SPAM Haiku: Science

SHAM-32.
Bio techs love SPAM.
The jelly is optimal
For microbe cultures.

SHAM-81.
A SPAM slice frying
In the southern hemisphere
Turns counterclockwise.

SHAM-85.
How many degrees
Can one tilt an ungreased pan
Before a loaf slips?

SHAM-87.
What's really in SPAM?
Biologists say it's a
Can of nematodes.

SHAM-131.
New discovery:
SPAM waves. Thought to propagate
In gel-like ether.

SHAM-132.
SPAM-wave detector:
Immerse man in gel. If he
Gains weight, SPAM wave's there.

SHAM-133.
Can information
Be sent by using SPAM waves?
No. Just calories.

SHAM-134.
SPAM wave as weapon
Used during Cold War. Doubtful?
Yeltsin's size. Case closed.

SHAM-135.
Remote sensing with
SPAM waves needs work. Too much pork
In the ground clutter.

SHAM-136.
Communist China
Uses SPAM waves for jamming.
All you get's pink noise.

SHAM-137.
Relativity
Predicts SPAM waves will bend near
Massive trailer parks.

SHAM-138.
Astronomy news:
SPAM waves from distant stars are
Always pink-shifted.

SHAM-139.
As an object gets
Near the speed of SPAM waves, its
Fat content goes up.

SHAM-202.
SPAM volcano blows.
Stratosphere laden with pork.
Gorgeous pink sunsets.

97.
Scientists sought that
Which man was not meant to know:
SPAM ingredients.

--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

117.
Split the SPAM atom
Enormous pink mushroom cloud
World covered in pork

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

177.
Who discovered SPAM?
Biohazard! No Access!
But someone went in.

--Anonymous

263.
Apollo 13:
What really happened up there?
SPAM got in the works.

--GoshMizer, GoshMizer@aol.com

300.
SPAM Symmetry Group:
top bottom, left right, up down
Iso-tasty moves.

--john "friday is spam-day" sahr

367.
Miniature tadpoles,
Mine had one X, one Y...SPAM?
Oops, thought you said sperm.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@osh1.datasync.com

456.
Spamatazoan
swimming freely, abandon,
spies egg, breaks through, pink.

--gconroy@siue.edu

461.
Ivan Pavlov's dog
Drooled, but never drooled for SPAM.
THAT would be a trick!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

470.
A dark, moonless night
In the sky a wondrous sight
The SPAM Nebula

--Anonymous

565.
Clear chunk waits inside.
It rises!? -- No, just a dream.
Entropy triumphs.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

586.
Liquid nitrogen:
Dunk SPAM in, hit with hammer.
Pink shards fly about.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

588.
Schrödinger's SPAM: One
minute the pork snouts are dead.
The next, they're alive!

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

640.
slowly forgotten,
it deserves a little more
atomic shielding

--Brian Minton, bminton@efn.org

647.
MRI of SPAM.
T1, T2--no matter.
Homogeneous.

--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

661.
SPAModynamics:
SPAM is never destroyed, just
Eaten, puked, or shat.

--Jon Howell, jhowell@us.oracle.com

748.
Order from chaos
Differentiated flesh
SPAM proves entropy

--Anonymous

1171.
Universe explodes
Spews pork across the cosmos
The Big SPAM Theory

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1184.
Dinosaurs vanished
Extinction's cause now revealed
SPAM meteorite

--Doug and GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

1224.
Volume of a pig?
Easy to compute with SPAM
Length times height times width

--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

1246.
Playing with SPAM and
Genetic engineering
Strange horrors result.

--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

1375.
Einstein enjoyed SPAM
The can is shaped like warped space
SPAM at speed of light

--Anonymous

1442.
Stephen Hawking writes
about "pink holes" in A Brief
History of SPAM
.

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

1471.
Archaeology:
The field crew dug up some SPAM
perfectly preserved.

--Anonymous

1629.
Feed a growing world?
Oak Ridge and Hormel create
SPAMatomic bomb!

--kevin kepley (the mathineer/poet), kpk@Storz.Com

1684.
In the Beginning
"Big SPAM"...Quarks and pigs chaote.
Some sweet and sour pork?

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1716.
Galactic wormholes
Excrete amorphous garbage.
Stars are made from SPAM.

