cannot get buggered at all

The Queen was in the parlor,
Eating bread and honey.
The King was in the chambermaid
And she was in the money.

Chorus...

There was doin' in the kitchen,
And doin' it on the stones.
Ya couldna' hear the music
For the wheezin' and the groans.

Chorus...

The mayor's daughter she was there
She had the crowd in fits
A-jumping off the mantle piece
And bouncing off her tits.

Chorus

The village butcher, he was there,
A cleaver in his hand.
And every time he turned around,
He circumcised the band.

Chorus...

The deacon's wife, she was there
Saying, arse against the wall.
"Put your money on the table, boys,
'Cause I'm going to do you all."

Chorus...

The letter carrier, he was there.
The poor man had the pox.
He couldn't do the ladies,
So he did the letter box.

Chorus...

The village cripple he was there,
Can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.

Chorus...

The bride was in the parlor
explainin' to the groom.
The vagina, not the rectum,
is the entrance to the womb.

Chorus...

The village idiot, he was there
He did a silly trick
He pulled his foreskin over his head
And vanished up his prick

Chorus...

When the ball was over
Everyone confessed,
"The dancin' was exquisite,
But the doin' was the best!"

Chorus...