TURN OR DIE: A practical guide to undead repulsion

Everybody knows that the most hazardous thing a Shaman can
do is wade in there against the undead and start trying to
turn them. And everybody knows that most Shaman's are too
wussy to do it. It's always "But the Evil Necromancer's
going to Death me!" or "But there's ten zombies and only
three of us!" Well, suck it up and get up front, or sit
down and turn in your holy symbol. You weren't granted
holy powers to sit in the rear.

Now, you also want to survive, so you'd best get some
things straight before going into vocal battle with 
the undead. Here's a few tips. Follow them or knuckle
under to the undead, you wimp.


1. GOOD CHANT

There's a lot of really uninteresting Turning Chants out there.
You know they're bad, and so do the zombies. If they disrespect
your chant, they're not going to run in fear of your righteous
wrath, now are they? So pick one that puts the FEAR into them.

Bad:
"By the power of my faith I command you to begone."
"Return to the grave from whence you came."

Good:
"Get off my lawn you Zombie Bastards!"
"Fire, water, rain or snow. Down to Death you Undead go!"
"Run, cowards, run! I'm coming for you!"


2. SOUND OFF LIKE YOU'VE GOT A PAIR

You can't rout the unliving forces of unholiness if they
aren't aware that you're trying to turn them. SPEAK UP! Shamen
tend to start turning softly, like they're afraid that if they're
the first one to speak, they undead will all come after them.

Well of course they will, stupid! That's why you've got to turn
them hard! If you aren't screaming at the top of your lungs, you're
not going to turn them and they're going to come right after you
as their number one target. Why? Because they are afraid of being
turned, even if you're not smart enough to manage it.

The fear that makes you a target is your friend. Exploit it and
yell loudly to send them packing fast.

If your voice isn't hoarse after 30 seconds of turning, you aren't
yelling load enough. Speak up and let them hear you!


3. RHYTHM AND CADENCE

This one's not for amateurs, but if you and your buddies can manage it, 
you'll be a lean, mean turning machine. Simply put, you gotta have
rhythm.

What's not intimidating? A bunch of confused Shamen screaming in a
cacophonous mess. What is intiminating? A bunch of Shamen with their
act together stomping and shouting in rhythm!

Find a catchy turning chant like this: "Two, four, six, eight! Run away 
or meet your fate! Zombies! Zombies!" and then everybody yell in unison.
I don't care who started first, synchronize or die. 

This tactic is even more impressive if you can get everybody marching
and stomping in time as well. You want military precision, folks.
Anything else is just asking to have your brain sucked out by
ghouls.


4. LIGHT SOURCES

Many types of undead don't like light. More importantly, however, 
being the one with the light in your eyes is confusing and makes
fighting back more difficult. As you advance, every Shaman should
have at least one light spell out, shielded so it shines on your
undead victims, not your fellow clerics.


5. SHIELDS

Some people call these spell magnets. That's true, and that's why 
you should always go turning with a spell shield and mage support.

However, it's also a claw magnet and a sword magnet. Having a
shield will allow you to ignore these petty attacks and focus
on your turning, which is important. Not only that, but a Shaman
with a shield looks twice the size and intimidation value of
a Shaman without a shield. Remember, turning is all about
intimidation.

Besides, there's nothing like a thick sheet of metal between you 
and the enemy to give you a feeling of security.


6. MACES

Even if you can't deliver crushing blows, skeletons and similar
undead will fear you. Besides, a mace just feels good to hold.
Keep it in your non-symbol hand and beat down any lagging undead who
come into range.


7. ALWAYS MOVE FORWARD STEADILY

Remember, turning is about causing a rout. That means you have
to advance. If you stand still yelling at the undead, they'll
just hover a bit out of range, snarling and trying to get around
behind you. If this happens, your turning is worthless. You might
as well be sitting in the tavern getting wasted on Dwarven Pepper
Stout.

You want to maintain a continuous steady advance. If the undead
start backing off, speed your rate of advance just a little, but
do not run or chase. They get to run: you are the epitome of the
irresistable force, slow, steady and implacable. If you chase
them, you will have to slow down at some point and your momentum
will falter. 

A slow rate of advance will also allow any non-Shamen with you to
envelope on either side. The undead will be distracted by your
turning, and will be much less likely to notice their flanking
maneuver.  Then you can achieve not merely rout, but slaughter.

Remember, once you have started turning, you must move forward
and you must NEVER SLOW DOWN.


8. HOLY SYMBOL ON A ROPE

Before entering battle, you want to be sure your Holy Symbol is
secured to your body with some sort of rope or lanyard. That way
when the necromancer Deaths you and your friends drag you away,
you won't lose it.


NOW GET OUT THERE AND DIE FOR YOUR FAITH!