Violin Jokes

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?: There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?: A fiddle is fun to listen to.
Why are viola jokes so short?: So violinists can understand them.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?: None. They can't get up that high!
String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."
Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?: Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)?: Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?: No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?: Violins don't have spit valves.
Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?: You might bend the nail.

A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin."

His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire."

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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Last modified: 1997/01/03 14:22:27 by jcb@mit.edu