Darklocke & Tomo's
Social Column

Published whenever we feel like it.

Vol 2, Issue #1

58 Earth, 1602

All The News We Think You Need To Know

Headline News:

Area man successfully casts Speak With Owner. "Next time, though, I'll make sure to cast Speak With Owner And Get Useful Answers."


Peanut-butter-and- chocolate Kia comes to New Galen. Lord Rhys is not amused.


Jareth to start Celebrity Boxing. First up: Arabundi vs Punjam!


Poll: What should New Galen's motto be?


Why does Damer have news about the Gerbil Kia? (Wait, we didn't actually pay this reporter, did we?)


Ilara lightning storms a random incompetent moron. When asked about it by Constable Robert, she replied, "It's not anyone who'll be missed."


The Okian spymaster was not seen up on Hobgoblin Hill. Not that anyone has the slightest clue where that is, but if anyone did, s/he wasn't there.


DTSC reporters fail to find any interesting gossip about Rhaenys. (But we needed a gratuitious Rhaenys reference.) Coincidence? You decide.

Still Spamming

The Great Tree Sloth Arabundi reports that he has over 20 different IP addresses to stack the website poll ("Which group do you find the most useful?"). Mikael owns the entire censored.censored.0.0 /16 subnet and is voting for the Ravens. "Well, I feel like in another time, I might've been for building up the Guild, but now I feel like destroying it."

(DTSC editors would like to point out that the militia has access to 415 semi-public machines, and could easily recruit 4 or 5 people to run a simple script, thus seeing Arabundi's 20 and raising him two orders of magnitude.)

Tomo, now that he's dead, is going for the more direct route of buying certain people dinner at Mary Chung's. "I figure a thousand votes per order of suan. Who can beat direct database access?"

A few days later, we decided to see if Mikael was still spamming the site. Mikael: "Well you know if I randomly check the vote page and it lists me as not having voted yet, I certainly need to vote again. Especially during a group popularity contest." After the DTSC editors congratulated him for understanding the Galenese way, Mikael replied, "Vote-buying? Galenese? Wait, I thought the Galenese were Italian crossed with Australian, not Floridian."

Also, DTSC sources have noted that for a bunch of do-gooders it seems the Fian is the least helpful. When editors pointed out that even the dead editors wouldn't trust the fain, our sources replied, "they should stop hugging all the trees and get online."

Fashion News

This is Candace Isir, and together with my writing companion, Feylin, we have a new job - writing The DTSC Fashion Sidebar! Upon being asked (after only a few bruises), we agreed to come on board the DTSC. So without further ado, here we go!

C: First off, let me just say that all black is so passe. And who has the 'all black' market all but cornered? The Dark Elves, of course! Really, they could use a makeover. Now, I do understand that they got that whole 'Underdark' thing going for them, but I can just see it now:

The mighty Dark Elven warrior, once dressed in black this, that, and the other, is a far more impressive sight to behold dressing in only some black mixed with greys and moss greens - and it would provide for better blending in with those cavern walls. An example: A medium grey flowing shirt with black piping and lacing on collar and sleeve; contrasting black pants with medium grey piping and a dark grey open lacing up the side of the leg; short soft medium grey boots with a light grey turned-over cuff; a dark green lizard-hide belt with a silver buckle with the matching weapons holsters also of green lizard-hide with silver adornments; the cloak and its lining in a dark speckled mossy green with its hood and cloak edges trimmed in grey fur; and to top it all off - a silver cloak clasp having only one large gem: useful for reflecting a light back into an attacker's night-accustomed eyes. A much more interesting picture to look at, don't you think, Feylin?

F: Areth Von Galen, Fashion Critic Extrordanaire here, formerly known as Feylin Valendale. Yes,... I know... I left the settlement several moons ago. I just found a new calling after having been stripped of my previous titles. Now, it seems that you all are in need of my & Candace's advice - after all, who was the most fashionably dressed half-elf Guard but me? Was that head band working for me, or what? But, I digress...

Courier has reached me, about this all black thing, and I must agree that it is so passe. It lacks imagination. I mean, there is such a thing as overkill. C'mon guys, you're Slaying me here! I think it's high time they accepted that There Is No Escape from a fashion update. Yes, it's high time to call Caution here and consider what Candace suggested. No time to Sleep, get cracking!

Now before you think about Silencing me, consider this - Imagine: there you are on the field, your Final Death, and you walk in to Death's realm and he's like, "No wonder you're dead! Look what you're wearing!" Think about it.

C&F: So, to all you Dark Elves (and closet Dark Elves), remember: dress to pass - don't dress passé!

Breaking News

Blackwatch arrested for public sobriety and polite conduct.

"It was terrible" one victim of the Blackwatch's proper conduct was heard to say. "Holding doors open for me, being perfect gentlemen, laying their kilts down over puddles for me... well okay that part was a little questionable so it wasn't so bad."

Now in stores: Kia Pets.

Simply spread the magic solution over the surface, pour in the essense, and watch the little multi-coloured weeds grow! Great for shelf display or placing out in the woods to attract Elmer.

Darklocke to continue writing for DTSC

Despite being who-knows-where on Areth, Darklocke will keep running the DTSC. (Yeah, into the ground.) The frontier was consumed by weeping when news of this broke. Hey, I checked: it was weeping in agony, not joy. No, you're wrong. No, I'm not going to change the wording. Dammit, I'm an Editor too, and this is my article, so piss off.

Darklocke and Tomo's Social Column is an OOG production of Mike Magelinski (Darklocke) and David Leung (Tomo). Dave is now pretty unapologetic for continuing to brutually rip off , so hopefully they won't sue us. :)