Darklocke & Tomo's
Social Column

Published whenever we feel like it.

Vol 2, Issue #6

1 Earth, 1603

All The News We Think You Need To Know


New Reality Show Black Watch Unscripted Coming Soon!

Black Watch Black Watch, whatcha gonna do,
whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
Da Okians give ya no bra-ake,
Da Ghoul King give ya no break,
No Morloth gonna give ya no break,
Not even yo Maben naw give ya no break, hey hey!
Black Watch Black Watch, whatcha gonna do,
whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Darklocke: I followed the Black Watch around over a weekend to see just exactly what a moon in the life of New Galen's resident protectors was like. The following are records I made of the friends and members of the Black Watch as the events happened. All suspects are guilty until proven guilty in a Galenese court of law.

Friday Night

Bryn MacDuff: Well what we're basically doin' is a standard patrol down to where we expect the new settlers may be fumblin' around in the dark. Things are always seemin' to jump the poor blokes as soon as they get off the boat so we're just gonna head on down there to take a look.
Malcolm MacDuff: Well I've been working with Bryn pretty much as long as I can remember.
Zahnnie Sheridan: You guys are brothers.
Malcolm: Right, but I mean we've always been into the whole "protect the innocent" thing since we could walk. We'd be the ones on the playground going berserk on some bully's ass. Then later on we hooked up with Seamus and Warrik who were into the whole idea of forming up a group.

Bryn: We're gonna take a turn off this path a bit 'ere. Watch out for the prickers.
Seamus Odae: I love being a member of the Black Watch. Ever since I was a young man I wanted to be a part of a noble brotherhood whose goal it was to strive until death to forever right the wrongs cast upon the unfortunate. To raise our weapons together seeking the strength of One to strike down villainy in righteous splendor!
Warrik McCormick: I just want to whack shit.
Zahnnie: How can you not want to hang out with these boys?
Bryn: All right, there's a figure up ahead back on the path. Things seem pretty calm. Let's go check it out. 'Allo there!
*name blurred out*: Hail, is that the Watch? Hey, what's going on?
Bryn: Aw, don't pay no attention to 'im, he's just recordin' our exploits. 'E wants it all natural-like.
Darklocke: Don't worry, I can edit later. [Editor's note: ran out of time to edit]
*name blurred out*: Right, well I don't want to be recorded in anything.
Darklocke: No problem, I can keep you anonymous.
Bryn: So you seen any of the new settlers around?
*name blurred out*: What? Oh yeah, sure, they headed up to the tavern not too long ago. Had an actually pretty easy go of it, but I think the boat docked somewhere other than it usually does. They headed up another path. Alls pretty quiet around here.
Warrik: Damn.
Malcolm: Well that was exciting.
Bryn: All right then, I'll leave you to your lurking Dam - er, I mean [looks sheepishly at Darklocke]
Darklocke: [whispering] I can cut that too, don't sweat it.


Darklocke: I had a hard time keeping up with these guys whilst both writing and observing and noting as much as possible. But I learned a long time ago how to do a lot of things on the run. Even at a full sprint through the brush towards the path, as we were doing during an incident the next morning.
Bryn: [sprinting, panting] All right, we're responding to a call we got from a panicked farmer that was sayin' there's a hobgoblin war party with an ogre down by the Stone Bridge causin' some trouble with their family. We're probably the closest in the area so we're gonna just rejoin with the main path 'ere and get down there fast. Running into a bit of traffic this time of the morning, though, hopefully they'll pull over for us. Coming through! Move out of our way! Damn Alchemists.
Zahnnie: [running, panting] A lot of times in a situation like this you really don't know what you're gettin' into. More than once something like this has been a trap set to bait unwary settlers. But then, there could actually be a farmer's family in trouble, an' the Black Watch are such a bunch of sweeties.
Seamus: [running, blushing] Aw...
Warrik: [running, rolling his eyes] Yeah. Look, let's just take these things out in our... uh...
Seamus: Righteous splendor, it was.
Warrik: Right. That.
Bryn: Wait! Look!
Malcolm: All right, so there's an ogre guarding the path at this end of the bridge, and two... three hobgoblins at the other end. No shaman with them, it doesn't look like.
Zahnnie: No, though I can't really see how many horns they have from 'ere.
Seamus: There's the farmer's family! There, lying down by the side of the bridge in the grass. We've got to save them!
Warrik: [whispering to Darklocke] He's not being dramatic just for your sake. He's really like this.
Bryn: Okay, we 'ave to take out that ogre as fast as possible, but you try to get by it to protect the farmers, Seamus. Warrik, you try to help 'im after you get a couple shots in the ogre. Right? Right. Let's do this.
Darklocke: I only saw the beginning of the battle with the ogre, but it seemed as though Bryn and Zahnnie were cutting some mighty gashes into it as I ducked around to follow Seamus and Warrik through to the farmers. The hobgoblins turned toward our direction and Seamus engaged one immediately, whilst Warrik dropped one with a spell. That gave the third hobgoblin pause before it retreated, and Warrik ran after it. I followed him to catch the drama of the chase, hoping to be back in time to catch the drama of the rescue.
Warrik: Damn! Don't you run! STOP! I hate it when they do this. I gotta keep an eye on this guy in case he's going to get others or something. An operation like this can't really have any loose ends. Drop your weapon! DROP YOUR WEAPON! GET DOWN!
Darklocke: We got close enough for Warrik to wrestle the hobgoblin face down onto the ground, tossing the creature's sword away and pinning its hands behind its back.
Warrik: [pulling the hobgoblin's face up out of the dirt by the horns] Why'd you run! HUH? Why'd you run! Get down there. [drops the hobgoblin's face into the dirt again] You better go check on the others, this is gonna get too messy to print.
Darklocke: So I headed back to the bridge, where there was a dead ogre, two dead hobgoblins, and Seamus was untying and tending to the farmers, one a lovely young farmer woman.
Lovely young farmer woman: Oh thank you so much, you saved us!
Seamus: [blushing] Aw...