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1719.
Galileo probe
Reveals Jupiter's secret--
SPAM, the Great Pink Spot!

--jpollard@rdc.noaa.gov

1758.
Red Super Giant,
SPAM, about to implode now.
Another meat ball.

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1760.
Morphogenetic
Fields of SPAM transcend our space.
Quantumeity!

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1764.
Spamiverse exists
In a stretched cubic Pinkum.
Uncertainty rules.

--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1949.
Light long fuse to SPAM
Can; then run like hound of Hell.
Anti-matter bomb!

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

1950.
Schrödinger's cat shat.
Darwin's ape assed. Hormel's pig
Pooped. "SPAM Super-Mix."

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2085.
weightlessness of space
SPAM sits heavy in stomach
no SPAM astronauts

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2086.
SPAM there/SPAM not there
uncertainty principle
have to turn the key

--James Ewert, ewert@rose.rsoc.rockwell.com

2094.
Archimedes drowns
In SPAM bath: shouts "Akerue!"
Which means "Me dense Greek!"

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2120.
New fundamental
particle found in pig snouts.
It's the SPARK (SPiced quARK).

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

2164.
Five states of matter:
Solid, liquid, gas, plasma,
and (don't forget!) SPAM.

--Dave Bieri, BIERI@IDX.COM

2187.
Coat the space shuttle
with tiles of hot, greasy SPAM:
One slick re-entry.

--Grant Hicks, ghicks@us.oracle.com

2206.
Schwarzschild shrinks his SPAM.
Implosion rocks lab canteen.
Pink holes suck cream pops.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2207.
Glurgle, glurgle mass-
Ive SPAM: how we wonder what
You am. Pink matter?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2214.
Take SPAM out of can--
Rub SPAM upon shag carpet--
Electricity!

--EWFinn@aol.com

2236.
Sink wires in SPAM can
Weird chemicals interact
Makes good battery

--dwisely@msn.com

2247.
never studied SPAM
inorganic chemistry
just isn't my field

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2356.
Arecibo dish.
Pranksters fill it up with SPAM
right up to the top.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2407.
Betelgeuse is made
Of SPAM; and, maybe, Alde-
Baran too. I think?

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2415.
Darwin--specific
selection is Nature's way...
mankind or SPAMkind?

--Val the Knife Montalvo, vhmontal@artsci.wustl.edu

2481.
Eat up, down, and strange
pig parts of uncertainty.
Quantum leap of faith.

--Chuck Baird, zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2510.
Galileo probe
found there's SPAM in Jupiter.
NASA hushed it up.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2511.
I'm not kidding here.
The Great Red Spot is composed
of SPAM and methane.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2512.
Yes, I'm serious!
Jupiter is SPAM!...What's that?
Medication time?

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

2607.
Better than baked beans,
SPAM loaf fuels bowel ballast.
Jet propulsion booms.

--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

2640.
Sure glad they cancelled
the Super SPAM Collider.
What a waste of pork.

--Darryl Hand, codap@metricanet.com

2690.
Left out for nine weeks
the fleshy loaf is intact.
What is its half-life?

--Dan Beeder, daniel_beeder@jhuapl.edu

2752.
A science project.
I made an evil monster.
It is made of SPAM.

--El Supremo Number One Guy, rlowery@apollo.oursc.k12.ar.us

2831.
Tragic nuclear
accident mutates piggies
into horrid SPAMs.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2832.
If Schrödinger's cat
eats the SPAM, uncertainty
is out the door: dead.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2833.
Enormous black hole
ejects pristine can of SPAM.
Physicists abuzz.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

2834.
The question of soul
Expand molecules, extend...
Condense, congeal; SPAM.

--qtimes10@aol.com

2947.
Genetic research
finds SPAM gene distinguishing
pork "products" from food.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3185.
But tell us, Nolan,
When will the Big Pink One hit?
Yes, the SPAMsteroid.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3186.
Fifty klicks across
Penetrates the atmosphere
Impact wipes out life

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3187.
Two hundred million
SPAM megatons detonate.
Continents shattered.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3188.
A cloud of methane
Gas and pinkish dust is raised,
Enveloping Earth.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3189.
Five million years pass.
Nature adapts, strange creatures
Made of SPAM evolve.

