Nameless One to publish autobiography, "Me and My Misunderstood Poetry".
Uh huh, right.
It's 6:30pm and they're done
with cleanup. Why are these people smiling? Go home! Get some sleep!
Poll: What head-to-head competition would you like
The Okian spymaster was not seen in the settlement inspecting the stone
bridge. "The reports of an Okian spymaster down by the stone bridge are
totally false," asserts Sgt Rutger.
Poetry-Reading Ghoul Found Stabbed 48 Times In The Back. "Obviously a
suicide -- case closed," says Robert the Constable.
New to the Frontier? Unsure what to do? Take the Dear Darklocke
Quiz! We'll help guide you to an exciting and rewarding career in the
Q. You find yourself in a grove where your best friend lies with all
his limbs maimed. Four hobgoblin champions and a shaman burst from the
trees looking belligerent. You can easily escape. What best describes
- You try to figure out how you ended up with a "best friend" and wander
off to brood.
- You sneakily slip your friend some poisoned daggers, sneakily slip
into the woods, only to sneakily slip back out and attack the hobgoblins
from behind. Sneakily.
- Not having anything in particular against hobgoblins, you wish your
friend luck and graciously vow to destroy him should he ever suffer the
injustice of being re-animated as dead in the future.
- Seeing that all the good components are gone from the grove anyway,
you slip your friend an experimental Tend potion and run for it, planning
to return to see if there is enough left of either hobgoblins or your
friend to mix into a potion.
- You attempt to bargain with the hobgoblins for your friend's life,
drawing them into a game of chance involving paper/rock/scissors and a deck
of marked cards.
- You leave your friend's side to be sure the hobgoblins don't step on
any flowers or shrubs.
- What else CAN you do? You fight, and hope you get hazard pay if you
live through this.
Q. Night Alyss is hosting a picnic where you are served by zombies and
enjoy the company of a few of your friends. He raises his glass of wine
and instructs you to drink from yours as well as he toasts some recent plot
or another. What do you do?
- Never accepted the invitation in the first place. I don't like
- Free wine? I empty my glass, then the bottle, then ask for more!
- I kill all the evil undead necroscum!!!!!!
- I pretend to drink, slipping some into an empty potion vial for future
- I politely drink, having developed an immunity to various poisons
drinking with many Galenese nobles in the past.
- I drink the wine, picturing pretty vineyards and getting ready to
berate Night Alyss for any harm he plans to bring to the land.
- Wait for it... mentally draw out a battle plan on the checkerboard
skull/gravestone pattern tablecloth, then attack!
Q. You and possibly some friends come to a path in the woods that
diverges into three separate paths. One is paved and nicely maintained.
One is a rough dirt road somewhat overgrown. One is dark, foggy, and
evil-looking and gives you a sense that certain death lies down that path
via a sign that says "Certain Death Lies Down This Path." You are bored
out of your mind and were looking for adventure anyway. Where do you
- Down the path that seems the least traveled.
- Unable to read signs and preferring marks of civilization, we take the
- Surely where there is death there is undead, we take the gloomy path!
- Um... I see more flowers and holly down the safe-looking wooded path,
let's hit that way.
- I say we wait here and waylay anyone stopping to figure out where to
- We take the paved route and weep over the destruction of nature,
hoping our tears wear down the stone of progress and water the weeds
of... um... lack of progress.
- Deliberate a bit over splitting up into scouting parties to examine
each path and best determine how to protect passersby from any dangers we
Q. You're at a Guild party. You find yourself rooted in place,
dominated to raise your arms up in the air, slowly wave back and forth, and
repeat nasty limericks to the jesting and pointing of all others. What
best describes your inner feelings?
- Embarrassed and humiliated. Man I hate people.
- Oh, they'll turn their backs, and then it'll be their turn.
- That guy... in the bunk in the corner... he looks kinda like a
red-skull from this angle. Grr...
- What on Areth was in that potion?!
- What a distasteful gathering of deviants. Not a blackjack table to be
- Neat! I'm a limerick tree!
- Please don't let the captain see me, please don't let the captain see
Q. Finally, when scouting ahead of your friends to the little island in the pond, you find a substantial treasure trove of various items. They have not yet gotten to the footbridge and you could easily claim it all for yourself. What goes on in your head?
- "Friends?" Right. I burn the footbridge down and built a nice
little hut to live alone in with the help of the dominate powder in the
trove and a beaver I name "Hermit."
- Their loss for being slow. I'm the scout for a reason.
- Any destroy undead powders in this treasure?
- Treasure trove? OOH, lookie! Red ferns and mice!
- Power! Power to all of us! Muwa ha ha haaa!
- I'll leave the hecta to my friends if they leave the red ferns and
- I wonder if I can somehow work the term "V-formation" into this
Okay, here's how it works. If you find yourself leaning toward the same
number more than once, you are inclined to be adequate for looking further
into the group that that number represents. In case your responses are
pretty spread out, keep in mind that there is such a thing as dual
membership in some cases, and double-agent in others. Here's how you score
if you were inclined to favor a particular answer:
- Groups are not a good thing for you. Let's face it, you don't get
along well with others.
- If you answered #2 on more than one, you would likely be Guild
material. Inquire within.
- Boy oh boy do YOU hate undead! Perhaps you should look into fleshing
out the ranks of the Brotherhood of the Skull once more.
- You are mysterious, experimenting, and inquisitive. Alchemist Guild
all the way.
- While almost shifty enough to join the Guild, you are a better class
of being than that rabble and prefer a good round of gambling over drunken
rowdiness. Check and see if you must necessarily be a Dandalo to hang with
- There are various Tree Hugging organizations in New Galen you could be
a part of. A quick extra test will suggest the best one for you: If you
are a guy, you might check with the Rangers. If you are a gal, you might
check with the Guardians. If you are into leaf tattoos, you might check
with the Daughters of Kell. If it's Damien's fault, you might check with
- Organized combative protection of others. Militia, Garrison,
whatever they're calling themselves these days... you need to be in
something that refers to itself as a "unit".
Anyway, I hope this has helped you determine your lot in life here at the
Tor Loch Mabens Suddenly Become True Shamans
A few nights ago, the Tor Loch Mabens Durgan, Durkin, Dunkin, Dixen,
Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Ditzen, and Kaothol got attacked by a group of
undead. Not knowing what to do -- or perhaps being too drunk to figure out
something cogent to do -- they stumbled outside and managed to variously
get pummeled, maimed, etc. Suddenly, Dunken had a bright idea. "I jes
held up me beer stein and started shouting, 'Back to the bar! Back to the
bar!'". To everyone's considerable surprise, this new war cry was most
effective against the undead, which variously scattered, exploded, or
gnashed their teeth in jealousy.
Asked if they thought their new turning chant would be effective against
all undead, Drinkun replied, "Aye, wull try it 'gainst that Night Alyss
fellah -- ee's all purply and sober-lookun'. A good ale'll fix that, ay?
Red Skull Ale, now dere's a good 'un. And besides, me got some shaman
swizzle sticks! That oughtta turn 'is spirits, ay?"