Sunday, lounging at the pavilion

Malcolm: Man, I'm freakin' tired.
Warrik: I think all my skills are spent.
Zahnnie: Well at least that ogre wasn't so tough.
Bryn: Yeah, we really smacked 'im down good. Good job on that, everyone.
Seamus: And lookit the pretty flower the lovely young farmer woman gave me!
Passerby: Hey, guys? Look, I hate to bother you with this, but you might want to head down to the field by Death. Everyone else is up at the tavern I think, and there's the makings of a good brawl going on down there.
Warrik: [sighs]
Bryn: All right, lads, our work is never done.
Zahnnie: Yes, Seamus, I see your flower, it's very nice, now get your butt in gear.
Malcolm: Looks like we're heading down to Lords Bran and Gared's land. We've had to report to their property on more than one occasion responding to one domestic or another. Looks like they're bitching with some Nature's Paw folks right now.
Bryn: What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?
Lord Gared: Ah, hello, Black Watch. Well, we were just having a discussion with these fine people here about how we'd prefer if their Wolf Spirit didn't come digging around our property here.
Lord Bran: Yeah, as in keep that mangy spirit mutt off our land.
Abel Marko: You should have a little more respect for--
Lord Bran: Oh blah blah blah, take your paw preachin' group to the trees.
Lord Gared: Bran, maybe you should--
Lilian Whitehorse: I can't believe he just--
Damer Flinn: [rolling eyes]
Bryn: Ladies, gentlemen, please, please, calm down. Seamus, Zahnnie, why don't you take the Nature's Paw fellows aside and get down what happened. We'll speak with the Lords here.
Lord Bran: Yeah, get them where the fleas won't be bugging us.
Lillian: Can you believe him? Just wait and see--
Malcolm: People, people, PLEASE! You! Over there with them. Come on. Let's settle down. Now, Lord Gared, what happened here?
Lord Gared: It's not really all that big a deal. It's just that when the Wolf Spirit appeared to them this time around, it was lurking around our land here. We don't think it was up to do any harm or anything, but we like to keep our property as our own, and if the spirit shows up here, soon all the Nature's Paw will be coming over to hold their meetings. We just don't want to be associated with all that.
Lord Bran: Maybe we should look into getting some sort of banish spirit potion, is what I'm thinkin'.
Bryn: Now then, my Lord, we don't be wantin' any of that now. We're just gonna talk with our associates 'ere and see what we can do for you... So, Seamus, what did the Nature's Paw have to say?
Seamus: They said they just wanted a little more respect from the Lords here and were going to be on their way anyway.
Zahnnie: They've spoken with the Wolf Spirit, and as she shows up so randomly, they said by the next time she showed up anywhere near Bran and Gared's property here, it probably wouldn't still be their property.
Warrik: Not the way Galenese power changes hands around here.
Bryn: All right then, well, let's just explain this all away and have everyone be on their way then.
Warrik: As Malcolm said Friday, how exciting.
Malcolm: But then, I'm too tired to whack anything now anyway.
Seamus: Good point. Tavern?
Warrik: Tavern.
Darklocke: So the day ended pretty anti-climactically, but you don't always have control over these things in the field. Still, regardless of the situation, the Black Watch serves New Galen well to strike down villainy as one in its... damn... check my notes...
Seamus: Righteous splendor!
Darklocke: Right. Righteous splendor and all that.

Darklocke and Tomo's Social Column is an OOG production of Mike Magelinski (Darklocke) and David Leung (Tomo). Yes, we are ripping off the L&F of .

May the readers have mercy on our souls. -- Darklocke Or at least not lake us before they Final us. -- Tomo