From shabby@MIT.EDU Mon Apr  3 15:43:16 1995
To: sipb-soc@MIT.EDU
Subject: bad writing
X-Mailer: exmh version 1.3 4/7/94
Date: Fri, 20 May 94 11:24:31 EDT
From: Chris Shabsin <shabby&#64;MIT.EDU>


This is very amusing...

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Subject: Bulwer-Lytton!!!
Date: Thu, 19 May 94 22:51:33 EDT
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To: humor&#64;MIT.EDU
Subject: HUMOR: Bulwer-Lytton 1994
Date: Thu, 19 May 94 10:48:20 EDT


Date: Wed, 18 May 94 14:21:57 PDT
From: ckleinja&#64;Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)

                   Bulwer-Lytton 94
  (from the San Jose Mercury News, 5/18/94, pgs. 1B & 5B)

  Grand Winner, 1994 Bulwer-Lytton (bad) Writing Contest

      "As the fading light of a dying day filtered through the window
    blinds, Roger stood over his victim with a smoking .45, surprised at
    the serenity that filled him after pumping six slugs into the bloodless
    tyrant that had mocked him day after day, and then he shuffled out
    of the office with one last look back at the shattered computer
    terminal lying there like a silicon armadillo left to rot on the
    information highway."
	Larry Brill, Austin, Texas

  Winner, Adventure category

      "Fierce, icy winds mercilessly whipped the naked trees into splinters
    and sent birds wheeling into the horizon as Nick Savage mushed his 
    heavy sled on through the blinding whiteness and thought wearily,
    'Next time I'm hooking up the dogs'."
	Leann Roberts, Iron Station, N.C.
  
  Winner, Vile pun category

      "The ex-weightlifter/director started the rehearsals by telling us,
    'Okay, ve gonna beb aroque composers in dis one; you be Telemann,
    you be Vivaldi, and I'll be Bach.'"
	Richard Patching, Alberta, Canada

  Miscellaneous dishonorable mentions

      "Yeah, they called him Rocky Stagecoach, 'cause that's where he
    was born...on the bumpy trail between Conception and Contusion."
	Rix Quinn, Fort Worth, Texas

      "Remember this, foolish mortals, when ye stare headlong into the
    mind-paralyzing void, the inky black nothingness of existence,
    the hellish yawning maw of the abyss -- it's pretty damn dark,
    so give it a few minutes for your eyes to adjust."
	Frank M. Carrano, Branford, Conn.

      "We had been married long enough that Fifi's burning gaze and
    flaring nostrils told me _exactly_ what she wanted, so I hurriedly
    peeled off her tight satin dress, dispatched her lacy French brassiere
    with a flick of the wrist, her garter belt became a 'ringer' on the
    furthest bedpost, and as I sent her imported silk stockings arcing
    gracefully into the laundry hamper, I dropped to my knees and
    promised never, _never_ to go into town wearing her clothes again."
	William "Buddy" Ocheltree, Georgia (last year's grand prize winner)




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