From jcb@cygnus.com Wed May 22 14:08:40 1996 Date: Wed, 22 May 1996 13:20:00 -0400 From: Jeff Bigler To: sipb-soc@MIT.EDU Subject: Bloodthirsty License Agreement (fwd) Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" X-Organization: Cygnus Support Precedence: first-class X-Zippy: Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago? Reply-To: jcb@cygnus.com I saw this at work and got a good laugh about it. Jeff ------- Start of forwarded message ------- Date: Wed, 08 May 1996 18:08:19 -0700 Subject: Bloodthirsty License Agreement >Date: Wed, 8 May 1996 15:51:44 -0700 >From: tolkin@openhorizon.com (Terry Olkin) >To: brocknet@cygnus.com >Subject: Bloodthirsty License Agreement >X-Sun-Charset: US-ASCII > > >----- Begin Included Message ----- > >The following is an ACTUAL copy of the first two pages inside a manual >for a product called EASYFLOW. > > Bloodthirsty License Agreement > >This is where the bloodthirsty license agreement is supposed to go, >explaining that EasyFlow is a copyrighted package, sternly warning you >not to pirate copies of it and explaining, in detail, the gory >consequences if you do. > >We know that you are an honest person, and are not going to go around >pirating copies of EasyFlow; this is just as well with us since we >worked hard to perfect it and selling copies of it is our only method >of making anything out of all the hard work. For your convenience >EasyFlow Is distributed on a non copy-protected diskette and you are >free to do what you want with it (make backups, move from machine to >machine, etc.) provided that it is never in use by more than one >person at a time. > >If, on the other hand, you are one of those few people who do go >around pirating copies of software, you probably aren't going to pay >much attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not. Just keep >your doors locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark. > > Honest Disclaimer > >We don't claim EasyFlow is good for anything - if you think it is, >great, but it's up to you to decide. If EasyFlow doesn't work: tough. >if you lose a million because EasyFlow messes up, It's you that's out >the million, not us. If you don't like this disclaimer, tough. We >reserve the right to do the absolute minimum provided by law, up to >and including nothing. > >This is basically the same disclaimer that comes with all software >package but ours is in plain English and theirs is in legalese. > >We didn't really want to include any disclaimer at all, but our >lawyers insisted. We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with >the attack shark (see license agreement above) at which point we >relented. > > DON'T LOSE THE MANUAL > >That's right; don't lose this manual. Especially don't lose it before >you have read this page. Why are we telling you this? Isn't it obvious >that you shouldn't lose the manual? > >That's what we thought. Then we started getting all these calls from >people saying "Hi! I'm Joe Blow and you've never heard of me, but I >bought a copy of EasyFlow from FlyByNite Software and now I can't find >the manual... will you send me a new one free?". > >At first we were nice guys and went along with this. Then we started >getting a bit more hard nosed about it; after all it is trivial to >copy the disk but the manual involves somewhat more work. Now we had >to agonize over each request and try to distinguish between the >genuine unfortunate ("the dog chewed it up") and the merely >unscrupulous looking for free software. > >So what does everybody else do? We phoned the local Chevy dealer and >told them we had misplaced the engine out of our new Camaro; that call >didn't get us much useful information. Well ... cars aren't software. >We called Borland and gave them a song and dance about losing our >Turbo Pascal manual; they said to mail a letter to their "Lost Manual >Review Committee". Wow! What a good idea. So we immediately rushed >out and set up our Lost Manual Review Committee. The Committee meets >once a month. They don't send out many replacement manuals, but they >seem to do a lot of howling, rolling around on the floor and saying >things like, "Oh wow - listen to this one". > > Don't lose the manual. > >Replacement manuals are available without going through the Committee >for US$147.95 each. > > >----- End Included Message ----- ------- End of forwarded message -------