| Inflictor's Review | Victim's Review |
|---|---|
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Now this. This was a movie. A real classic. Okay, Dave is probably over there hyukking it up over the good truth in advertising of the movie: there really are face-ripping tarantulas, eye-popping spikes, and gallons of flesh-rending acid (oh good GOD, the gallons of flesh-rending acid), exactly as the promo promises. I have to say, though, that the real beauty of the movie is that it's a true pioneer in the modern horror genre. The incompetent hero, the mysterious blind seer, the haunted house, and gore (lots of gore, man, gore all over the place. Perhaps not truly convincing gore, but hey, really explicit gore nonetheless) have all found their ways into the horror genre, and pretty much all thanks to this groundbreaking film. It comes off as a bit light, ironically, thanks to our modern horrorwise sophistication, which we can only claim thanks to this film and early ones like it. But it takes itself very seriously, and it dares you to as well. It's unfair, really, to judge it by today's standards and the--
Okay, okay, enough pseudo-filmbabble. Look, dammit, this movie is just loads of fun! You need to be in the right frame of mind (some people get there through alcohol or illicit substances or sleep deprivation or sometimes even drilling a small hole in their skulls: do what works for you) and you need to see it with a bunch of friends in a similar state; Do this and see if it don't sparkle. Beyond: Mmmmm, good and good for you, too! |
When you advertise something, you generally want to point out its
best features -- at least that's what you do if you want people to
actually do something about it (for example: buy your product, or
see your movie...).
Well, Lucio Fulci (director of this piece of dreck) doesn't have to fear ever being accused of violating any Truth in Advertising laws, at least not for the radio ads I heard for "The Beyond". Let's take a look at what those ads promised: The Walking Dead... Well, they sorta shuffled, really, but that's just picking nits. Yeah, the dead are up and around in this movie. Face-Ripping Tarantulas... Yep, had these, too. Eye-Popping Spikes... Well, there was actually only one spike... This was, I must confess, the closest the movie ever comes to doing something even vaguely inspired or original. When I first heard the phrase "eye-popping spikes", I imagined a spike coming from the front entering the actual eye. Having the spike come through the back of the victim's head to injure the eye was the single most original and surprising thing about this film (unless you count the surprise you feel that someone actually spent time making it). and Endless streams of Flesh-Rendering Acid... Yep, more flesh-rendering acid than you can shake a stick at. Of course, in all of this, they apparently had a total budget of about $20 for special effects. If you were from another planet, this movie might cause you to believe that humans being are made of Silly Putty filled with that red, sugary syrup from frozen strawberries. Sadly, they didn't seem to spend more than $20 on the cast, either, as all of the acting is about as bad as you'd expect from people made of Silly Putty filled with that red, sugary syrup from frozen strawberries... Even more sadly, the characters in the movie are so woefully clueless, that people with heads full of that red, sugary syrup from frozen strawberries would seem like Einsteins by comparision. I found myself (loudly) rooting for the walking dead before the movie was over. All in all, a truly rotten film, worthy of having been the instrument of Eon's revenge. Only see it if you can watch it somewhere you can heckle the screen at full volume. You'll be yelling "Head shot! Head shot, you idiot! No, I said HEAD SHOT, you loser! OK, I give up. Hey, zombies! Can't you move any faster and put that idiot out of my misery?!" |
