SPAM Haiku 8201-8300

Move backwards to Numbers 8101-8200.

8201.
If Star Trek was real...
and I had a live Tribble...
would it dare eat SPAM?

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8202.
Homer's stomach growls...
Mmmmmm! He spies the square tin can.
The key breaks off... DOH!

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8203.
I pull out my gun...
Repeatedly shoot the SPAM...
Bullets bounce off... Damn!

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8204.
SPAM. Hideous SPAM.
Seeping all over my plate.
Changed my mind. Too late!

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8205.
SPAM's sure disgusting.
The man who invented it?
Vegetarian.

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8206.
Sent SPAM to Russia...
As an offering of peace...
A war was declared.

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8207.
You say, "Have some SPAM."
"It taste's like shit!" I reply,
"Great! Serve it on toast!"

--John "Hitman" Debevec, debevecjo@tusc.kent.edu
8208.
form never alters
color remains a constant
product of satan

--jOhn, Morse
8209.
THINK OF IT AT NIGHT
YES IT IS A GRUESOME SIGHT
BUT MMMM I LOVE IT

--the ones they call joel-ray
8210.
Told another friend
of SPAM and haiku, now I
cannot stop my urge.

--Robert W Reed
8211.
Perfect, pink, simple:
It's shucked from the blue tin shell,
slicker than oysters.

--Robert W Reed
8212.
"You haven't tried SPAM?"
I cried to my love. "You must!"
Now I cry alone.

--Robert W Reed
8213.
Chunks yellow, pink, clear:
A sum greater than the parts.
Why ask, what is SPAM?

--Robert W Reed
8214.
Nitrates, sodium,
and snouts, divine trinity?
Pray before eating.

--Robert W Reed
8215.
Cupboards ransacked, found
a note from Carrie Fisher:
"Surrender the pink!"

--Robert W Reed
8216.
Seuss and SPAM I am
Would you could you in a boat?
Not a hit with kids.

--Lily Von Schtup, lilyvnstup@aol.com
8217.
The true SPAM purpose:
To empty one's stomach tract
through violent barfing.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8218.
Rubbery pink meat
Wretched plasma-like jelly
It should not exist

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8219.
I love SPAM, I do!
Only because I lost my
tastebuds in the war.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8220.
Electric chair's a
much too gentle punishment.
Should make them eat SPAM.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8221.
Texture, color, smell,
pleasing to all the senses--
SPAM does have it all.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8222.
Pandora's Box has
released fewer evil things
than little blue cans.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8223.
Are pigs sentient?
I hope not! How horrible
knowing final fate!

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8224.
Little pig playing
in the barnyard happily--
Ignorance is bliss.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8225.
Forced to eat SPAM or
die slowly of starvation--
Poverty is hell.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8226.
Some people love SPAM,
Eat it because they want to--
I thought I was warped!

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8227.
Waste not, want not. Use
ALL parts of entire pig--
Can it be worth it?

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8228.
Recycle used SPAM,
Barf it back into can: "Post
Consumer Content."

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8229.
A bad party host
spreads SPAM on water crackers--
It's lousy paté.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8230.
Red wine goes with meat,
White wine is made for seafood.
SPAM? Pepto-Bismol.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8231.
Maalox, 'Bismol, Tums--
Regurgitate, suicide:
Cures for eating SPAM.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8232.
She smears it on you,
sadistic dominatrix
stuffs SPAM down your throat.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8233.
Do you like the SPAM?
Military "Catch-Two-Two,"
Must keep on fighting.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8234.
Spend my whole paycheck
buying only luncheon loaf--
I'd rather be dead.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8235.
Open the blue can,
Let the "meat" sit out all month.
Will it ever spoil?

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8236.
Hormel engineers
devise unique cheap products.
Sick, twisted bastards.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8237.
"Live on bread alone?"
Add SPAM to picnic basket!
Naah, just go with bread.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8238.
Hallowe'en draws near--
Dress up in a SPAM costume!
Man, is THAT scary!

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8239.
Barf, puke, retch, up-chuck;
Feeling disoriented--
I had SPAM for lunch.

--Kelly Cash, kelly.cash@sun.com
8240.
SPAM exists, therefore
This web site exists, annoys
Isn't it so Zen?

--Zorak the Haiku-master
8241.
Some pigs are lucky,
ham; the pigs that ain't, are SPAM.
Alas for Wilbur.

--Zorak the Haiku-master
8242.
Meat byproducts are
probably harmful to your
health, including SPAM.

--Zorak the Haiku-master
8243.
I am Sam, I am,
I am. I love SPAM much more
than green eggs and ham.

--Bizarro
8244.
In war-time they drop
food aid, with SPAM included.
Whose side are you on?

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8245.
Now cut it this way
And it is a SPAMBURGER.
More meat than Macca's?

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8246.
I can get the word
SPAM to be in italics!
But is it worthy?

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8247.
Missionaries could
Re-educate the natives
By feeding them SPAM.

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8248.
In a catapult
Put tins of SPAM. Another
way this beast can kill.

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8249.
Seven syllables:
"Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.
Coincidence? Hmmm.

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8250.
You don't honestly
think anyone sane will read
all this SPAM haiku?

--James Crook, jjcrook@deakin.edu.au
8251.
With SPAM on the shelf,
The cupboard is never bare.
No one will eat it.

--nerd rustler, ac.hevener@fortune-ral.com
8252.
"Squelch," the sound of SPAM
Hitting the plate, eluding
The SHAM's fork and knife.

--nerd rustler, ac.hevener@fortune-ral.com
8253.
Artificial? What?
No more than this small art form,
SPAMku. SPAM, what am?

