SPAM Haiku: The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 4)

Note: Please do not send mail bombs if your haiku is not included in this collection. It is, however, acceptable to send a slice of SPAM in an envelope as a gesture of protest. Remember, this is just one person's opinion as to what is cool. (And note that I do not include my own work here, since it is collected in separate files: SPAM haiku by the SHAM (1-100), SPAM haiku by the SHAM (101-200), and SPAM haiku by the SHAM (201- ).)

Go backwards to The SHAM's Tasty Picks (Part 3).


3044.
A SPAM a day keeps
the doctor away (but brings
the coroner near).

--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

3051.
"George, tell me about
The rabbits." "Sure, Lenny. They
Were made into SPAM."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3071.
Hormel sues Cho for
"damaging reputation."
Judge dismisses case.

--Dale Wisely, dwisely@wwisp.com

3092.
Bulimics love it:
Easy down, easy up, and
a nice storage can.

--zbaird@cjnetworks.com

3131.
Put SPAM in the tank.
Turns the toilet water pink.
2000 flushes!

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3154.
napping on sofa,
spam aficionado.
bubbles on the rise.

--michael kalantarian, mk@sonic.net

3158.
unlabeled tin cube
purchased it in a thrift store
thoughts of Pandora

--Anonymous

3216.
Einstein: Universe
Isn't caused by random blasts.
"God does not eat SPAM!"

--bob greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3225.
But to have kids, Sire,
your SPAM count should be higher.
I am not kidding.

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3233.
A long time ago
Martin Luther banged his thumb.
Swung hammer--and SPAM!

--herb hersh, ubhersh@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu

3329.
Black cat drags about
his pink, purloined bite of SPAM
like an extra tongue.

--Meredith Merritt

3358.
SPAM commercial: Two
Yugos pull up. "Pardon me.
Have you any SPAM?"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3389.
Kittens' first day out:
They encounter SPAM! One sniff,
all run back to Mom.

--Meredith Merritt

3393.
SPAM: Love at first sight.
I loved you when first we kissed,
Then I tasted you.

--Jacques Bouchard, Tamon@aol.com

3405.
After centuries,
Tokugawa Empire ends--
Perry brought them SPAM.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3409.
Translated "Descartes"
Into English, reversed; it's
"SPAM EMOS," I think.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3412.
Bishop Berkeley says:
Even when we don't taste SPAM,
God is tasting it.

--Brian Beakley, cfbxb@ux1.cts.eiu.edu

3425.
Bhagavad Gita:
"Now I am become SPAM, the
destroyer of meals."

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3448.
Silken pig tofu
The color of spanked buttocks
Blushing at my knife

--John Mitchell

3450.
Slaughterhouse product
The screams of a thousand pigs
Silent within you

--John Mitchell

3451.
SPAM needs no chewing
It slides like fish down the throat
Of a cormorant

--John Mitchell

3453.
Broken shopping bag
A SPAM can sits on wet streets
Doubly pathetic

--John Mitchell

3458.
When I called for SPAM,
It answered, "Call me Legion,
For I am many."

--John Mitchell

3463.
SPAM, too, needs a wife.
What consort for my Pork Prince?
Ah! The Velveeta!

--John Mitchell

3467.
Like a new piglet
Slick with slime, SPAM emerges
Making sucking sounds.

--John Mitchell

3470.
Cursing from the pan
Growing hotter each second
Now spitting at me

--John Mitchell

3471.
In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you.
How now, thou ground sow?

--John Mitchell

3477.
You leave the table
So offended by my meal.
Come back, little fly!

--John Mitchell

3502.
Barracks, shower rooms,
Smell of gas. Sign over gate:
"Ersatz Fleisch Macht Frei!"

--Martin H. Booda,booda@datasync.com

3539.
Served raw on white bread
or heated using Sterno.
Too many choices.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3545.
"Use all but the oink!"
"Can it and color it pink!"
Marketing genius.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3548.
SPAM gel on the floor:
Can opened haphazardly.
A near fatal fall.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3555.
A business dinner.
Unknowing wife serves up SPAM.
The contract is lost.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3559.
A man sits depressed.
A lone tear rolls down his face.
The key has broken.

--Steve Sapovits, steves@telebase.com

3590.
"Most-favored nation"?
Little do the Chinese know
This means lots of SPAM.

--Bob Greiner, greinerb@washpost.com

3594.
"What's for lunch, Wilma?"
"Spamasaurus sandwiches."
"Yabba-dabba-don't!"

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3648.
Butterflies flutter
Causing a storm miles away.
SPAMku's just the same.

--Anonymous

3671.
Indian looks down
on Hormel plant. A single
tear runs down his face.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3679.
Pins, toothpicks, pencils,
Stick bolt upright in the SPAM:
So multi-purpose.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3683.
A deranged old man
Puts SPAM in his bird feeder,
Rubs his hands, cackles.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3686.
In the cabinet,
It lurks, unseen, forgotten...
Then you move the soup.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3700.
SPAM in wilderness:
No natural enemy,
Animals are scared.

--Anonymous

3708.
The light in your eyes
When you hear the "beep-beep-beep"
Of the microwave.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3710.
I felt a small thrill
When I nicked my ring finger
On the can's sharp edge.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3735.
Attach electrodes
To the SPAM, jolt it, shock it--
Still it will not oink.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3745.
Apollo-Soyuz.
They gave vodka; we gave SPAM.
The Cold War resumed.

--Bob Roberds, broberds@ix.netcom.com

3758.
I sing little songs
To help the SPAM stay cheerful
Until I fry it.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3759.
Through the wall I hear
My neighbor say, "What good SPAM!"
I burn with envy.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3762.
Leaves wither and fall,
Snow descends, then the spring thaw--
The SPAM is still fresh.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3812.
A bitter divorce
Screams in the lawyer's office
"You always served SPAM"

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3814.
At Bournes Stores they sliced
meat the color of your face
thin as rubber bands.

--Joanna Hogg, jo@head.demon.co.uk

3832.
Pigs on a death march
Their long faces ending up
In silly lunchmeat

--jam@altagroup.com

3835.
SPAM has its phantoms:
A pig squeals, then falls silent
As the h in ghost.

--jam@altagroup.com

3868.
Throbbing hot pink meat
I want to slip it inside
The nearest trash can

--spotworthy@aol.com

3881.
Creamy pink jelly,
spread on bread by female hand.
SPAM jam, thank you, ma'am.

--steve.mclaughlin@gmsmuc.de

3887.
Father pig to son:
"One day, all yours will be this,"
pointing to SPAM tin.

--Rob Mellor, rob@nice.compulink.co.uk

3908.
Moon rises, white as
Two slices of bread. Sun sets,
Pink as SPAM within.

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com

3925.
Man wearing white shirt
Drops meat, causing greasy stain;
Cries, "Out, out, SPAM dot!"

--Francis Heaney, francis.heaney@tglbbs.com


Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.
John Nagamichi Cho


SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.