--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

3216.
Einstein: Universe
Isn't caused by random blasts.
"God does not eat SPAM!"

--bob greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3226.
Fossilized beetle.
DNA immobilized.
Trapped in clear SPAMber.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3235. Dehydrated SPAM.
Born in a vacuum system.
Abhorred by Nature.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3238.
What are you strange quarks
doing in a can of SPAM?
You should know better.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3239.
One quantum of SPAM
makes you JUMP from here to there.
Energy compressed!

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3285.
Thinner ozone there.
Antarctica this weekend.
Get a good sunSPAM.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3333.
E equals M C
squared. A tin of atomic
SPAM. Cold war lunch loaf.

--Anonymous

3335.
The cat in the box
is Schrödinger's, live or what.
It ate SPAM, it's not!

--M. Fuentevilla, 71470.3051@compuserve.com

3522.
SPAM--the missing link?
Darwin says it must be so.
The Ascent of SPAM.

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3533.
The H-Bomb contains
Lithium-6 deuteride
and a pinch of SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3605.
Bakker's new theory:
Dinos so smart they made SPAM;
Extinction explained.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3606.
Dinosaur puzzle:
Bakker hates the meteor.
SPAM death? Nice try, Bob.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3607.
Europe considers
a conversion to Hormel's
SPAMetric system.

--Kevin Kepley (the mathineer)

3608.
Hormel scientists
create ultra-sensitive
femtoSPAMeter.

--Kevin Kepley (the mathineer)

3609.
New film emulsion
based on SPAM creates field of
photoSPAMetry.

--Kevin Kepley (the mathineer)

3623.
Small and square piggy
From genetic engineers
Perfect for SPAM can

--Anonymous

3630.
Sir Isaac on SPAM
said "What goes down must come up."
(Antigravity.)

--Jerry Missel, 72773.1577@compuserve.com

3648.
Butterflies flutter
Causing a storm miles away.
SPAMku's just the same.

--Anonymous

3649.
SPAM haiku let loose.
Critical mass reached, they're off--
Like chain reaction.

--Anonymous

3735.
Attach electrodes
To the SPAM, jolt it, shock it--
Still it will not oink.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3760.
In the meteor,
Lodged deep within it, they found
A strange pinkish meat.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3767.
A lone can of SPAM
In orbit, slowly losing
Altitude. Beware.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3794.
SPAM, eternal SPAM.
"Food," nitrates, disturbing Muse.
Scientific art.

--Mike McGaff

3800.
You can never know
What it's like 'til you taste it.
It's Schrödinger's SPAM.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3972.
SPAM in the first time
Inflation of chunky life
Multiply in cans

--flind@u.washington.edu

4223.
With SPAM in a can
Cosmic possibilities
Meat-space interface

--Dave Coleman, rockrat@haznews.demon.co.uk

4313.
A massive black hole
can even capture light, but
it won't swallow SPAM.

--Scott Lasley, slasley@space.umd.edu

4490.
Microscopic life
found in Martian meteor.
But no food in SPAM.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

4509.
Arecibo sees
Heaven while Cho examines
Hell: divine balance.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

4510.
Life is found on Mars!
Quick...eat up all the old SPAM!
They use it for fuel!

--Applecheeks

4517.
Newton, Bach, Einstein
Calculus, Music, Physics
And now Hormel, SPAM

--Bill Ward, johnf@informix.com

4558.
Heisenberg liked SPAM.
Certain about nothing, though
Surprise was his lot!

--Anonymous

4637.
Transmit SPAM haiku
to space from Arecibo--
no more aliens!

--Art Durkee and Al Jewer

4761.
A logic nightmare:
Ten thousand inputs, one out;
It is the SPAM gate.

--John Mitchell, jam@altagroup.com

4868.
Frozen block of SPAM
Lurking in my freezer like
A germy Mars rock.

--Francis Heaney, fheaney@dcdu.com

5002.
Food innovation
Better living through science
SPAM is proof of that

--Cholesterol 300

5037.
The companion "star"
to Hale-Bopp turns out to be
a giant SPAM can.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

5131.
Law of Digestion
of SPAM: SPAM not absorbed, it
also isn't changed.

--Lady Lackoflife

5159.
Mars rock crashed to Earth
Scientists gather data
SPAM trace detected

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5183.
The final frontier
Understanding the nature
Of the tinned meat, SPAM

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5217.
Archimedes soaks
Pig falls into the bathtub
Eureka! Found SPAM!

