FINAL WORDS

And it came to pass,
Early in the morning toward the last day of the semester (quarter),
There arose a great multitude smiting the books and wailing.
And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth
For the Day of Judgement was at hand
And they were sore afraid, for they had left undone
Those things which they ought to have done,
And they had done
Those things which they ought not to have done
And there was no help for it.
And there were many abiding in the dorm
Who had kept watch over their books by night.
But it availed them not.
But some there were who rose peacefully,
For they had prepared themselves the way
And made straight paths of knowledge
And these were known
As Wise Burners of the Midnight Oil
And to others they were known as "Curve-raisers".
And the multitude arose
And ate a hearty breakfast.
And they came unto the appointed place
And their hearts were heavy within them.
And they had come to pass,
But some to pass out.
And some of them
Repented at their riotous living and bemoaned their fate,
But they had not a prayer.
And at the last hour there came among them
One known as The Instructor; and they feared him exceedingly.
He was of the diabolical smile,
And passed papers among them and went his way.
And many and varied
Were the answers that were given.
For some of his teachings had fallen among fertile minds.
While others had fallen flat.
And some they were who wrote for one hour,
Others for two;
But some were turned away sorrowfully, and many of these
Offered up a little bull
In hopes of pacifying The Instructor.
And these were the ones who had not a prayer.
And when they finished,
They gathered their belongings
And went their way quietly, each in his own direction,
And each vowing unto himself in this manner,
"I shall not pass this way again."
- ---------------------------
>From the UCLA Blue Moon, June 1985
Transcribed by Gary Loo, whom did not have a prayer either!


Shit Happens

In the beginning was The Plan.  And then came the Assumptions.  And the
Assumptions were without form, and The Plan was completely without
substance and the darkness was upon the face of the Students.

And they spoke among themselves, saying "It is a crock of shit, and it
stinkith."  And the Students went unto their T.A.s and sayeth, "It is a
pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the T.A.s went unto their Professors and sayeth unto them, "It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Professors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another, "It
contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."  And the
Professors went unto the Chancellors and sayeth unto them, "It promotes
growth and is very powerful."

And the Chancellors went unto the Regents and sayeth unto them, "This
new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
University, and in these areas in particular."

And the Regents looked upon The Plan, and saw that it was good, and The
Plan became Policy.

          This is how Shit Happens.