Not Quite Pictures of Me

(And other Pictures)

This page is dedicated to Ping, for all his valiant efforts and for making the first such gallery in the AX-APO scrap book.

I've never liked cameras, but that's okay, they've never liked me either. I don't know whether it's that I'm unphotogenic, or just unlucky (Why is it that everyone seems to only want to take my picture on the days I'm sick or have slept on my hair funny or... well, you get the idea.)

Fortunately, I have become a master at thwarting the mad photographers who plague me constantly. Here follow some examples of my victories.

The Pictures

At an early age, I realized that a jacket makes a convenient screen. [1][Photo Icon]

[Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] The sweater trick is the most tried and true variant of the the jacket trick and has thwarted many a camera happy Historian. [2] Some mad photographers are slower than other, allowing for more complete disguises. Here (to the right) we see the "Bedoiun" variant of the sweater trick. [4]

[Photo Icon] When there is no convenient article of clothing handy, sometimes even a small stuffed rabbit will do the trick. [2]

[Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] In those unfortunate situations where there is nothing convenient to hide behind, sitting in poor lighting can be remarkably effective. (It has the added benefit of not requiring you to cease your current activity.) [2]

[Photo Icon] When standing in full open, with no cover anywhere in sight and ample lighting there's not much you can do. I reccommend turning your back. The paper crown isn't my fault. [2]

Icon] Sometimes, you don't even have to stop what you're doing to accomplish this. (Don't worry, I'm sure Charles deserved being sat on.) [5]

[Photo Icon] The "rabbit trick" can also be performed with oddly shaped pieces of sculpture, or just about anything that's handy... [3]

[Photo Icon] Simply sticking up an elbow deftly obstructs the camera's view. Plus you can claim later that it was an accident: Can you be blamed if they decided to snap the picture at the exact moment you decided to don your jacket? Of course not, you had no idea they were even there. [5]

Icon] Sometimes no effort whatsoever is needed, because the cameraman simply misses. These are the sort of people you want to be holding the camera. [8]

[Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] Of course the more deftly and frequently you manage to avoid them, the harder the mad photographers try, even ambushing you when you seem to be defensless. [5] [5]

[Photo Icon] In such circumstances, drastic measures may be called for. [5]

[Photo Icon] This is always a sign that they're getting desperate: they have to resort to attempting to hold me in place by force. Even so, I am victorious. [6]

[Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] Of course the best defense is simply to stay far away from the camera. [7] [7] [7]

The Justification

Let me assure, that my valiant endeavors are indeed justified. As proof I cite the following evidence of what happens to the unwary: [5] [9] [2] [9] [9] [9] [9] [9] [9]

[Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] [Photo Icon]

My Spiritual Children

Here follows a brief tribute to my fellow camera haters.

[Photo Icon] [Photo Icon] Precisely. She's got it. So does he. Well done, grasshoppers. [9] [9]

[Photo Icon] Scowling at the camera rarely works, however, and captures the moment forever. [9]

[Photo Icon]These two have the right idea, but need some work on the execution (hold that hand a little higher). [9]

[Photo Icon] He's nearly gotten the put something in front of your face trick. [2]

[Photo Icon] He's definately gotten it. [8]

[Photo Icon] Even my little cousin has the right idea. [5]

I have some good pictures from Halloween 1995 as well, the year of the Babylon 5 costume.

The Culprits

[1] Some relative, possibly my brother.
[2] Ping Huang, one of the more camera happy Historians.
[3] Zen Master Dave.
[4] Derrick Kong
[5] Susanne Willert
[6] Zen Master Frank
[7] Jennifer Catelli
[8] Jeff Baker
[9] me

Text © Copyright 1996 Kathleen Mahoney
Photographs © Copyright 1996 their respective photographers
All Rights Reserved