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5220.
I examine SPAM
The electron microscope
Leaves nothing hidden

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5262.
Scientists probe SPAM
Trying to solve mystery
Inexplicable

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5325.
The newspapers scream
SPAM DISCOVERED ON THE MOON!
NASA gets funding

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5362.
Scientists test SPAM
Try to work out its nature
It remains unsolved

--Tom Elliott, tosh@werple.net.au

5748
SPAM waves interfere:
"But I canna change the laws
of physics, Captain!"

--Eye (er, Scotty)

5778.
SPAM, cat: in a box.
Without looking, can you say
If cat is alive?

--Anonymous

5779.
When you move real fast
Relative to the SPAM can,
SPAM looks smaller. Good.

--Anonymous

5853.
NASA launches SPAM
Ozone contaminated
Help: Pinkhouse Effect

--Jim Strange, strange@scs.unr.edu

5931.
If meat is murder,
SPAM fried, in more ways than one,
is death warmed over.

--Dorian Mackenzie, KSEG, dorian@eagle969.com

6149.
Scottish scientists
thought of cloning SPAM, but thought,
"That's just plain evil."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

6211.
death was not too much
for casual scientists
who dared to clone SPAM.

--avo lowe

6231.
What would Darwin say
Does SPAM make the theory of
De-evolution?

--M.W.Wild T.

6291.
Evolution or
Creation. How did SPAM start.
Eternity waits.

--Son of FDH

6292.
Primordial ooze
Covers the SPAM but is it
Darwin or Devine

--Son of FDH

6293.
SPAM evolution
Freely taught to my children
Could God create SPAM

--Son of FDH

6294.
Evolution or
Creation the SPAM debate
Only Hormel knows

--Son of FDH

6295.
Darwin and the Church
Shall finally come to see
That the SPAM just is

--Son of FDH

6953.
SPAM shot into space.
But lipids in the air cause
pink mass on Doppler.

--Marc Chapman, immarc@pol.net

7036.
Mystery of life
Laws of physics in question
Whole pig in small can

--Bob MacMillan, bobmac@sna.com

7128.
Home experiment
SPAM left in Coke for a week
Dissolves not a bit

--Cholesterol 300

7161.
Science in the news:
Man has brain replaced by SPAM
Thinks unwholesome thoughts

--Bob City, maccus@waymark.net

7399.
1928:
Bacteria shun Fleming's
Week old Hormel ham.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

7455.
Tissues in SPAM loaf
Identified by students
Bio 101

--Marilyn C. Ball, mball@rsbs.anu.edu.au

7456.
Working late in lab
Pink substitute for dinner
SPAM supports science

--Marilyn C. Ball, mball@rsbs.anu.edu.au

7505.
SPAM is leftover
Pork from dawn of Universe
Compressed in Planck time.

--Eliezer S. Yudkowsky, sentience@pobox.com

7642.
Science finals time!
Studying reproduction
of SPAM. My guess? Spores.

--MrCohaagen, cohaagen@usaor.net

7971.
Photons dance and spin
Quantum duality shrieks
SPAM's fabric unknown

--Ray Russ, rruss@stanford.edu

8359.
Photon leaves the sun.
In ninety-three million miles
illuminates SPAM.

--Jim Leftwich, jleft@well.com

8449.
Scientists have cloned
A sheep. They could clone a pig,
Then SPAM, then SPAMku...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8449.
Scientists have cloned
A sheep. They could clone a pig,
Then SPAM, then SPAMku...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8449.
Scientists have cloned
A sheep. They could clone a pig,
Then SPAM, then SPAMku...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com

8459.
Pig's innards, pork rinds:
fundamental particles
of the new physics.

--Kevin Crellin, crellin@finnigan.com

8558.
In the doctor's lab
I arose from the test tube
Product of SPAM genes

--WIlliam Kirk, wkirk00@mail.fc.peachnet.edu


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.