--nerd rustler, ac.hevener@fortune-ral.com
8254.
NC State students
Love SPAM and grape jam for lunch
OHHH! Damn those munchies!!!

--Allison L. and Olin S., joseats@unity.ncsu.edu
8255.
Chapel Hill's new fad...
SPAM stamped with a GAP label
Tarheels suck SPAM goo

--Anonymous
8256.
SPAM formed by pressure
Supplement your skills for her
Hard as fucking hell!

--Anonymous
8257.
A glob of pink goo
Mom called it a weird pork chop
I'll be scarred for life

--Amanda Smith
8258.
Grind bulk e-mailers
Pack 'em in little blue cans
More bandwidth for all

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net
8259.
"Hey waiter! Why is
there an asshole on my plate?"
"You ordered SPAM, sir."

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net
8260.
The au pair gets life
But Hormel execs walk free
Where is the justice?

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net
8261.
Gave up cigarettes
No more drinking, and drug-free
Hidden stash of SPAM

--Mary Holt, maryholt@flash.net
8262.
Post-Armageddon
SPAM only food source on Earth
No can openers

--Paul Holzmann, paulz@netrus.net
8263.
true, spam is your friend
but not to be defied, so
kiss your spam today!!

--guinevere
8264.
SPAM is great to eat
Dumb cannibals think it's meat
Silly cannibals

--Stumpy
8265.
Once upon a time
my life was on the line but
SPAM saved me in time.

--guinevere
8266.
SPAM was a crack ho'
She liked to work the corner
Bill Clinton was pleased

--stumpy, thorcfd@aol.com
8267.
when handed some spam
"shaggadelic baby yeah!"
austin powers raved

--guinevere
8268.
SPAM is quite sexy
It looks great in a pink dress
Marry me now, SPAM

--stumpy
8269.
we'll rendezvous spam
meet me at the motel 6
it'll be a blast!

--guinevere
8270.
SPAM tastes like human
It tastes really darn groovy
Really, try it now!

--stumpy
8271.
I hate to say it...
But when asked my opinion,
I'd say,"SPAM's the SPOOG!"

--Guinevere
8272.
Yum yum SPAM's the best
I use it instead of Crest
Ah....Brossez les dents!!!!!

--stumpy
8273.
Carpe Spamiem
lads! Seize the SPAM! Make your lunch
extraordinary!

--JR, Rogersj@schoollink.net
8274.
a vile pink jell-o
out of porcine love meat spawned
how delectable!

--Chris/Kevin, chrisdeneen@mindspring.com
8275.
Face-fucking bat's food
Insidious Hell-spawned meat
Feed me, sweet Satan

--Rev. C. Deneen, chrisdeneen@mindspring.com
8276.
Wettin' yer whistle,
And yer hungry fer gristle,
DAMN! There's only SPAM!

--Liam of the clan O'Henryspam
8277.
We apologize
For the interruption in
SPAMku from Geoff Holme...

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
8278.
...This was due to him
Finally getting a life,
Temporarily.

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
8279.
"Janie Applecheeks"...
Is that your real name or is
It a SPAMonym?

--Geoff Holme, Geoff_Holme@vos.stratus.com
8280.
"Janie Applecheeks"!
A wholly unconvincing
Name if you ask me!

--Rosie Buttocks,
8281.
If you're twisted, go
And read 4-2-2-5, then
4-2-2-6. OOOOH!

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8282.
On the surgery
Table. My new appendix
Is a can of SPAM.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8283.
Five-syllable word.
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
Five-syllable word.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8284.
Orchid flower blooms
And bird flutters away now.
Inner peace and SPAM.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8285.
SPAM contains boogers
SPAM contains used Vaseline.
How do I know? Hmm...

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8286.
THIS IS NOT YOUR SPAM!
NO--I ALONE OWN THIS SPAM!
I eat the SPAM whole.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8287.
SPAM takes hold and keeps
Its grip on your life. You scream.
It is Beelzebub.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8288.
Hi. My name is Joe.
I'm Hormel's lawyer, and you're
All getting sued. HA!!!

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8289.
Your slander is here
For me to use in a court.
So is the libel.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8290.
SPAM is perfectly
Healthy when taken in small
Portions. No more lies.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8291.
Only the best pig
Heads are used in the product.
Don't bash the SPAM, please.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8292.
There is something you
Should know. Do not set SPAM in
Front car seat! Danger.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8293.
Nine Inch Nails and SPAM
Are lethal together, so
I'm gonna try it.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8294.
New SPAM action film:
Chris Farley, as SPAM, takes on
Forces of evil.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8295.
Hey, don't bash the SPAM!
Man, it's my British English
101 prof! 'Kay?

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8296.
SPAM is my lifeblood.
It charges me up before
A big soccer game.

--Nephi Jay Henry, neephersdmb@hotmail.com
8297.
Miss Piggy, Wilbur...
Some are more equal than SPAM.
Are some less equal?

--nerd rustler, ac.hevener@fortune-ral.com
8298.
Crystal likes the SPAM
Carl will dip his SPAM tonight
A Joey results

--jamie x
8299.
Black coffee and SPAM
Diet Coke and SPAM on rye
Scotch, vomit and SPAM

--mike geraty, mgeraty@atgsystems.com
8300.
Young college students
Having no sex without death--
Opening to SPAM

--Carolyn Zaremba, carolyn@furth.com

Move forwards to Numbers 8301-8400.
Return to the SPAM Haiku Archive page.

John Nagamichi Cho

SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation for luncheon meat. The Haiku Archive Master and the contributors to this website have no legal, commercial or financial involvement with Hormel Foods. Neither the information presented here, nor the manner in which it has been presented, has been sanctioned by Hormel Foods.