The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh great Oracle whose keyboard never has crumbs, > Will the USA ever go metric? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to determine the United States } measurement challenge once and for all. }} In the blue corner we have our current US champion for many years, } weighing in at 220.4623 pounds, our hero: Igor Imperial. } } In the red corner we have, weighing in at 100kg all the way from } France, and currently storming the world wherever he goes, our } challenger: Mean Mr Metric. } } It will be a great fight today and one that may change the course of } history. Can Mean Mr Metric defeat Igor Imperial and change US life } forever, or will Igor outwit the classy opponent and maintain his place } in history. } } We are about to find out. } } Gentlemen, I want a clean fight. Shake hands and come out fighting on } the bell. } } Round 1: "DONG" } } They both approach each other and meet in the middle of the ring. } Metric has trained well and opens with the first punch: } } How many feet in a mile? } } Imperial answers after a moments hesitation with: } } 5280 } } "Good exchange there Bob, hasn't worried either of them." } } "No Bill, it's still neck and neck, although Imperial took a fraction } of a second to divert that question." } } Imperial decides to attack with a similar strategy: } } How many metres in a kilometre? } } Instantly, Metric flashes back with: } } 1000 } } "Wasn't that a great counter by Metric eh Bob - so quick. He's looking } good tonight" } } "Sure is Bill" } } Imperial goes on the attack again with a curly one: } } How much does a litre of water weigh? } } Metric comes back quickly with: } } 1 kilogram } } "Great offense from Imperial there Bob. Combining both measurement of } mass and volume - well thought out." } } "Sure thing Bill, but I think he may have left himself a bit vulnerable } here. If I can guess, Metric should follow up with..." } } How much does a pint of water weigh? } } Imperial reels back with such a tough one. He hesitates. } } "Thought he'd do that Bill, he's looking shaky. I wonder how he's } trained for this?" } } Suddenly, Imperial's eyes light up and he comes back with: } } 1.0431758 pounds } } "Well Bob, our champ got out of that one but it was a bit messy eh?" } } "It was Bill. I think he was lucky there. Metric should come back with } a tough one here if he's got it in him." } } As Metric prepares for an offense, the champ Imperial slips in a sneaky } one: } } If 1mm of rain falls on 1 square metre of roof, how much water } is collected? } } "What a shot Bob! That'll hurt him." } } Metric defends without a flinch: } } 1 litre } } "No Bill, Metric has trained too well and has got too much ability. } That reply was instananeous. You know, I think he should follow the } same strategy as before and follow up with..." } } If 1 point of rain falls on 1 square foot of roof, how much water is } collected? } } "Imperial is down!" } } 1 2 3 4 5 6 7... } } 7.97922 fl oz } } "What an answer! Our boy's still got guts!" } } "DONG" } } End of Round 1. } } "Bill, that bell came just at the right time. This fight shouldn't last } the next round." } } "You're right Bob, but that guy from France is just too good. } } Round 2: "DONG" } } Imperial comes out and slips in a gentle offense: } } How many grams in a kilogram? } } Metric defends: } } 1000 } } "Playground stuff there Bob." } } "Yeah Bill" } } Metric goes for the kill: } } How many grains in an ounce? } } "Uh oh. I think this is it Bob." } } Imperial stutters: } } uuuhhhhmmmmmmm. Which system? } } "Oh Bill, he's answered with a question. That's not following the } spirit of the game!" } } Metric replies: } } All three. } } "Curtains Bill. I'm sure." } } Imperial responds: } } Well in Avoirdupois its 437.5, in Apothecary its 480 and the other } one is... What other one? } } Metric jabs: } } You tell me. } } Imperial falls to the floor. } } 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 } } "Knocked out Bob!" } } "Yeah Bill. I guess we have to get used to the idea of a new system } here in the US of A. This guy is a mean lean measuring machine." } } "Just let me interrupt you Bob, our man Leroy is down in the ring } talking with Mean Mr Metric." } } "Mean Mr Metric that was an incredible last blow there. Tell me what is } that other system" } } Tell you the truth, Leroy, I don't know nor care. I just know there } are three and they are all stupid. } } "Interesting response there from Mean Mr Metric, Back to you Bill" } } "We've just got word that the judges are going to make an } announcement..." } } After final discussion, the judges have decided to declare the fight } null and void due to the fact that the win by Mean Mr Metric would mean } that some politicians might lose the next election. } } You owe the Oracle a life in the dark ages. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh oracle, all knowing, I ask of you this question that has been > in this for some time and find myself at a loss. I heard that light is > made of microscopic particles that have nearly no weight. But, today, > one of my professors told me that as an object approaches the speed of > light, it gets heavier. Well, light GOES the speed of light, so isn't > it heavy rather that light? If so, why don't we call light "heavy"? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } That's a heavy question. } } Although it might be right to call light "light", it might be right not } to call light "light". Your Professor Wright was right, light's made } of mighty light mites, right? Right. Now light mites are light, and } fight like mighty light mites. If one takes fright and takes flight, } the fighting mite might follow right behind the mite with fright. If } the fighting mite gets right up with the flighty mite, it might take a } bite from the flighty mite's right leg, lightening the flighty mite. } Now as the fighting mite and the flighty mite get right up to the speed } of light, if the fighting mite likes biting the flighty might the } flighty mite gets lighter, so it can be flightier. So when the flighty } might is right at the speed of light it's actually quite light, right? } Right. } } If light were called "heavy" I wouldn't have been able to write that } paragraph. } } You owe the Oracle every light bulb joke ever. Right? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 28 Feb 92 10:57:14 -0500 From: Usenet Oracle Subject: Usenet Oracularity #416-01 Selected-By: Joshua.R.Poulson@cyber.Widener.EDU The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh most wonderful Oracle, whose very being is beyond mortal > comprehension, who knows the last digit of pi, who...hmm. What _is_ > the last digit of Pi, anyway? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Just a moment... } } % compute_pi } Computing...Sun Feb 22 16:06:36 PST 1992 } Computing...Sun Feb 22 17:06:36 PST 1992 } Need additional processing power. } Use security holes to use other internet hosts? [n] y } Working... 452 hosts found so far } Working... 987 hosts found so far } Working... 5837 hosts found so far } Working... 92385 hosts found so far } Working...457839 hosts found so far } 999999 hosts found (maximum) computaion begins. } Computing...Sun Feb 22 18:06:36 PST 1992 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 1992 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 1995 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 1998 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 2003 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 2009 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 2832 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 4985 } Computing...Sun Feb 23 18:06:36 PST 9364 } Computation complete, output is pi.txt } % cat pi.txt } Warning system shutdown in 10 second } ..end of the world... } }}}NO CARRIER } } Well I guess some things just arn't meant to be discovered.