Meet the Feebles (1989)

Maybe a year or more before we saw "Meet the Feebles", I saw a preview for it. This was at a time when the Coolidge had recently shown a couple previews for movies that didn't actually exist. The preview was pretty amusing. I remember thinking, "Wow. An R-rated Muppet Movie. That has some amusing possibilities." And I promptly forgot all about it as I lost myself in the John Woo film I was there to see.

A year later, it's a Friday and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do that night. Flipping through the Arts section of the paper what should I see but an ad for "Meet the Feebles" playing that night! I called several people and said "We must go!"

Well, Eon and Felicity were the only ones who could make it. Neither has yet to forgive me.

It's just like the Muppets. It's set in a theatre, and the main characters are the cast of "The Fabulous Feebles Variety Hour". Just like the Muppets, we follow them as they go through their various problems backstage and putting on their acts.

Unlike the Muppets, the Feebles' problems are of a rather different nature. The manager is involved in illicit drug deals to help bankroll the show. The assistant manager is making porn videos in the basement. One of the actors is facing a paternity suit. Etcetera. Nothing Jim Henson would have approved of.

I still think that the idea for this movie is a great one. It's just that, well, rather than going for anything actually clever, the movie just goes for the blatant gross-out. After that, it spends the rest of the time attempting to top itself in reaching new lows.

Huge new lows, actually. If there's a bodily fluid that you can think of, there's gallons of it in this film. I wish I were exaggerating.

Which isn't to say that the movie doesn't have its moments. At several points I laughed out loud. The flashback scene that is a Deer Hunter parody is absolutely brilliant.

Of the two fiascoes that Dave took me to see that fateful weekend long ago, this was by far the better. Meet the Feebles is kinda like what the Muppet Show would've looked like if it were trying to be realistic. Gritty, mean, weird, icky.

And most of all, surprising.

Never forget, this stars of this film are animal puppets and marionettes. Now, I don't know about you, but I grew up on the entire Sesame Street oeuvre, and the rules of that genre are well and solidly hardwired into my brain: Puppet animals are cute, inoffensive, adorable, sincere, truthful, funny, friendly, and above all, nice.

The Feebles ain't.

I mean, they're extravagantly ugly in many cases. What would Kermit look like if you worked him over for a couple of days straight with an ugly stick? And they ain't nice critters, either. Really, the shenanigans are disturbingly realistic (backstage romances, nasty old men fondling young starlets, tangled webs of sexual intrigue, copious bodily fluids).

Now, the worst part of all is this: All that ugliness and unpleasantness notwithstanding, every once in a while, that Sesame Street vibe would take over, and suddenly, Hey! There are animal puppets and marionettes on the screen! Wow, they must be cute, inoffensive, adorable, sincere, truthful, funny, friendly, and above all, nice! Which was perfect set-up for the Big Fall. Because invariably, one of those adorable puppets would toss his cookies, or one of the inoffensive ones would get caught boinking one of the dancers in a back room, or one of the nice ones would drive a car through a two-story Mafia spider, and Man! Talk about a cold sharp shock.

Bracing, you know?

I do have to admit though: I did enjoy the final number quite a lot. If this flick ever comes to town, do catch it, just for the finale.

Beautiful.