The People's Choice Cuts: 1001-2000


They have no more SPAM
My hands tremble with anger
Clean-up on aisle 5
--Cissy Hartley


I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble
--Ken Zuroski,


Boy trapped in ice box
Nothing else inside but SPAM
Boy eats own left foot


Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.
--Ken Zuroski,


Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."
--Chris Fishel,


Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.
--William Bradford,

If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.

--Tom Elliott,

Drunk crippled Ewok,
Dead on sidewalk, piss-drenched fur,
SPAM just out of reach

--Charles Campos,

Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's yang
Pink pursuing pink

--Bill Turner,


Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's your 'Treet'."
The brats torched my house.
--Bill Lafferty,

Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light, gelled.

--L. Sheahen,

Turkey-shaped SPAM for
Thanksgiving dinner. None give
thanks but the turkey.



"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."
--Chris Fishel,

"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"

--Ken Zuroski,

What a mockery--
Lettuce and fruits surround SPAM.
Why gild the lily?

--L. Sheahen,

Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.

--Ben Hitz,


I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."
--Chris Fishel,

Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and Mountain Dew

--Bill Turner,

SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of Pork."

--Rory, son of mickman


AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay Atinlay.
--Artinmay Oodabay,

Thanks again to the anonymous panelists for helping me select among 1000 haiku, to our special guest expert, Dr. Diane M. Harris, author of Regulation of Porcine Adipose Tissue Lipogenesis by Somatotropin, to Phil Erickson for writing the vote tallying cgi script, and to Alec Proudfoot ( for hosting the ballot box.

John Nagamichi Cho, a.k.a. The SHAM / SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.