From jered@MIT.EDU Wed May 17 12:13:42 1995 X-Mailer: exmh version 1.5.3 12/28/94 To: jcb@MIT.EDU Subject: Fractured English Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Date: Thu, 13 Apr 1995 16:26:48 EDT From: "Jered Floyd - jered@mit.edu" Content-Length: 5395 ------- Forwarded Message Received: from SOUTH-STATION-ANNEX.MIT.EDU by po7.MIT.EDU (5.61/4.7) id AA11988; Thu, 13 Apr 95 15:03:39 EDT Received: from SNEETCH.MIT.EDU by MIT.EDU with SMTP id AA19080; Thu, 13 Apr 95 15:03:34 EDT Received: by sneetch.MIT.EDU (5.0/4.7) id AA25124; Thu, 13 Apr 1995 15:03:34 -0400 Message-Id: <9504131903.AA25124@sneetch.MIT.EDU> To: humor@MIT.EDU Subject: HUMOR (classic): Fractured English Date: Thu, 13 Apr 1995 15:03:33 EDT From: "Andrew A. Bennett" Content-Length: 4830 From: Big John Stud Date: Sat, 8 Apr 1995 10:54:25 EDT From: Yollie > Samples of "English" from around the world: > > In a Tokyo Hotel: > Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are > not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis. > > In a Bucharest hotel lobby: > The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that > time we regret that you will be unbearable. > > In a Leipzig elevator: > Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. > > In a Belgrade hotel elevator: > To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If > the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a > number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically > by national order. > > In a Paris hotel elevator: > Please leave your values at the front desk. > > In a hotel in Athens: > Visitors are expected to complain at the office > between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. > > In a Yugoslavian hotel: > The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job > of the chambermaid. > > In a Japanese hotel: > You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. > > In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian > Orthodox monastery: > You are welcome to visit the cemetery where > famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are > buried daily except Thursday. > > In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: > Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of > repose in the boots of ascension. > > On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: > Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. > > On the menu of a Polish hotel: > Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with > cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; > beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. > > Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: > Ladies may have a fit upstairs. > > In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: > Drop your trousers here for best results. > > Outside a Paris dress shop: > Dresses for street walking. > > In a Rhodes tailor shop: > Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we > will execute customers in strict rotation. > > Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: > There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by > 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed > over the past two years. > > A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: > It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping > site that people of different sex, for instance, men and > women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other > for that purpose. > > In a Zurich hotel: > Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of > the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be > used for this purpose. > > In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: > Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. > > In a Rome laundry: > Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the > afternoon having a good time. > > Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: > Would you like to ride on your own ass? > > In a Swiss mountain inn: > Special today -- no ice cream. > > In a Bangkok temple: > It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if > dressed as a man. > > In a Tokyo bar: > Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. > > In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: > We take your bags and send them in all directions. > > On the door of a Moscow hotel room: > If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are > welcome to it. > > In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: > Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. > > In a Budapest zoo: > Please do not feed the animals. If you have any > suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. > > In the office of a Roman doctor: > Specialist in women and other diseases. > > In an Acapulco hotel: > The manager has personally passed all the water > served here. > > In a Tokyo shop: > Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find > they are best in the long run. > > From a Japanese information booklet about using a > hotel air conditioner: > Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of > warm in your room, please control yourself. > > From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: > When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the > horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles > your passage then tootle him with vigor. > > Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: > - English well talking. > - Here speeching American ------- End of Forwarded Message