-- Tori on suicide --
     I hope this doesn't turn out to long but as some of you Sandman fans 
     know, Tori did the intro for the comic "Death the High Cost of 
     Living"; I thought maybe I would type it in for you all since it is 
     Tori and somewhat related to the suicide talk going round. I'd highly 
     recommend checking out the Sandman comics. I never, as an adult, read 
     comic books and was pleasantly surprised at how philosophical, 
     intelligent and insightful they were.  Obviously this is copywrited to 
     Neil Gaiman and 1994 DC Comics.  (Did someone mention he doesn't mind 
     things going on the Internet as long as they were noted as copywrited 
     and no one is getting profit? That'll be my story anyway... it's for a 
     good cause.)
     
     "It's funny but on good days I don't think of her so much. In fact 
     never.  I never just say hi when the sun is on my tongue and my 
     belly's all warm. On bad days I talk to Death constantly, not about 
     suicide because honestly that's not dramatic enough.  Most of us love 
     the stage and suicide is definitely your last performance and being 
     addicted to the stage, suicide was never an option - plus people get 
     to look you over and stare at your fatty bits and you can't cross your 
     legs to give that flattering thigh angle and that's depressing.
     "So we talk.
     "She says things no one else seems to come up with, like let's have a 
     hot dog and then it's like nothing's impossible. She told me once 
     there is a part of her in everyone, though Neil believes I'm more 
     Delirium than Tori, and Death taught me to accept that, you know, wear 
     your butterflies with pride. And when I do accept that, I know Death 
     is somewhere inside of me. She was the kind of girl all the girls 
     wanted to be, I believe, because of her acceptance of 'what is.'  She 
     keeps reminding me there is change in the 'what is' but change cannot 
     be made till you accept the 'what is.'
     "Like yesterday, all the recording machines where breaking down again. 
     We almost lost a master take and the band leaves tomorrow and we 
     can't do anymore music till we resolve this.  We're in the middle of 
     nowhere in the desert and my being wants to crawl under a cactus and 
     wish it away.  Instead, I dyed my hair and she visited me and I 
     started to accept the mess I'm in.  I know that mess spelled backwards 
     is ssem and I felt much better armed with that information. Over the 
     last few hours I've allowed myself to feel defeated, and just like she 
     said if you allow yourself to feel the way you really feel, maybe you 
     won't be afraid of that feeling anymore.
     "When you're on your knees you're closer to the ground. "Things seem 
     nearer somehow.
     "If all I can say is I'm not in this swamp, I'm not in this swamp then 
     there is not a rope in front of me and there is not an alligator 
     behind me and there is not a girl sitting at the edge eating a hot dog 
     and if I believe that, then dying would be the only answer because 
     then Death couldn't come and say Peachy to me anymore and after all 
     she has a brother who believes in hope."
     
     ^--- There it is Emmy